KHAKIHAKU;

What a bizarre want!

2012-01-18T01:01:00.004+08:00

^{source; google}

Call me a freak, but all I want from the guy, on whom I currently have a crush, to do for me in particular is to regard me as his little sister even though the difference between our ages is not as big as it is between me and Khairul Helmi. God, I am sorry for I keep on mentioning his name. I am over him but he used to be the greatest thing that had ever happened in my life. How could I forget him?

It has been four years, though.

Okay, that’s not the point. Let us keep that aside. Well guys, I presently have my eyes on someone whom I first met at a big event which was held for the second time about three months ago. Yes, I did make an entry about the event and whom I met on that day. Go through my archives if you are too eager to know what event it was.

I thought that he was my passing-interest – I still do somehow – but when a cousin of mine sort of keeps sending me some photos of him, I think I am growing to like him even more deeply. He is not that kind of guy who is near to perfection but he is attractive in a way that none of the adjectives I know of can define.

Yeah, like seriously!

What moves me to want to be regarded as his little sister is because of the awkwardness I think he might feel if we meet again.

We are not any close, you know? I don’t even think he realizes that we have met before. At the event, of course. So, if he thinks me as a proper psycho who is madly crushing on him, he’ll definitely feel so awkward, right?

If I ever want to take a picture with him, the awkwardness is gonna conquer him all and he will be hesitant about how close he should be to me. I mean, the literal distance when taking the picture. I want him to at least put his arm around my shoulder at his pleasure. Like best buddies liddat, you know?

Whatever it is, this is a mere dream which I believe would not come true. Why? It is because I am out of his league. He is like a very cool and stylish guy who can afford branded thingy whereas I can hardly afford a RM40 pair of shoes. Moreover, we are embarking on two different journeys. He is into broadcasting while I am .. I don’t even know what I am into! Oh God.

I am such an unorganized ladeyh!

Besides, he already has a sister. A damn cute little sister, I tell you. Can you imagine what he would say if I were to propose him to be my brother? Well, at least what I have in my head is him saying straight to my face, “I already have a sister” and sniggering at me.

It just is a miracle if the guy that you like, likes you in return.

4 tarikan Ustaz Don Danial

2012-01-16T23:34:00.008+08:00

Assalamualaikum w.b.t buat pembaca Khakihaku sekalian! Walaupun aku tidak pasti jika blog aku yang serba kekurangan ini masih dilawati dan dibaca isinya ataupun tidak, aku lebih gemar memupuk nilai optimis dalam diri ini. Semoga kita sentiasa dicucuri rahmat-Nya dari seharike sehari, insyaALLAH dan amin ya rabbal alamin.

Aku terdetik untuk menulis entri ini sebaik sahaja aku menonton rancangan 30 Minit Bersama Ustaz Don. Ya, penceramah agama yang namanya semakin kerap meniti bibir rakyat sejagat, lebih-lebih kaum yang lahirnya dari rusuk kiri para lelaki.

Pertama kali aku mengetahui kewujudan Ustaz Don Danial ialah semasa aku meneroka sebaris ‘link’ yang membawa aku ke laman sesawang di mana sebuah video Ustaz Don telah disunting menjadi pendek, maka penantian tamatnya ‘loading’ video tersebut tidak terlalu lama.

Tipulah jika aku tidak jatuh hati pada paras rupanya yang tidak melampau untuk aku katakan hampir-hampir sempurna atau hampir-hampir seperti lelaki idaman seluruh wanita di muka bumi ini.

Oleh kemungkinan kejahilan diri ini, perkataan pertama yang meluncur dari bibir bukanlah “masya-Allah”, tetapi, “Handsome-nya!”

Menyedari video yang aku sedang tonton kala itu berunsurkan agama, aku cepat-cepat menegur dan mendidik diri sendiri untuk mengungkapkan kalimah “Masya-Allah” setiap kali rasa teruja melihat ketampanan ustaz Don yang dikurniakan-Nya.

Aku berpendapat bahawa insan seperti Ustaz Don-lah yang diperlukan remaja-remaja generasi ini untuk menarik mereka mendengar ceramah-ceramah agama. Kita semua sedia maklum, para remaja sekarang lebih cenderung menonton forum dan temu ramah dan segala macam rancangan hasil produksi Barat berbanding yang dihasilkan kaum tempatan.

Dan tidak terkecualilah diri ini nan satu.

4 signifikasi yang menarik tentang Ustaz Don Danial
1) Raut wajah yang menawan
Ustaz Don bukan sahaja tampan, malah manis ‘banget’ hinggakan sebaris senyumannya mampu meluruhkan jantung ramai wanita. Terutama Khaleeqa. Jadi manis dan tampan aku rangkumkan dala satu adjektif iaitu ‘menawan’.

Antara laki dan perempuan, yang mudah terjebak dalam kancah maksiat atau sebagainya yang tidak berfaedah ialah perempuan. Jadi, kehadiran Ustaz Don, aku percaya, mampu menarik minat kami, kaum perempuan untuk mendengar ceramahnya dan secara langsung menimba ilmu pengetahuan yang berunsurkan hari akhirat.

2) Loghat Pulau Pinang
Dalam banyak-banyak loghat, loghat Pulau Pinang yang dirasakan paling lembut lenggok dan bunyinya. Aku suka mendengar kawan-kawanku berbicara dengan loghat Pulau Pinang. Oleh sebab tu perempuan ramai jatuh hati dengan mamak barangkali.

Hehe.

Dan loghat Pulau Pinang ini boleh dikatakan universal sebab mudah untuk difahami memandangkan ia hampir sama dengan loghat orang Selangor.

3) Lawak
Lawak dan berseloroh adalah dua perkara yang berbeza. Lawak memang walau dia buat apa saja, walau apa yang dituturkan mampu mencetuskan tawa di bibir orang lain. Manakala berseloroh ni lebih kepada cakap lepas. Dan orang Malaysia memang suka benar dengan budaya cakap lepas ni. Mereka yang berseloroh selalu dilihat kelakar.

Bagi aku, lawak dan berseloroh ini yang membezakan Ustaz Don dan Ustaz Azhar. Kawan aku, Adzhim atau lebih dikenali sebagai Yop dalam kalangan kawan kami, mengatakan penyampaian Ustaz Azhar lebih dekat dengan hati dan perasaan pendengar.

_{:) Kalian dipersilakan untuk follow Adzhim a.k.a Yop (:}
Aku tiada komen tentang hal itu sebab lain orang lain minatnya dan pendapatnya, ya tak? Aku lebih gemarkan penyampaian yang agak formal. Aku lebih suka letak jurang yang jelas antara aku dan penceramah, antara aku dan pendidik. Aku sebagai insan yang jahil yang ingin menimba ilmu, dan pendidik yang berpengetahuan yang ingin menurunkan ilmu padaku.

Namun, aku tak nafikan kebagusan syarahan Ustaz Azhar!

4) Muda
Aku rasa tak perlu aku bezakan Ustaz Don dengan ustaz Azhar atau dengan mana-mana ustaz sekali pun. Mereka mempunyai karakter tersendiri yang menarik. Tetapi yang faktor umur yang muda, aku rasakan sebagai satu bonus untuk Ustaz Don.

Aku sebagai seorang yang muda lagi, aku memang dah berkali-ali dengar dan arif benar dengan sikap mereka dalam lingkunan umur aku. Generasi sekarang kurang atau memang hampir tidak hormatkan lagi orang tua.

Jadi, aku tak akan terkejut kalau-kalau ada remaja atau belia yang kata, “Alah! Orang tua memang begitu!” “Dah tua-tua barulah alim!” “Orang tua bukan boleh percaya sangat cakap dorang!” dan yang sewaktu dengannya.

Aku percaya, faktor umur Ustaz Don yang muda akan membuatkan beliau dekat dengan hati pendengar. Melihat Ustaz Don yang muda yang telah berada di landasan yang benar akan membuatkan para remaja zaman sekarang mengikut jejak beliau untuk mencari hidayah bagi menemui landasan yang benar di usia yang muda.

At least, that’s what I think.

Sekian, empat signifikasi yang aku percaya, membuatkan Ustaz Don Danial mudah diterima. Biarkan niat pertama untuk mendengar ceramah beliau kerana ingin melihat paras rupanya yang indah, asalkan sambil-sambil itu dapat kita menimba ilmu.

Setiap butir yang disampaikan Ustaz Don sebentar tadi meresap jauh ke dalam minda aku ini. Alhamdulillah. Semoga kekal di situ selamanya dan semoga aku dikurniakan hidayah untuk mengamalkannya dalam masa terdekat.

Amin.

Ps; Rancangan 30 Minit Bersama ustaz Danial adalah pada hari Isnin hingga Khamis jam 10 malam di TV Al-Hijrah.

My Man

2012-01-13T12:27:00.003+08:00

Lovely day, visitors and followers ❣ *wink

I really love the word ‘lovely’. It has been a habit to wish people ‘lovely day’ instead of ‘good day’. Perhaps, it is because I just love you readers so much but of course-lah, I love my blog more. He has been with me for four years. I would never delete any entry ever written although I might hide some in order to avoid a lot more controversies. I have hidden blogposts about Mat Sabu and Wardina, for instance.

I was asked by someone if I would delete the posts about my ex-boyfriend, Khairul Helmi and the person suggested me to delete them because my ex was getting married this coming June.(Congratulations, dude!) So, he was worried that one day, Khairul Helmi’s children or even his wife would find the bloody posts and I would indirectly rock the boat.

To be honest, I never thought of deleting them. The least I would do is probably just hide them. The memories are so sweet to be removed just like that. I believe his future-wife will understand that she was not his first love. I mean, she might have been because they were school-mates back then but she must know that along the way before he met his true love which was and for sure is her or before they hooked up for like uh-gain which occurred right after I broke up with him, he had had a few other girlfriends.

And if I am not mistaken, I was one of the hapless girls. *face palm*

I have accepted the fact that the love I had had with him was merely a puppy-love. (Oh I love puppies!) His future-wife, I must admit, is a natural beauty. I saw some pictures of her without make-ups and she looked adorably lovely. Congratulations in advance, sweet couple of the year! Good luck with the new journey called a married life that you both are about to embark. Lots of love from Klang!

For God’s sake, that was not the main point of this post. My ex is not my man that I wanted to talk about. That’s me. I cannot stop once I start blathering. For the umpteenth times, pardon me, fellows.

I am of the belief that you guys are well-aware of how mad a girl can be when it comes to talking about her prince charming or the one she wishes she would marry. Well, since I am just an ordinary girl who lives an ordinary life, I do get excited about having someone in my life called a husband. Yes, a husband. I am not bothered to find any more boyfriends, puh-lease.

Of course, who isn’t excited to be pronounced “Man and Wife” with your loved one? Nonetheless, the thrill I used to experience when talking to my girlfriends about those guys with undeniably perfect looks can nowhere be found anymore. I am starting to feel that I am no longer the fun person I used to be. The joyous Khaleeqa people love being around. The cheerful Khaleeqa who can smile in her soundless sleep. The talkative Khaleeqa people seek informational materials to talk about from.

I am lost. My family and buddies have lost me.

As cited in another post, I had written about my problem but I had not had it published because I found it unnecessary. Finding it needless does not mean it is not tearing me into shreds. Just like @faliqfahmie said, “Just because we don’t talk about it, doesn’t mean it’s not killing us inside.”

I have been mulling over the problems and possible antidotes these days. What makes my problem differ from yours is the leader of my family is jobless and the one who is enduring all the expenditures is the queen whose monthly salary is less than a thousand. My heart ruptures every time I hear my mom borrow money from my brother to buy us meal.

Our house runs of food every now and then and it happens when you have a demanding-yet-unwaged dad. I am stressing out because I have to commit to being the most helpful person to my mother, making sure my brothers and sister do not fall asleep in hungry and being a loyal listener to my mother who sometimes cannot control her anger – of course, some women would just leave my dad if they were in my mother’s shoes.

My mother is the toughest woman in the universe.

"And I will never stop praying to God that my mother will keep being strong and HE will keep bestowing my mother the strength to live on from above. I believe God is good and this is just a mere test to make us continually think of Our Creator."
Alhamdulillah, despite the being of the leader of the family who is on the dole, I have supportive siblings who are – not to mention – annoying at times but they are always there with me and my beloved mother. I love the fact that my elder brother’s attitudes and behaviours are contrary to my dad’s. He cares for my younger sister’s and brother’s education. He is concerned about the burden our mom is enduring and he always tries to perform his responsibilities as a child to our parents, as a brother and as a student at his best.

He makes my mother chill out with his excellent examination results. Not to boast, my brother’s pointer has never been below 3.7. I am the opposite of him because my pointer in contrast has never been above 3.7. Not even 3.6. The highest I have ever got is 3.5. Still, Alhamdulillah. Some struggled to pass 3.0 but I watched more than five episodes of a Korean drama during my final semester’s examination week and got 3.5.

What kind of creature am I if I am not grateful with what got?

What I wanted to say is, the man of my life at this moment in time is my elder brother, Aqeel Idrus. If supposedly a dad’s wish comes second, I will put my bro’s next to my mom’s. I will prioritize theirs for they care about me more than our supposedly leader of the family does. They inspire me to change for the better even though I hardly make a move.

Another thing that I want you to know is, my dad is a loving man. He really is. He loves his grandchildren so much that he is willing to send them to school and fetch them back. I know he wishes he could change the world. Our world. And I know he tries to make ends meet. Maybe it is not the time yet. I am angry with him for taking his responsibility in stabilizing the family's finance for granted. He acts as if he could not care less but I know deep inside his heart, he does not mean to do this to us.

I believe in you, Baba. I always do.

My prayer is God will shed my father some light on the means to make ends meet. As well as prolong my brother’s and mother’s lives so that my younger siblings and I can grow up without a lack of love. Indeed, one word frees us all the weight of pain of life and that word is love (1997, as cited in Aisya Sofea, 1977).

I believe God is hearing me.

The ugly truth

2012-01-12T09:38:00.010+08:00

Pleasant morning, everybody! Don’t forget to take you breakfast before you get off to work, ladies and gentlemen. It is advisable that you take a bit heavier breakfast. Don’t be bothered by having extra fats. Skinny people tend to look older than their age, remember?

I just discovered an ugly truth about me. I am not surprised, though. I have been telling people from time to time that my English is not any good. If it were, I would not feel ashamed or frantic every time I converse with those whose English is undeniably excellent. Back in the college, I used to feel on edge when it came to talking to my English lecturers despite my friends’ compliments about my English.

Approximately eight hours ago, I got my second MUET result. A Band 3, it is. I do not know how to decipher what lies behind the fate of getting Band 3 twice but all I know is, I have let my family down. They had wished to see me further my degree in law yet with the heartbreaking result, I had to say bye-bye to Bachelor of Legal Studies.

Maybe it is the consequence of cherishing my second language more than my primary language. Maybe it is just a plain truth that I still have a lot to improve. Maybe it is some kind of sign that I should stop annoying people by correcting their English when they are tweeting.

This reminds me so much of Muhammad Khalis. I am in the lurch! He must be laughing so hard after reading this or will at least just sneer at me. I put my hands down, dude. I won’t be annoying you with such corrections anymore. There will be no more English tutorial by Khaleeqa on Twitter either.

*sigh*

To whom it may concern, thank you for comforting me. Perhaps it is true that MUET does not prove anything. Nonetheless, it does to my family. It does to critically judgmental persons I am surrounded by. It does to those who will determine which course I'm gonna be studying in degree. God, I am in trouble.

It is such an ugly truth to them. Too ugly that they cannot bear to see or even glance at.

Ps; I myself do not know what I should do next. I will probably discuss it further with my parents tonight. Pray for me that they will not get cross!

The fools and their fool's gold

2012-01-11T22:18:00.022+08:00

Assalamualaikum and a lovely day to everyone who is reading this post❣ My wish is everyone is doing just fine no matter where you folks are now. Before I go any further, there is a thing I would like to clarify. The reason why I rarely update is not because I rarely write. I do write, kind of regularly, but I always end up thinking that what I wrote is unnecessary. For instance, I have written about a guy I currently have a crush on, about my family’s endless pecuniary drawback, about my wishes for 2012, as well as about my dissatisfaction with the way pious people correcting not-so-pious people.

Yes, I wrote them all but I have yet to publish them on this precious blog.

I wanted to wish my dwindling blog’s visitors and followers a very very happy new year, yet it turned out I felt like it was something that every blogger in the world was probably doing at the time so I decided to wait for a few days until I forgot that I wanted to make a post about the new year eve. That was what happened. That was why I had not wished you people a happy new year. Pardon me, guys.

I hope it is not too late! Happy New Year and May God bless us all. Have a nice day ahead! If you believe this year is the last year for us all, do perform everything at your best then. And for those who don’t, just because you don’t, does not mean you can purposely commit a misdeed. What? You think you’re gonna live forever? What if your tomorrow never comes? Have you ever thought of that? No? You’d better start now.

NOW, what is with the fools and fool’s gold? It was reported in today’s and yesterday’s newspapers that villagers of Kampung Melayu had been wowed by the glittering stones found on a road at Jalan Mewah. Although experts had confirmed that the stones were merely granite stones engrafted with iron sulphide which glowed in the dark and shone under the sunlight, the villagers were so optimistic that they kept looking and collecting that stones known as fool’s gold.

Perhaps, that is the good part of Malays. They become extremely optimistic when it comes to an undying desire to be rich. In one go, they are making a fool of themselves. It shows that my people are always in search of shortcuts to success and happiness. They probably thought that the stones were valuable that they could be millionaires just by pawning them. It is overwhelming to know that only Malays were there, being fools by collecting fool’s gold.

I felt ashamed when a Chinese proprietor mocked the villagers, saying they could keep the stones at home as decorative items. Even though the villagers are of nobodies that I know, I still feel mocked because the villagers are Malay. How would you feel if you – a Malay – heard a person of other race said, “Apalah! Bodoh punya Melayu!” ("What a stupid Malay!")?

"Regardless of different opinions we may be of, we are still seen as one by other races. Please bear that in mind, people. We are one. A single Malay’s success is ours and a single Malay’s fault is ours too."
Another thing is, there are no such things as shortcuts to happiness. Let alone an eternal one. Thinking the stones on the road can make you a rich person is unacceptably stupid. If they were, Jalan Mewah would be the richest neighborhood ever that you people living there could afford the longest bridge in the world. Unfortunately, they are not. The stones are not worth a cent. Let us stop here and crack down on our real lives. Being silly at times is essential for a good laugh but making a fool of ourselves purposely in public is very out of place and needless indeed.

Come on, people! We are more than what we are now. Let us pray that our triumphs in the offing will vindicate us.

Pelengkap Hidup

2011-12-27T00:30:00.000+08:00

“Kau ni, Kaklang! Kalau buat kerja dapur tu, tak pernah betul. Buat macam nak tak nak je. Tak guna betul!” tempelak aku apabila melihat kerusi-kerusi di meja makan tidak bersusun dan meja yang masih berminyak akibat tumpahan kuah oleh mereka yang tidak akan mengaku jika ditanya siapa yang melakukannya.

Sambil membasuh pinggan-mangkuk di sinki, adikku, Qaisara membalas, “Kak, kau balik rumah je memekak. Balik Kedah sanalah! Menyampah aku dengan kau.”

Tawa sinisku dibalas jelingan tajam adikku. “Memandangkan aku yang paling berguna kat rumah ni – bila baba nak makan roti bakar aku yang buat, mama nak minum air manis aku yang buat, yang tutup buka tingkap rumah aku buat, yang buat minum pagi petang aku buat – yang patut berambus dari rumah ni ialah kau, bukan aku!” bidasku panjang lebar.

Mendengar tengkinganku terhadap Qaisara, emak aku mencelah.

“Engkau ni, Khaleeqa! Cuba jaga sikit bahasa kau. Menyakitkan hati orang saja kerja kau, kenapa? Kau asyik sakitkan hati orang, nanti orang benci dengan kau kang, baru tahu.”

Aku yang baru usai menyenduk nasi ke pinggan sendiri, melabuhkan punggung di depan emak dengan muka kayu lalu menyumbat secuit nasi kosong ke dalam mulut.

“Ma, look on the bright side-lah. Because of my spiteful tongue, they all are getting tougher. Which is good! Hidup ni tak boleh nak sensitif sangat! Nak sensitif-sensitif, pergi duduk kat hutan sana!” dengan semangat yang tidak kenal erti kalah, aku membetulkan tanggapan emak terhadap perbuatan aku.

Emak menggelengkan kepalanya, perlahan manakala Qaisara berlalu masuk ke bilik, melayani rajuk yang kebiasaannya akan sendiri terpujuk tanpa aku perlu melutut memohon maaf. Melihat adik aku yang tidak sedikit pun menoleh ke arah kami, emak memanjangkan gelengannya.

Seperti biasa juga, aku tersengih memandang ibuku. Menayangkan barisan gigi yang tidak mahu putih juga biarpun digosok dua kali sehari. Dan sepanjang tempoh aku menikmati hidangan, aku mendengar teguran dan nasihat ibuku yang menyeru aku menjaga bahasaku apabila berbicara dengan sesiapa sahaja – sahabat handai, sanak saudara mahupun keluarga.

Aku dan adik perempuanku, Qaisara bertelagah, bertegang urat dan berperang mulut hampir setiap hari. Lantang suara kami bertikam lidah bagaikan suami isteri yang telah berumah tangga bergaduh. Barangkali, berkali ganda lebih teruk. Namun, nama pun perempuan. Tidak melampau untuk kami katakan yang kami perempuan Melayu sejati kerana sekasar-kasar kami, tangan kami tidak hinggap di mana-mana bahagian tubuh antara satu yang lain.

Kekasaran kami berbeza. Aku dideskripsikan kasar dari segi bahasa, oleh mereka yang mengenali diri ini. Malah diiyakan oleh adik lakiku yang pernah berkata, “Kata-kata kakak ni membunuh. Peh,” sambil melekapkan sebelah tangannya ke dada.

Bukan sekali dua pernah aku buat orang menangis, malah berkali-kali. Yang ini, akan kuhuraikan dalam entri yang akan datang. Ia ada kaitan dengan salah seorang insan dalam kehidupanku yang telah berubah, daripada seorang yang lurus bendul kepada manusia yang tidak mampu siapa-siapa perbodohkan.

Bertentangan dengan aku, kekasaran Qaisara lebih kepada tingkah-laku. Gaya dia berjalan, gaya dia mengukirkan senyuman pada orang lain, gaya dia menyahut apabila dipanggil, gaya dia memberi penjelasan dan gaya dia menguruskan sesuatu urusan. Tomboy? 50-50, mungkin? Sebab aku kata 50-50 ialah, dia tidak berpakaian seperti tomboy-tomboy yang lain. Dia masih berbaju kurung ke sekolah dan ke majlis-majlis. Bahkan, dia ialah seorang gadis yang bertudung.

Hanya tingkah-laku, perbuatannya yang kasar. Namun, hatinya tetap selembut sutera. Mudah terasa dengan setiap bait ungkapanku. Mudah mengalirkan air mata apabila ditengking dan dicemuh. Mudah berubah moodnya apabila ada laki-laki yang memuji hasil karya fotografinya. Lumrah kami kaum Hawa, pujian daripada seorang Adam mampu membuat kami senyum sehingga terbawa-bawa dalam mimpi.

Meskipun bahasa aku mungkin tidak boleh diterima pakai kekasarannya, terutama oleh Qaisara, tidak secebis pun lahir rasa benci terhadap darah daging sendiri. Tidak terlintas langsung di fikiran untuk melihat dia pergi, membuang dia dari kehidupanku, menguburkan kasih sayangku terhadapnya yang telah terpupuk 15 tahun lamanya.

Jika pelengkap hidup kebanyakan orang ialah pasangan mereka yang bertentangan jantina, tetapi tidak aku. Di lubuk dan di dasar hati, pelengkap hidup aku ialah setiap ahli keluarga asasku. Mama, Baba, Abang Aqeel, Qaisara dan Amzar.

Ya, Qaisara ialah salah seorang yang melengkapkan kehidupanku dari sehari ke sehari. Secara dasarnya, dia melengkapkan kekasaranku. Mungkin aku tidak terdaya atau tidak terfikir mahupun tidak sampai hati untuk berkelakuan kasar, dia melakukannya untukku.

Jika Qaisara tidak mampu untuk menuturkan kata-kata kesat yang mempu meninggalkan kesan jejak di hati orang, aku tuturkan untuknya. Kami saling melengkapi.

Aku menyanyi, dia bermain alat muzik. Aku menulis, dia membaca. Dialah yang membetulkan sebutan perkataan-perkataan Inggerisku yang hancur. Aku rapat dengan Mama, dia rapat dengan Baba – membuatkan Baba tidak rasa terpinggir memandangkan Abang Aqeel dan Amzar turut manja dengan Mama dan membuatkan aku rasa kurang bersalah kerana aku benci akan perasaan “terpinggir” dan aku benci jika ahli keluargaku merasainya.

Aku percaya, jika kita ditakdirkan untuk bersama seseorang itu, ditadkirkan menjadi ahli dalam sesebuah keluarga misalnya, ia adalah kerana mereka ditakdirkan Allah S.W.T untuk melengkapkan diri kita, melengkapkan kehidupan kita. Bukan sahaja menjadi pelengkap sebagai peneman hidup, tetapi juga sebagai pembimbing, penyokong dan pendorong.

"Buat Qaisara bt Idrus, aku ingin mengucapkan tahniah atas pencapaian cemerlang 8A kau dalam PMR. Meskipun ada kata-kata penggoyah semangat yang mengatakan kejayaan sekarang tidak menjanjikan kejayaan di masa depan, aku percaya, kau akan terus berjaya dan terus berjaya. Allah S.W.T telah kurniakan kau kepintaran akal fikiran, semangat kental yang tidak mudah mati, tenaga yang mencukupi dan ahli keluarga yang secara tidak langsung mendidik kau menjadi lali dengan kekesatan dan kesesatan dunia luar seperti aku. Jadi, aku harap kau gunakan setiap pemberian Tuhan dengan betul. Jika aku ialah manusia atau kakak paling teruk pernah kau tahu kewujudannya, aku nak ingatkan yang di luar sana ada berjuta-juta lagi manusia yang kau akan jumpa dari semasa ke semasa. Ambillah sikap buruk aku sebagai teladan untuk kau jadikan sebagai persediaan menghadapi masa depan. Semoga kau berjaya mencapai cita-cita kau menjadi seorang doktor, dan semoga kau ditemukan jodoh yang kacak-kacak serta beriman lagi berakhlak oleh Allah S.W.T, sepertimana cantiknya kau. Aku comel, kau cantik. Ingat?"

Alhamdulillah. Terima kasih, Ya Allah kerana mengurniakan aku ibu bapa dan adik-beradik yang cerdik akalnya dan penyayang. Tiada Tuhan Yang Maha Berkuasa melainkan Kau.

Alhamdulillah.

Them

2011-12-20T07:12:00.000+08:00

They came from different places and backgrounds. Without knowing each other, they were placed in a class who no one would have ever thought that it would be a place where every distinct particle around them embraced, pushed and tied them together till they had no other choice but to learn to get used to each other’s natural individuality, be it one they had seen or one they had just known its being, and eventually accept that was it, that was the environment they were going to be acquainted with, and that was the class – the class they at first did not know would be the ground where they met their second family.

Hearing people their age moaning about having to fit in with the normalcy they regarded as not normal to them made these people who had found their second family laugh. How could they not laugh when they did not think it was necessary for they had made it through the rain without having to undergo that phase? That phase that people would definitely do each time they enroll in a new place. That phase where pretending to be of the same kind as well as opinion for the sake of feeling belonged is essential. That phase where originality does not yet matter as all matters is companies so one would not look lonely when one goes from one a place to another.

These people, who had found their second family in the class which was akin to a playground where they learned about nature, were always themselves. They knew they were not born to please people but people would still be pleased nevertheless, once they gave these people chances to show their true colors. Why would people gnash their teeth in wrath when they were just being themselves? Throughout the period of being a temporary family, they had learnt to ignore about what others who were not in the same class said and claimed they were, for they knew those folks were not there when a particular occasion happened and the claims were nothing else but speculations.

They do not know what lies ahead of them. They do not know if there are chances to be in a same class or even chances to ever meet again. Not knowing what their future would be like brings them to a consensus to not make any promises they themselves are not sure if they can fulfill. Even so, there is one thought they have in common and it is,

“The best mirror is an old friend.”

Tribute to PL1I-PL31 rockers.

Lots of undying love,
Lekha ♡.

Why do I like English so much?

2011-12-19T14:42:00.001+08:00

I do not know how long you have been following my blog and I do not know if you noticed the improvement I have made in my English writings. I have come to understand how to differentiate between verb, adjective and noun which are the most significant-yet-simple components in English. In fact, I believe that my friends whose English is improving or still in the state of underprivileged yet they have the intention to improvise their second language’s proficiencies, will get better after they really and truly know how to differentiate the three components mentioned.

Without any intention to boast, I frankly am of the belief that I am good in writing – of course there are some grammatical errors hither and thither – and my writing is provably and distinctly better than my speaking. I tried to remove my Malay accent when speaking English yet to no avail. What to do? I am just an ordinary Malay girl who can never divest herself of being Malay. For I am more into writing than speaking, I have a problem with my pronunciation. And the ones who correct my pronunciation of every unusual word are my younger sister – Qaisara – and my dad.

Of course they will make fun of my initial pronunciation before correcting it. You know, silly family-jokes? Yeah.

I would like to make another confession which is, I like my second language more than my mother tongue even though I used to be so good in Malay Language, I had my Malay stories published in local magazines, but that was because my English at that time sucked terribly. If you are diligent enough, do go through my archives and observe with caution the amount of grammatical mistakes I have made over the entries. Tell me the difference.

Anyway, that does not mean I hate my mother tongue, though. “Hate” is a strong word which I would not use because .. well, how could I hate my mother tongue when I still use it in day-to-day life? Furthermore, it makes me closer to my friends. To my readers and followers. I use it on this blog, Twitter and Facebook occasionally but I like my second language more, nevertheless.

So, now Imma tell you why.

Mathematics and Science were still taught in Malay when I was 10. However, my math teacher then taught me and friends in English. She was such a very good Maths teacher that I managed to score my Maths paper with flying colors. And she was the one who made me believe that English made everything simpler. To prove that, she gave us a simple example.

“Satu dalam Bahasa Inggeris ialah ‘one. Dan dua ialah ‘two.’”

I just came to realize that it was not just about satu being ‘one’ and dua being ‘two’. If both sentences are translated in English, they become even simpler. Literally simpler. See?

“Satu in English is one. And dua is two.”

Another example is,

“Saya sedang makan” which would be “I’m eating” in English.

I am no English expert nor am I a walking-dictionary. There are numerous words I still do not know their existence as well as the usage of those words that I already know. However, I still find myself in search of a particular Malay-word when speaking Malay these days. I am being abhorrent, aren’t I?

Apart from making almost everything simpler, English also makes me sound wiser. How does it do it? Well, since there are plenty of words I do not know their being, I lack of vocabularies. Thus, when I get cross, my mind will automatically be in the mode of English so how could I precisely express my feeling when I do not know what word I ought to use? I will usually end up creating a simple sentence with simple words that make it simple for people to understand, just like how simple this elaboration is.

Besides, swearing in English does not seem so bad. English swearing words are finer than Malay ones, I suppose. I do not know if it is just me but I think ~~“Babi”~~ sounds ruder than "Pig". ~~“Pantat”~~ sounds more insolent that “Pussy”. Don’t you guys think so? I can assure you that I love my mother tongue because I am not willing to degrade it by means of swearing in Malay. Let us use Malay Language for proper use only.

Before I annoy with another long post, let me end this entry here. Which language do you love the most? Why don’t you tell me what makes you so?

Until then, have a lovely day ahead!

Similar but ain't the same

2011-12-15T22:15:00.003+08:00

“Carilah kerja daripada buang masa duduk rumah.”

“You’re not looking hard enough, I suppose. Look harder.”

“Isi cuti kau dengan kerja berfeadah. Ambil lessen atau kerja.”

I have been advised by a lot of people to spend my holidays with worthwhile activities. I have been expected to learn how to drive in this five-month holiday. I have been invited to a number of gatherings that I had wished I could join and experience the joy to reunite after not seeing them for awhile. I was so disappointed to disappoint them by means of turning down the invitations. The experience of having to rebuff what you wanted and disappoint people you loved, and you yourself, I’d bet, much worse than the experience of not having or seeing me at the parties.

I suppose, it is easier for people to say than for me to do it. They are not in my shoes. They do not know what I am experiencing. They do not know how much I want to do all the worthwhile stuffs but I just can’t. I would someday do them but not for the time being.

I just cannot afford to do them.

One of the most irritating problems that people by and large have in common is pecuniary drawback. Nonetheless, the extent of the badness is not the same. One’s pecuniary drawback may be worse if none of one’s parents are working. And the problem could be much, much worse if one becomes parentless at a very young age yet some of parentless kids are lucky because there are many orphanages to take over their problems, especially pecuniary problem.

I do not know whose problem is worse but I know this sickening money-problem is endless. I mean, mine. My money problem.

It restrains me from doing what I want.

Jessie J, you are wrong. Money can make me happy. Money can get me a better life. You sucker, you’ve lied to the world. You have fooled so many people. Idiot, you. I hate your stupid lyrics yet I like the rhythm.

And I hate money. I hate it but I love it. (playing the song Stuck by Stacie Orrico)

Ah. I am so !@#$%^&*() lifeless.

Tetek II

2011-11-19T20:43:00.004+08:00

I don't mean to be dirty! Right before I created this post, I was thinking of Nizam Baharin, a retired blogger who used to be one of my big inspirations to keep on blogging. I do not know where he is now. I do not know if he still remembers me. I do not know if it is possible for him to make a comeback. I just don't know.

In his previous blog, he had a post called 'Tetek' which was his way of short-forming 'Tag-tag'. He answered two different tags in the post, which told me how he came out with such a title. So, I decided to make another post titled "Tetek II" to let him know that he is not forgotten and I am going to proceed doing what we both used to be passionate about.

Nizam, wherever you are now, forget me not!

I only have one tag to answer, though. This time, I am tagged by Najah Wahyda who has been my classmate throughout the three semesters in Sungai Petani. Thank you for tagging me, Najah. Let's keep in touch yeah!

Tell me your full name and together with the meaning :)
Khaleeqa bt Idrus = A well-behaved girl, a daughter of a lion.

Who is in your mind right now?
You, Wahidatunnajah because I am answering your answers. LOL!

How do you feel about her/him?
Fond of her. We’ve been friends for approximately two years.

What is your biggest shameful moment?
I hardly get embarrassed so I don't think I have any. Maybe there is but not that I can recall. I only remember those sweet moments. Heee.

Whose picture is in your purse/wallet right now?
Mine? I don’t keep an picturers in my purse.

Have you ever kissed someone who's not related to your family or friends? Haha.
I have. It wasn’t a planned kissed, by the way. It happened on the spur of the moment!

Is there anything filthy you had ever done?
Do you count watching porn as a filthy doing?

Smoking/Shisha. Which one do you prefer?
Neither.

If you had the chance to get married now, will you accept it? Why?
I guess I would to satisfy my sexual desire. BAHAHA! You know I am not serious!

If you had to choose between friends or your love partner, which one will comes first?
Well, I had left my friends for my ex-boyfriend and I got nothing in the end, in the past. Imma try leaving my future-boyfriend – if he ever picked on me – for my friends next time and we’ll see how it goes.

Describe me in one sentence. Hehehe
You re as cute as your nickname – Chibby! Haha ;)

You Got Me

2011-11-14T04:04:00.008+08:00

Well, I used to like being tagged because I felt like I was kind of well-known in the blogosphere. You know, the feeling of being mentioned in other people’s blog, it is amazing, isn’t it? To be exact, the feeling of knowing, that other people realize your existence in this technological world. Don’t you think?

Anyhow, being prominent is not that wonderful. Once you almost reach the crowning – not many can manage it, by the way – you will know, freshie. I do not know how I feel anyway, when the number of my followers increases day by day even though I do not update that often in this day and age. Thankful, maybe?

HOWEVER! I hereby, with big heart, pronounce my willingness to answer all the eleven stimulating questions tagged by Amy Syakela, a course-mate of mine. The reason why I am so willing to take up the challenge is, I want to keep in touch with my course-mates who I never really had a chance to sit and converse with for a long time to get to know each other better. There are some course mates I regret for not appreciating my moments with them by means of studying together in the library, hanging out with them during weekends and having lunch or dinners while we were still at UiTM Sungai Petani.

And Amy Syakela is indeed one of them.

So, Amy, I would like to thank you for tagging me. Tagging me means you still spare a thought about me. I want to think that way even if it might be the other way round. Hahaha! Keep in touch, will you babe?

Here we go!

Another 11 Things About Me That You Should Know

1) I love camping!
2) I fall asleep easily in car.
3) I hate lizards’ poops. Geli gila.
4) I reached puberty at the age of 10.
5) I only have a pair of shoes and slippers.
6) I have to be jabbed at least three times per year for my skin.
7) I breathe through my mouth instead of nose most of the time.
8) I am allergic to fury animals especially cats. Get them away from me!
9) No matter how slim I am, I would not look slim because my boobs are big.
10) One of the things I love the most is my headphone, given by my BFF, Ama H.
11) I can fall asleep again when I smell my Baby (refer to previous post) after waking up from 12-14 hours of sleep.
The 11 Stimulating Questions
1) Are you single? If yes, do you have a crush with someone? If no, who is your gf/bf?
I am and I do have a crush on a lot of people!

2) What is the type of boy/girl that you like?
The one who knows when to hug and kiss me.

3) How do you explain the word, "Unique"?
Being able to standout no matter how unfashionable one is.

4) What is the perfect age for you to get married? Why?
27, InsyaALLAH because I'd like to focus on my career first.

5) Would you break the law to save a loved one?
Some rules are meant to be broken, honey.

6) What's something you know you do differently than most people?
Does the way I think count?

7) If you had to move to a state or a country besides the one you currently live in, where would you move and why?
Kuala Lumpur because there is a lot of eccentric people with myriad of quirks to be observed. Good observers make good writers, honey.

8) If you knew that everyone you know was going to die tomorrow, who would you visit today?
My family of course.

9) Decisions are being made right now. The question is: Are you making them for yourself, or are you letting others make them for you?
I hardly let other people decide for me. Even my parents. Except for the course I’m going to study later.

10) What one thing you have not done that you really want to do?
Dancing! I really regret for not entering a dance class during my childhood. I would have been slimmer!

11) What do you think about me? *Be honest. I would love to know something that people see inside me which I don't even notice them.
I do not know you well, Amy. So I cannot judge you. However, I know you’re a workaholic and responsible person because Ama used to tell how you managed your class that problems rarely occurred, except that you guys had more assignments and test than we did. And you’re sweet, Amy.

Ps; The title of this post refers to Colbie Caillat's song.

GOTCHA!

2011-11-11T18:46:00.012+08:00

TERMS & CONDITIONS:

1.You must post these rules.
2.Each person must post 11 things about themselves in their journal.
3.Answer the questions the tagger set for you in their post. And create eleven new questions for the people you tagged to answer.
4.You have to choose 11 people to tag and link them on the post.
5.Go to their page and tell them you have tagged HIM/HER
6.No tag back!
7.No stuff in the tagging section about "YOU ARE TAGGED IF YOU ARE READING THIS" YOU LEGITIMATELY (a.k.a REALLY, TRUST, WITH ALL HONESTY) have tagged 11 people.

11 Things You Should Know About Me

^{Click the photo for a larger view}

These are the questions I've been asked by Mr. Taufik. Tempting, aren’t they? LOL!

1) What’s the wallpaper on your phone?
Nothing wowing. It really is a wallpaper with an inspiring quote, “I CAN DO IT!”

2) What makes you unique?
Capable of expressing my oh-so insensitive and offensive opinions without causing any wars. Not to boast, but I can tell that many fall for my cuteness regardless of how annoying I can be.

3) The last time you were angry? Why?
It was because of my stubborn younger sister. Sisters falling out – what a normal occurrence!

4) Are you a giver or a taker?
A giver! Because I boastfully am of the opinion that no one can give as good as I can, especially when it comes to sensuous touches! ROLF! Hahahahaha!

5) Your favourite hangout? Why?
My home, of course. Frankly speaking, I don’t find happiness in shopping complexes. I find it in my sleep. At home. Day-dreamers like me just don’t hangout much. Muahah!

6) What is your favourite mistake?
Expecting others to be as liberal as I am. I am such a dick! Ignore meyh!

7) What were you doing before this?
Promoting my favourite songs by Adam Lambert to my brother. He likes them too!

8) What and who are you afraid of?
Death and spiders. They freak me out like crazy!

9) Your childhood nickname?
Baby. LOL! I was and still am a ‘baby’ in my family. Mengada kan?

10) Your most embarrassing moment?
Entering MGS Idol when I was 12. I thought I had sung well but after I got down the stage, my friends said they couldn’t hear a word. Everybody was staring, figuring what song I was singing! What the !@#$%^&*()! Can you imagine how desperate I was to hide my face?

11) What was the strangest dream you've ever had?
Meeting Khairul Helmi and his fiancée! His fiancée looked so pretty but she turned out ugly in the end. So suddenly. Aiyok!

These are the eleven questions for ya, victims! LOLOLOL!

1) What is your deepest fear?
2) Describe me in three words.
3) What do you think of PPSMI?
4) Your favorite childhood cartoon.
5) What is so uncool about Dato’ Siti Nurhaliza?
6) How do you deal with fucking annoying lecturers?
7) Who are you closer with? Mother or father? Why?
8) Your favourite blog that you won’t ever miss out its updates.
9) If you met our current Prime Minister, what would you say to him?
10) If you could go back in time, which year would you go back to? Why?
11) Which one is actually more essential? Geography or pornography? Why?

And my preys are:
1) Qaisara
2) Judiene
3) Edy Nuar
4) Cik Nyna
5) Yop Qide
6) Malina Azmi
7) Akma Adilah
8) Azza Mazlan
9) Atyqah Rose
10) Amalina Nazri
11) Fakhira Masrom

Most of them are my course mates. I have never had anything in my blog that particularly relates to them so this is the time. They walked in my life once and I won't let them out. Good luck, buddies!

"SELAMAT MENJAWAB"

#OctTwtFest - 221011

2011-11-01T12:43:00.009+08:00

I don’t know what I went there for in the first place. I don’t have many followers on Twitter. I am not a #TahiTwitter. I am not an eminent person that has ever trended on Twitter.

I am just as ordinary as ordinary people are.

I just love attending events that draw people from different stages and ages together. I love being in crowded places with music being played loudly and people singing at the top of their voices. I love doing routines together like dancing poco-poco with the crowds, singing the same song with them and I love looking uniformed with others by means of wearing the same T-shirt.

You know, that sort of thing?

I had fun, though. With my cousin and girlfriends. I had been so excited earlier that day but after arriving at the place where the event was held, I was like, “Damn, I feel like I am the most pious girl in here!” Nah, I am not criticizing anyone. It was cool to see how everyone be themselves. If you’re a smoker, just smoke at the area specially provided for smokers.

Even if you are a girl.

I am used to being discriminated against a fatty and unfashionable girl with scarf. Those types of girls who wear miniskirts and tube tops, slip a box of cigarettes in their pockets, sit on the laps of their boyfriends’, dye their hairs colorfully, drink and smoke a shisha – are all known for their arrogance, conceitedness and poshness.

My experiences of being jerked at by those types of girls are countless. You would not want to read another exceptionally-long post of mine so I am not going any further.

Nevertheless, I was nicely greeted by girls of such types that day. Yes, I was. And as you would have thought, I was taken aback to see them smile at me and show me a peace sign. Nah, I never doubt their sincerity. After I came back to my senses at that moment, I thought that they had smiled at me because they were the crew in charge and they would have seemed impolite as though they did not welcome us had not they smiled at me. And my mates.

They knew the event was meant for all people regardless of how out-dated they were in fashion. I might have not been able to thank each people who had seemed welcoming that day, but if you were the ones, I’d like to thank you very much. Your smile had absolutely made up for my uncomfortableness.

Besides that, I met a few celebrities that I had high-respect for them. And snapping photos with them had also made my day. Oh oh! I met a couple of bloggers too! Kak Dyla and Kak Sue Anna Joe. I might be a bit shorter than them but you can’t deny how way bigger I am!

Look at the photos below!

Me with the sweetest couple of the year!
@ZahirilAdzim ♥ @SheraAiyob

@KhaleeqaIDRUS ♥ @DJNasT

@KhaleeqaIDRUS ♥ @erinadlina
She was one of the contestants of Top Host 2010

Noh Hujan being interviewed
I do not know his real tweethandle #DashUnderscoreDash

@KhaleeqaIDRUS and @dylarosli
She is so cute! Isn't she? Isn't she?

Crazy cousin (in blue dress) and girlfriends
@Zurachid - @DiidaBahrie - @AmlinaNazri

Last but not least, me ♥ @sueannajoe
And our last shot! ;)

To sum all up, I will still attend the #OctTwtFest next year if it is held again. No doubt. Probably with my boyfriend. Who knows? ROLF! I am still single and not-looking, by the way. This kind of events makes spending our times on Twitter worthwhile.

After all, we are the technologically advanced generation, aren’t we?

My 5Bs: Brains, Billions, Body, Benz and Bungalow!

2011-10-15T11:38:00.002+08:00

I got the idea of writing this post from an article published in The Star where it reported that a seminar about motivating today’s generation to achieve 5As instead of 5Bs was held somewhere in Malaysia. I have forgotten the actual title of the article. Yet, to the extent that I remember, it has got something to do with 5As which had seemed so intriguing to me at the time that I had given a damn to read it. LMAO!

After reading the whole of it, then only I got it that the seminar was meant to educate people to find and look and work for attraction, attention, admiration, affection and acceptance – the 5As that had been the subject of the colloquium. It is not that I am against everything that is good nor am I trying to be the opposite of good things for the sake of being a standout. I have my own reasons for being so, you know.

I assure you that this post has nothing to do with my brainless politic views or me being a dick to take my own race down by means of opposing the implementation of hudud law. Not such things.

I am going to elucidate why I would rather achieve 5Bs than 5As. Have I got enough attention? Have I been attractive enough to be noted when I stand in a crowd of same race and religion, style and outlook? Have I had enough admirers? Have I met the criteria to be accepted without a bit of hesitance?

1) Brain
Dude, without brains, you couldn’t even know what affection is and how to appreciate such a thing to be well accepted and admirable and how to make yourself attractive to draw others’ attention. Nobody likes people who blather! People have been warned not to pass on any remarks without any knowledge about a particular subject ever since our local artists’ opinions regarding the implementation of hudud law were sought.

In simple words, everybody finds people without brains annoying. Such people get on other people’s nerves very easily. Like how exasperating I am, found by some of you, for I posted a lot of shit on my blog recently. Even so, it is not that I aim to have the biggest brain in the world, nor do I expect my future partner to have a big brain. The middling ones are fairly fine you know? At least, you have brains where wisdom comes from. Brains to think what you are supposed to do as a somebody, and what you aren’t.

Of course, if you’re looking for somebody, to be with, for your whole life, would you find a simpleton who needs to be ordered and told what they have to do next every single time? No, right? Of course you expect your partner to have brains and you want to have proper brains yourself to be, at least, better than your enemies. Derr .. those who don’t look for partners with brains, call me in ten years from now to let me know how you are doing. I bet you’ll end up in Tanjung Rambutan as a result of being annoyed over the years with your brainless partner. ROLF!

2) Billions

Billions mean money. When it comes to money, one buck is never enough in this day and age. Yes, you can buy a Tropicana ice-cream which only costs you a buck but does the pleasure it gives you guarantee your happiness for your entire life?

Do not tell me that money is not important and cannot give you happiness.

Excuse me, you buy your daily meal with money. Without you meal, you will be hungry. When you’re hungry, you will have no mood. Having no mood means you are not happy! Money can buy happiness, dude. Oh wait. Let me tell it specifically to the person who has fooled the world with her song.

Jessie J, money indeed can buy happiness. Don’t you realize, hadn’t people bought your album, you would have not been able to proceed with your next album for you didn’t get your payback to do so, which would have led you to an unwelcomed doom?

Correct me I’m wrong, but money can guarantee my happiness. Mine and my future husband’s. And even my family’s! It suffices to say that without brains you can’t have billions. My family becomes so happy every time my mom gets her profits from taking orders of food and cakes. Why do we become happy? It’s because we know the money can be used to pay bills and debts. I need my partner to have billions and I am going to work for it myself too. Billions will enable me and my future partner to have our dreamed wedding! Yeha!

If you want to argue, saying that it will not guarantee my happiness in the next world, well, I thought working is some kind of ibadah? Yes, intention is a prerequisite. We must work because of him, not because of our long to stay happy in this temporary world. I just hold the belief that Allah is going to love it if I do it sincerely, if I enjoy working for my own benefit and happiness instead of praying and hoping for happiness to be bequeathed to me without doing anything. I believe my God loves His hard-working servants.

3) Body
How many times have I told you that I am fat? I am short and fat. Okay, I cannot do anything with my height. I’m going to turn 20 years old next year. This year is my last chance to increase my height. We’ll see if I can be a centimeter taller by the end of the year.

Nonetheless, I can work out for my fatness! I want to acquire the Ommph-ness so I am thinking of going to gym and London Weight Management. I wanna be hot! To be hot, I need brains to think of the ways. To be hot, I need billions to make it to the London Weight Management or even to the cheapest gym. Again, billions are money. 500 bucks are billions to Somalis. To me. To those poor folks in Bersamamu.

Body here means healthiness. Damn, who doesn’t want to be healthy? Are you guys in the right state of mind? No? Then you need billions to hire a psychiatrist. And the psychiatrist you’ll be hiring has brains. Hadn’t he had brains, he wouldn’t have been a psychiatrist – duh. Of course, we want a healthy-bodied partner. It’s not like you want to marry him today and see him in a coffin tomorrow. Unless if you’re materialistic and after his wealth, which shows that you are after billions. Just like me. Wanna high-five?

An unhealthy body needs billions and brains to make it healthy. Once it is healthy, it’ll be happy. Happy body makes happy people.

What say you?

4) Benz
OH M GOD! Benz means car. Don’t tell me you don’t have a dream car. Even if it’s not a car that you dream of, it must be some kind of vehicle that enables you to move from one place to another, easily. Easily, man. I don’t want a Benz but I want an Alphard.

Alphard is the coolest car – or I suppose, van – ever! I get excited when I see an Alphard on the highway. I want to have my own family in the future. I dream of a couple of twins. So, we need a big car. To have a big car, I need brains to work for billions and to keep my body healthy so I can achieve my dream of owning an Alphard.

Yes, I need my partner to have his own car. If he loves Benz, then Benz it is. It would be better if he had a driver so we could make out at the back while we are on our way to a destination. MUAHAHA! It’s just a joke. Don’t get all butt hurt.

5) Bungalow

Oh snap! If you want to live in a palace, you have got to marry a prince. Sounds impossible? How would you know? You’ve got to work for it! Do like what Kate Middleton did. Follow the Prince to college, get to know him, make him fall for you and get into a relationship and get married to him! If you don’t get to marry him, the experience of being in a relationship with him should not be discounted, you know? Ah, if you don’t even get to be in a relationship with him, the experience of seeing him in person after tailing him hither and thither should neither be discounted.

I am blathering.

Okay, let’s think of another way to get into a palace. I have a friend whose father is a somebody. His post makes him one of those who are invited to celebrate the Eid in a palace in one of the states in Malaysia. So, every first day of Hari Raya, he will be in a palace, a dream place of most of us. Brains made him have the post and the post gives him billions and billions enable him to feed his family which makes him happy and happiness makes him bodily healthy and his healthiness enables him to carry out his responsibility successfully till he becomes notable that he gets to his probably dream place.

What does having a bungalow have to do with getting into a palace then? Well, it means that we have to work for what we want. Bungalow, to me, covers everything. It symbolizes an absolute happiness. In a bungalow, there are your brains, your billions, your healthy body and Benz. A bungalow nowadays costs more than I can afford. A bungalow nowadays is ~~fucking~~ too expensive. Without brains, you can’t work to have billions. Without billions, it’s hard to keep yourself healthy. Unhealthy body disables you to work for a bungalow which is supposed to make your family happy.

You couldn’t be happier when your family is happy, right?

Besides, there are 5As in 5Bs.

When there are brains, billions, body, benz and bungalow, there will be a concrete attraction, attention, affection, admiration and acceptance.

Don’t you think so?

Heh.

Leave it unsaid, dear. I do not want to hear.

2011-10-13T02:20:00.005+08:00

I have left UiTM Sungai Petani for approximately two weeks. I am done with the Foundation of Law, as I told in previous post where I dedicated a few words for each of my classmates. Spontaneous and impulsive decision, it was. The decision to put the compilation of feelings I felt at the time into words. The moment my family fetched me from college, to go back to home sweet home, I knew meeting them again would be another hardest thing for my financial drawbacks would never cease. Out of all goodbye sayings I received, the one I found most relevant and applicable was, “See you when I see you.”

The words of a friend of mine indicated how unsure we both were. Hesitant about the time we would meet again. Of course, the world is small. We could meet by chance of bumping into each other if we ever loafed at Midvalley, Lot 10, One Utama or anywhere around KL as we are Selangorians. Yet, to even have my feet step in Bandar Klang – my hometown – costs me more than a buck. Yes, more than a buck. With an empty bank account, the long to gather even for a moment seems to be dragged off beyond the possibility.

My closest roommate once said, when were busy packing up out stuffs to leave the college we had been in for three semesters long, the reason she did not want to be so close to me or others was she was well-aware that friends were meant to come and go. She had admitted that she doubted we would still be in contact ten years from now. She was even doubtful that we would contact during the holiday! I would bet that if others were in my shoes, they would typically reply, “Of course we will! I promise you! You’re my best friend.”

That is what people in general love to do. Promise something that they themselves are not sure about.

When she said all those words, I had stared at her straight in the eyes. Yes, I had. I knew she was hiding something. She held back her tears. She did not tell me something that she knew, would take me aback. A thought emerged from nowhere on my mind. A thought that she would be moving away to a place I could not come and visit for reasons that were so many that my fingers could get numbed to list. For the umpteenth time, after so long, I happened to be at a loss of words.

I had no idea what to utter in reply so I just shut my mouth, wishing I could shut my ears earlier so I did not have to hear all those words. She is my only friend who has been in a foreign country, living there for years as well as getting to experience forming a snowman and being cold for 24/7 that you would have liked it to be cuddled forever. Some time ago, I had asked her if she wished to go back to the foreign country she once lived in for eight years and she did not say ‘yes’ direct to my face. She gave me the answer that implied she could not have been happier if she were ‘there’ at the time.

“I have missed my best friends there.”

I know you have. I remember seeing your face light up after receiving telephone calls from your friends over there. I remember how excitedly you told me what you and your friends had talked about that I had failed to find a space within your words to put across my shared joy. I wonder if you would be as excited as you were if I called you during our holidays.

I never meant to cut off your bliss. It slipped off my mouth without me being able to seize it, throw back into my throat and swallow it down, deep in dumps. I thought I would apologize but then, the devilish side of me told me to let you to be hurt, as painful as I was when you dared to give me a stoned face to my question, which was full of hope.

“Am I your best friend too?”

Do not bother to answer if the answer is no. Just keep it to yourself or you would be a murderer otherwise.

PL3I Dalam Kenangan

2011-09-27T08:05:00.019+08:00

Perhatian: Entri ini ialah entri terpanjang aku pernah tulis. Buat rakan-rakan PL3I, jika enggan membaca sebiji-sebiji, sila cari ucapan untuk kalian berpandukan gambar. Terima kasih.

Ucapan untuk PL3I oleh yang lain:

Najah - Family PL3I
Bella - Pre Law Three I
Yop - Tamatlah Kisah Kita Di Sini
______________________________________________________

Kalian, aku baru je tamatkan pengajian aku dalam Program Asasi Undang-Undang di UiTM, Sungai Petani. Masa terlalu cepat berlalu sehingga tempoh setahun setengah tidak terasa lama. Langung! Mungkin agak klise pengakuan ini, tetapi aku benar-benar rasa seperti seminggu yang lalu saja aku menjejakkan kaki di kampus dan mengenali rakan-rakan sekelas aku yang tiada siapa – aku yakin – mampu nafikan kegempakan, kesempoian, kekecohan dan kemeriahan mereka.

PL3I dalam hati sampai mati.

Kertas peperiksaan terakhir yang diduduki aku dan kawan-kawan ialah Kertas MTC087 – Introduction To Law III. Ya, memang baru intro saja. Tapi kekompleksannya , Tuhan saja yang tahu. Jika ramai kata Kursus Undang-Undang mencabar keimanan kerana memerlukan pelajar untuk komited dalam membaca, memahami dan menghafal akta-akta segala bagai, percayalah, mereka tidak bohong. Memang terlalu banyak keputusan-keputusan kes yang perlu difahami dan diserap oleh minda, tetapi sangat menarik sebenarnya.

Aku tidak merancang untuk menulis entri ini kerana seperti yang aku maklumkan di side bar sebelah, entri seterusnya sepatutnya ialah Sayonara II yang akan diisi dengan perkara-perkara yang aku akan rindui setelah meninggalkan UiTM Sungai Petani. Tetapi rasa terkilan kerana tidak sempat berjumpa setiap rakan sekelas aku membuatkan aku secara spontan terfikir untuk buat entri ini. Mungkin agak bosan bagi mereka yang tak mengenali diri ini secara realiti, tetapi aku harap ia bermakna buat rakan-rakan sekelas aku.

Long-lived PL3I.

Korang, ramai kata waktu degree nanti tak sama dengan waktu asasi. Tapi walau apa pun terjadi nanti, harap-harap persahabatan kita kekal dan hendaknya, biarlah sampai mati. InsyaALLAH. Amin ya rabbal alamin. Ucapan-ucapan di bawah ini ialah untuk korang semua. Ikhlas dan tulus dari hati bekas bendahari korang ini.

Afiqah, awak dah baca surat yang kita bagi awak tu kan? Awak pun dah tahu apa yang kita rasa. Tak ada apa lagi yang kita nak katakan tetapi hanya maaf, maaf dan maaf. Maaf sebab mengkhianati awak. Maaf sebab memperlekehkan ketulusan dan keikhlasan awak dalam persahabatan kita. Maaf sebab mensia-siakan detik kita bersama. Maaf sebab menjadi kawan yang paling menghampakan sebab selalu menuturkan kata-kata kasar yang menusuk hati awak. Maaf sebab menjadi insan yang menyebabkan air mata awak mengalir. Maaf sebab menjadi orang yang terlalu pentingkan diri sendiri dan menolak tepi rasa hati awak. Maaf sebab tidak menjadi kawan yang baik.

Dalam kekejaman kita, kita sebenarnya sayang awak. Terima kasih sebab selalu doakan supaya Allah beri hidayah pada kita untuk berubah dan menjadi lebih solehah. Awak antara insan termulia yang pernah hadir dalam hidup kita. Terima kasih.

Maya, masa semester satu dulu, masa mula-mula jumpa Maya di kelas pertama dulu, kita selalu rasa Maya ialah pelajar tercantik PL3I. Kita sebenarnya selalu rasa meluat dengan orang yang berselendang sebab rasa macam dorang tu pakai tudung sebab nak bergaya saja. Ya, kita ada prejudis walaupun tajuk persuasive speech kita sendiri ‘Say No To Prejudice’ -.-“. Tapi bila tengok Maya, kita rasa Maya ialah gadis yang memang ‘kena betul’ bila pakai selendang. Sesuai dan menawan. Bukan nak berayat manis tapi inilah yang kita rasa, yang kita simpan dalam hati selama ni.

Terima kasih sebab sudi jadi teman pergi balik Shah Alam-Sungai Petani. Terima kasih sebab sudi dengar luahan hati kita. Maaf jika pernah terkasar bahasa dan kelakuan. Maaf sebab bermasam muka pada malam balik KL untuk cuti raya. Kalau ada masalah dalam percintaan atau sebagainya, kita sudi jadi pendengar dan kongsi pendapat. Sayang Maya sangat-sangat!

Awanis dan Ain, sayang korang sangat-sangat-sangat! Tak sangka ada teman rapat dari Kelantan. Kalau kita pergi Kelantan, kita mesti jumpa korang. InsyaALLAH. Wanisku 'musang', terima kasih sebab dengar luahan hati kita. Apa yang kita kongsi, biarlah menjadi rahsia. Memori gelak tawa dengan Wanis takkan dilupakan. Terima kasih kepada korang berdua sebab selalu teman kita makan di Dewan makan Masria bila nampak kita makan sorang-sorang. Maaf kalau terkasar bahasa atau ter’over’ masa luahkan kegeraman terhadap pensyarah. Korang berdua antara insan paling bermakna di kampus. Muah muah!

Jihah budak comel, seronok belajar ekonomi dengan awak. Seronok kongsi cerita pasal ‘hot guys’ dengan awak. Seronok pergi Majlis AGM Kelab KESEDA dengan awak. Terima kasih tau sebab teman kita. Maaf kalau pernah termasuk campur dalam hubungan awak dengan dia hingga merumitkan keadaan. Terima kasih sebab jenguk kita sebelum awak balik! Terharu. Awak selalu jadi orang pertama yang sapa kita bila masuk kelas, seterusnya menjadi orang yang membuatkan kita senyum sampai ke telinga. Awaklah jadi penyejuk hati bila kita rasa terpinggir (yang selalu hadir atas masalah simptom haid) -.-“ Terima kasih, awak.

Daniel, kau ingat tak aku pernah cakap kat kau masa semester satu yang aku pernah berharap aku adalah antara insan-insan yang kau rasa selesa untuk bergurau dan kongsi segala bagai sama-sama? Aku selalu rasa kau ‘cool’. Bukan sebab kau orang Damansara tapi mungkin sebab cara pemikiran kita sama. Aku selalu rasa pengalaman hidup yang mematangkan seseorang itu. Bila kau kongsi pengalaman kau di sekolah asrama dulu dan detik-detik kesukaran hidup kau, aku rasa kita sekepala. Dan dalam masa yang sama, aku selalu rasa cara pemakaian aku – yang selesa berbaju kurung gedebeh – adalah sebab kenapa kita tak serapat macam mana kau rapat dengan budak-budak kelas kita – yang kau sendiri tahu siapa. Aku pernah bagi tahu kau tak yang senyuman kau tu manis nauzubillah?

Kau mesti tahukan gosip-gosip liar berkenaan dengan kau? Orang suka dan tak suka kita tu mesti akan terjadi punya. Manusia mana pernah suka dengan kebahagiaan orang lain? Kecuali mak bapak sendiri. Itupun tak semua. Kau pernah ‘retweet’ tweet aku yang aku kata, “Kalau orang yang selalu menjadi buah mulut orang sebab keburukan dia, tapi orang yang dikutuk tu tak pernah cari pasal dengan aku, sampai mati aku baik dengan dia”. Not exactly like this tapi lebih kuranglah. Aku sebenarnya tujukan dekat kau. Kaulah budak laki kelas kita yang paling aku selesa untuk kongsi pendapat aku dalam segala hal. Baik 18SX punya cerita, mahupun masalah keluarga. Dan cerita hauntuuuu! Haha.

Yazid, my oppa. One of those who always made my day. There were times when I found you annoying but you taught me a lot, oppa. You made me realize how important it is to prepare ourselves before listening to a two-hours lecture. You said that you would miss my sarcasm but I actually found you way more sarcastic than I was, in class. You were never afraid of expressing your opinions that people would have never thought. And that made you remarkable. I remember how strange it was when you were absent. It felt like something was missing. And and, you are the one and only classmate of mine who I feel most comfortable to talk in English with. Your English skills are excellent, oppa. I do envy your excellence sometimes but most of the time, you make me feel proud for you are my friend. You know what, I am one of Dato’ Siti Nurhaliza’s fans actually. I have adored her since I was a toddler. At least we have something in common, right? Forget me not, would you?

Akma, my baby! Kau selalu buat aku rasa senang hati! Kau buat aku rasa tak ketinggalan walaupun hakikatnya banyak aku ketinggalan dalam perkembangan semasa kelas kita. Di Facebook dan Twitter, terutama. Beb, maaf sebab buat kau kecil hati masa kita sama-sama selesaikan tugasan BEL342. Maaf sebab abaikan perasaan kau. Tapi, aku nak ucap terima kasih juga sebab sudi bekerjasama dengan aku. Aku tabik kau punya semangat untuk susutkan badan. Kau buat aku jogging suatu petang tu. Tapi sekali sajalah. Hehe. Kita selalu borak pasal masa depan terutama perkara-perkara yang perlu dilakukan di kamar selepas berumah tangga. Okey, aku tak rasa aku perlu nyatakan di sini -.-“. Maaf sebab tak jenguk kau sebelum aku balik rumah. Aku sayang kau wei. Singgah rumah aku bila kau turun KL adalah satu kewajipan, tahu? Kewajipan perlu ditunaikan, harap maklum. Terima kasih sebab sudi tonton video blog Shaycarl dan kongsi keterujaan! Sayang kau sayang kau sayang kau sayang kau haa!

Amsyar dan Nelfi, merpati dua sejoli. Ramai tak sangka yang korang bersama kecuali aku/kita (dengan Nelfi kita bahasakan diri ‘kita’. ‘Aku macam kasar sangat untuk gadis secomel kucing parsi). Masa semester dua, kitakan satu kumpulan untuk BEL260. Ingat tak, ingat tak? Kita selalu adakan perbincangan agung di Dewan Makan Masria bila mana Amsyar akan datang dengan kerutan di dahi setelah bermandi peluh di bawah terikan matahari dalam perjalanannya. Masa tu kaaaaan, aku/kita sebenarya dah syak ada sesuatu antara korang! Aku/Kita dah hidu dah! Aku/Kita ingat lagi aku/kita balik bilik dan terus beritahu roommate aku/kita ni, Ama, “Ama, something is going on between Amsyar and Nelfi. I think they both like each other. I bet they’ll be a couple in no time!”

Masin tak masinlah mulut aku/kita. Memang korang couple juga akhirnya. Okey, korang boleh gelar aku/kita “Nujum Cik Belalang”. Terima kasih tak terhingga buat korang sebab sudi jadi teman balik Shah-Sungai Petani. Terima kasih sebab belikan tiket. Nelfi, maaf sebab selalu bayar duit tiket bas dan kereta api lewat. Maaf sebab selalu tenung-tenung Nelfi masa semester dua sampai buat Nelfi rasa tak selesa. Terima kasih sebab belanja minuman dan beri kata-kata semangat semasa kita ‘down’ disebabkan masalah kewangan yang tidak berkesudahan. Terima kasih, tau. Amsyar, kau punya telatah memang boleh buat orang gelak golek-golek atas lantai. Itu sebab aku selalu pandang kau. Bukan sebab simpan perasaan ke, apa ke. Aku suka cara kau yang berterus-terang dan terbuka dalam hubungan kau dengan Nelfi. Semoga korang kekal hingga ke akhir hayat! Kalau jodoh korang panjang sampai ke pelamin, aku nak jadi wedding planner!

Mimi dan Bella. Pertama sekali, terima kasih Mimi sebab selamatkan dompet kita! Jantung macam nak gugur bila sedar beg duit kita tak ada dalam beg. Terima kasih juga kepada Ameerul Alonso, yang jumpa beg duit kita. Mimi dan Bella, ingat tak kita pernah buat poco-poco di court waktu tengah malam lepas discussion? Malam tu sangat best. Pasang lagu kuat-kuat seolah-olah Koleh Mahsuri tu bapak kita yang punya. Tak apa, kita dah bayar duit kolej. Muaha! Kita senang dengan kehadiran korang dalam kelas. Senang tengok korang bergurau dengan budak-budak laki kelas kita. Kadang-kadang rasa cemburu sebab kita selalu rasa budak-budak laki kelas kita tak selesa bergurau dengan kita. Kalau borak dengan kita mesti berkenaan masalah negara. Mungkin air muka kita yang garang senantiasa menyebabkan dorang rasa macam tu. Suka tengok korang usik budak-budak laki kita yang selalu berlagak ‘decent’ dan ‘innocent’. Kadang-kadang, nampak macam budak-budak perempuan lebih berkuasa daripada laki. Mungkin sebab bilangan kita ramai. Korang penghibur PL3I! (tabik)

Nina, Teha dan Zaimah, penghuni bilik F4-02-19. Nina, aku tak sangka kau faham situasi kewangan keluarga aku. Terima kasih kerana ajak aku ikut serta ‘program tu’. Jujurnya, aku masih belum bersedia untuk ‘program tu’ tetapi aku doakan yang terbaik untuk kau. Semoga usaha kau membuatkan hasil yang lumayan. Semangat kau yang berkobar-kobar pernah buat bulu roma aku meremang! Tapi aku selalu hangat-hangat tahi ayam. Itu kelemahan aku yang masih belum dibaiki. Maaf sebab menghampakan kau. Terima kasih sebab sokong aku dari kiri kanan depan belakang. Teha yang cun-melecun, terima kasih sebab uruskan perkelahan kita di Batu Hampar dengan jayanya. Tanpa usaha Teha, tak jalan kita sekelas. Teha ubah persepsi kita pada orang-orang Kelantan. Walaupun tak rapat mana, tapi bila nampak Teha, kita berdua tak perlu berborak panjang lebar, tapi kita dua tahu kita sayang sesama sendiri. Cium Teha sikit, meh (:*). Zaimah, tahu tak yang kita rasa bertuah kenal awak? Walaupun kita cuma rapat di semester tiga? Rasa seronok jumpa orang yang ada minat yang sama iaitu baca novel. Kita bukan seorang pendengar tau, awak. Kita lagi suka bercerita. Tapi awak buat kita mendengar. Masa awak ceritakan novel Kau dan Aku, meremang kot bulu roma! Rasa tak sabar nak baca. Dan bila dah baca, rasa tak menyesal. Terima kasih, Zaimah!

Najah, Zaid dan Afza. Rakan sekumpulan masa semester satu. Kita nak minta maaf yang teramat sangat sebab kurang ajar, panas baran, terlalu mendesak, banyak komplen dan berlagak perfectionist semasa semester satu. Maaf sebab buat pengalaman berkumpulan dengan kita paling ngeri sekali. Najah, kita nak bagi tahu awak masa belajar global sama-sama kat surau hari tu tapi tak terbagi tahu. Rambut awak cantik! Dan buat awak bertambah cantik sebab awak tak menunjuk-nunjuk kecantikan rambut awak dengan bertudung. Suka tengok cara awak jalan. Macam teletubies. Comel yang terlampau! Kita doakan awak dengan Syazwan kekal sampai bila-bila. Ada anak nanti mesti comel sebab maknya comel dan bapaknya boleh-tahan-kacak. Sayang awak, Najah.

Zaid, ingat tak kau pernah kata kau rasa macam nak tumbuk aku sebab bahasa aku macam cib*i? Aku minta maaf weh. Aku mengaku salah aku sebab aku letak harapan yang terlalu tinggi pada kau sedangkan kita sama-sama penuntut baru asasi undang-undang. Ilmu undang-undang kita baru sekelumit kuman je. Maaf sebab mengacau-bilaukan hubungan kau dengan Nana. Kita pernah rapat dulu tapi sekejap saja disebabkan panas baran aku. Maaf Zaid sebab tak terima diri kau seadanya. Maaf sebab selalu berkasar dengan kau. Harap kau tak benci aku selamanya. Afza, kau tak pernah jemu puji aku comel, kan? Sampai aku tak tahu nak balas apa. Sebab tu aku tak kurus-kurus. Sebaliknya makin mengembang sebab kau puji comel hampir setiap hari. Terima kasih tak terhingga! Maaf kalau terkasar bahasa dan kelakuan, Afza.

Yop dan Kimi. Yoooop, aku tahu kau tak pernah tahu sebab aku tak pernah pun bagi tahu yang aku pernah berasa kagum dengan kau masa semester satu. Aku pun tak tahu apa yang aku kagumkan. Oh ya! Badan kau. Aku rasa cara jalan kau seksi. Dan stail. Aku tahu kau penunggang motosikal termasyhur walaupun aku tak tengok lagi gambar kau dengan motor kau di FB masa tu. Masa semester dua, meremang bulu roma masa kau bacakan Bismillah 6 di kelas Cik Afni. Dalam ke’rock’an kau, masih terselit keimanan yang kukuh. Aku ingat lagi kau kata, “Tak pa, cakaplah. Aku dengar,” masa aku nak cakap tapi dipotong oleh Daniel dan YM, masa cerita pasal alam ghaib masa makan ramai-ramai di kedai depan UiTM. (Maaf kalau ayat hancur berterabur) Aku ingat lagi yang aku pernah fikir yang kau seorang yang suka bercerita. Masa tu kita baru kenal. Ada perjumpaan di gelanggang tenis. Sementara tunggu yang lain datang, kau cerita yang kau tak suka demam dan sehari kau makan RM10. Kau ‘cool’, yop. Jangan sekali-kali kau rasa rendah diri atas apa sebab sekalipun, tahu? Aku kagum dengan cara kau pikat Yana. Semoga korang kekal selama-lamanya. Amin. Aku suka prinsip hidup kau, Yop.

Kimiiii, nak tahu tak, aku selalu rasa sejuk hati bila tengok kau. Aku rasa macam kau manusia paling ’decent’ dan ‘innocent’. Aku tahu kau sekolah ACS dulu. Aku sekolah MGS. Dan kalau kau nak tahu, di Klang, sekolah ACS dan MGS bersebelahan. Memang lumrah budak ACS kapel dengan budak MGS. Tapi aku tak pernahlah. Aku tahu apa yang kau alami tapi aku tak bagi tahu kau yang aku tahu. Cuma masa di perpustakaan haritu baru aku beritahu. Aku sebenarnya prihatin dengan semua budak kelas kita dalam diam. Sejak aku tahu apa yang kau lalui, aku selalu harap aku dapat jadi salah seorang yang mengubati pedih hati kau tu. Tak perlu jadi makwe kau ke apa, sekadar insan yang buat kau senyum dan gelak serta lupakan kedukaan kau pun dah memadai. Tapi kekurangan aku, yang aku nyatakan secara lalu dalam ucapan aku di atas-atas ni, membuat apa yang aku nak tak kesampaian. Tapi aku nak kau tahu juga aku selalu doakan kau akan berjaya mengatasi kedukaan kau! Kau akan jumpa insan yang akan jaga kau elok-elok, serapi-rapinya. Percayalah! Oh dan lagu satu, orang lain rasa kau comel tapi aku rasa kau handsome. Okey dah.

Kiera, Sya, Yaya dan Faizah. Kita mungkin tak rapat tapi kita mesra. Bertegur sekali-sekala tapi bermakna. Kiera, kita baru tahu yang Kiera sebenarnya duduk atas bilik kita je. Selama ini kita ingat tingkat tiga atau empat. Hehe. Suka baca blog Kiera. Yes, I am your silent reader. (Kenyit mata) Suka bila Kiera tegur kita bila nampak kita tak kira di mana. Terima kasih untuk senyuman manis Kiera! Sya yang selalu usik kita, cium sikit meh! Kita berdua selalu saling mengusik. Selalu buat ‘flying kiss’. Selalu ajuk kata dan telatah sesama sendiri. Kenangan manis saja. Harap dapat jumpa Sya lagi. Yaya dan Faizah, terima kasih sebab sertai Kelab KESEDA. Walaupun kita bukan ahli jawatankuasa, tapi kita ada minat yang mendalam dalam bidang teater. Jadi kita sendiri rasa macam sebahagian KESEDA. Kalau tak jumpa lagi selepas ni, harap kita akan terus berhubung. Terus dan terus berhubung di FB dan Twitter. Jangan lupa kita, tau?

Shatri dan Wan. Shatri, aku baru sedar yang kau adalah budak kelas kita yang paling aku selesa untuk berbalah dan berdebat dalam memperjuangkan pendapat masing-masing. Kita tak pernah sekepala. Ada saja yang nak didebatkan. Tapi selepas lawan-lawan kata, kita ketawa dan senyum-senyum kambing. Kau pernah tanya, “Bila kau nak kurus?” bila aku rasa aku dah kurus dari dulu. Hari yang kau tanya tu, aku baru terima pujian yang badan aku dah susut. Pertanyaan kau yang membawa maksud kau tidak sependapat dengan mereka yang kata aku dah kurus sikit buat kau kekal dalam kotak memori aku. Kau tak pernah gelabah bila orang tak senang dengan pendapat kau. Kau rileks je. Bila ramai ucap “good luck” sebab sekumpulan dengan kau dan Daniel, aku tertanya-tanya juga adakah aku akan rasa tertekan sekumpulan dengan korang. Tapi akhirnya tidak, sebaliknya senang dan mudah. Teruskan ke’sempoi’an kau. Wan, aku minta maaf sebab pernah buat kau marah. Aku minta maaf sebab pernah marah kau pasal ‘perkara tu’. Aku bukan doktor cinta. Aku mungkin berat sebelah sebab menangkan hati dan perasaan perempuan berbanding laki. Tapi aku nak kau tahu, aku hormat kau sebab pendirian kau, perbuatan kau, percakapan kau. Kau sanggup hantar kawan-kawan kita ke destinasi mereka, malah kau tolong jemput aku di Stesen Bas Sungai Petani. Maaf sebab susahkan kau. Maaf jika aku jarang tegur kau. Aku luar mungkin nampak garang, tapi dalam, aku gerun juga bila kau tayang muka serius. Heee.

Ama, Iera, Ain Zulaikha dan Aila. Ama, aku tak tahu berapa kali dah aku cakap tapi aku nak cakap sekali lagi, “Beb, jodoh kita panjang gila. Sekelas dari sekolah rendah sampai ke universiti! Universiti beb! Panjang tak panjang jodoh kita? Ahah!” Maaf beb kalau aku tak rapat dengan kau. Maaf sebab marah kau atau kecilkan hati kau. Aku sebenarnya tabik kat kau. Kau sentiasa jaga diri kau tak kira dengan siapa dan di mana. Mai dan Naz kata kau makin ‘hot’ sekarang. Memang pun. Makin cantik. Makin matang. Aku yang tak berubah-rubah. Ama, rumah kita jauh tak sampai lima minit. Tolonglah datang bila-bila kau lapang dan jangan nak malu-malu. Aku tembak kang baru tahu. Sayang kau gila-gila! Iera, kita rasa awak punya senyuman sangat manis. Cantik! Maaf ya Iera kalau pernah terkasar bahasa dengan Iera. Mulut kita memang macam gampang sikit. Eh bukan sikit tapi banyak! Maaf. Ain, Ain pun tak pernah jemu puji kita comel sampai roommate-roommate kita rasa nak muntah. Terima kasih Ain sebab tolong kembangkan pipi kita dengan cubitan Ain. Hehe! Ain seorang yang mengambil berat. Terima kasih sangat-sangat tau! Aila, semoga Aila tabah tempuh hidup yang penuh pancaroba ni! Dan terima kasih sebab beli T-shirt kita. Cewah!

Wanie, Afifah (Opah) dah Syafiqah. Wanie, Afiqah bagi tahu kita yang Wanie ada puji kita. Tak tahulah betul atau tidak atau apa yang Wanie puji, tapi terima kasih tau. Maaf sebab berpakaian tak sopan setiap kali Wanie datang bilik kita. Seronok dapat bekerjasama dengan Wanie di semester tiga. Jangan berputus asa. Semua benda tak senang tau, Wanie. Kes-kes law memang macam ‘harem’, tapi kalau Wanie faham kes-kes tu, Wanie akan rasa seronok. Maaf kalau jarang berbual dengan Wanie. Opaaaah, kita adalah antara manusia yang paling banyak dosa dalam kelas PL3I sebab selalu ajuk cakap Opa bila Opah salah sebut perkataan Inggeris. Kita ajuk seolah-olah sebutan kita betul saja sedangkan bagi mereka yang pakar Bahasa Inggeris, sebutan kita saling tak tumpah macam orang asli cakap Inggeris. Kita mengaku ada kalanya sebutan salah Opah tu mencuit dan menggelikan hati hingga kita tak mampu kawal tawa kita. Minta maaf, Opah kalau Opah terasa. Kita benar-benar rasa bersalah bila Opah tak lagi banyak bercakap di semester tiga. Tapi satu yang kita kagum, walaupun orang duk mengata sebutan Opah, tapi Opah tak pernah malu untuk berdiri di depan lagi. Opah belajar melalui kesilapan. Tabik Opah! Syafiqah, saya nak bagi tahu, awak cantik. Walaupun saya rasa macam nak derma lemak saya. Dan awak pandai. Dan awak pakar Fishville. Macam mana awak main Fishville sampai level 70 lebih eh?

Ielham, Pokcu, Dalila, YM. Bekas-bekas kelas I. Korang, kita rindu korang. Tak main-main tapi serius punya rindu. Ielham, aku sempat kenal kau sebulan lebih je sebab lepas tu kau pindah maktab. Wei, aku percaya kau akan jadi cikgu laki yang menjadi dambaan murid-murid perempuan. Kau ada rupa! Aku ingat lagi yang aku fikir kau kacak masa jumpa kau di kelas pertama masa semester satu. Kau pakai baju warna merah jambu. Sesuai dengan kau. Tak semua laki sesuai pakai warna tu tau. Yang sesuai tu ialah laki-laki unik dan bertuah! Hehe. Jangan lupa aku, wei.

Pokcu, kenangan yang kita tak boleh lupa dengan Pokcu ialah saling suap-menyuap di dalam kelas masa sambut hari jadi Cik Fatin dan makan roti tisu di Nashmir. Kita suka bila Pokcu dengar dengan teliti bila orang terangkan sesuatu kat Pokcu. Kita selalu fikir yang Pokcu ni ada semangat nak belajar cuma perlukan sokongan dan kata-kata perangsang dari orang sekeliling. Kita pernah rasa nak jaga Pokcu walaupun diri kita sendiri tak terjaga. Pernah sayang dan masih sayang Pokcu. Semoga Pokcu berjaya dengan cemerlang dalam pelajaran. Jangan lupa Lekha tau!

Dalila, tipulah kalau kita kata tak sedih bila awak pindah maktab. Rasa tak puas hati sebab awak pergi juga walaupun kita kata jangan pun ada. Tapi kita tahu, restu dan harapan ibu bapa yang penting. Meromang bulu roma beli Dal bagi tahu yang ayah Dal gembira betul dapat tahu Dal dapat maktab. Dal, maaf kalau kita pernah marah Dal, pernah tinggi suara kat Dal. Terima kasih sebab sayang kita. Kita pun sayang Dal. Belajar rajin-rajin. Kita boleh gerenti yang Dal akan jadi seorang cikgu yang penyayang! Dahlah cantik pula tu. Maaf sebab tak ikut Maya jumpa Dal kat KLCC hari tu. Masalah kewangan kita tak pernah berkesudahan. Jadi nak bergerak dari satu tempat ke satu tempat agak bermasalah sebenarnya. Sayang awak, Dal!

YM! Lekha tahu YM tak tahu yang Lekha rasa sunyi masa awal-awal YM pindah kelas. Rasa sunyi sebab bila YM ada dalam kelas, dan kemukakan pendapat-pendapat YM, Lekha selalu rasa nak bidas sebab pendapat kita selalu bertentangan. Tapi Lekha tak bidas sebaliknya simpan dalam hati sebab dengan YM Lekha rasa lain sikit. Rasa hormat pun tu lebih. Lekha ingat lagi yang Lekha tak boleh terima bila YM kata YM nak beli janggut dan pakai serban bila dah meningkat dewasa nanti. Lekha bukan tak boleh bayangkan tapi Lekha tak nak bayangkan. Lekha bukan jenis yang mudah terima perubahan. Dulu Lekha rasa apa yang YM buat dan cakap dengan Lekha semua bermakna. Pernah juga Lekha tefikir yang Lekha ada hati kat YM tapi bila dah matang sikit ni, Lekha sedar perasaan tu bukan perasaan apa pun, Cuma kagum dengan kecerdikan dan kepetahan YM. Ingat lagi yang Lekha suruh YM senyum selalu masa semester satu. Kita jarang cakap tapi bila dah cakap tak boleh berhenti. Terima kasih YM sebab pernah hadir dalam hidup Lekha.

Last but not least, wakil kelas PL3I semester tiga, Nor Sharina Baizura. Zura, terima kasih kerana percaya pada kita dan melantik kita sebagai bendahari secara tak rasmi. Maaf sebab selalu tak bawa duit kelas ke kelas. Kita simpan dalam bilik. Rumah kita dua tak jauh pun. Kalau nak keluar sama-sama boleh je. Setakat Centre Point Klang tu, setiap hari boleh. Tapi kalau Midvalley ke, Lot 10 ke, tu kena tunggu fulusnya stabil ya buk! Kita kagum dengan cara Zura uruskan kelas kita. Zura bekalkan budak-budak kelas kita nota. Tindakan bijak! Sebab budak laki selalunya tak ada inisiatif untuk fotostat sendiri walaupun dorang tahu dorang tak ada nota tu. Zura seorang yang sangat bertanggungjawab! Pengasih dan penyayang. Boleh dikatakan Zura ialah wakil kelas terbaik! Keep it up, yayang!

Aku percaya ini ialah entri terpanjang pernah aku tulis. Secara kesimpulannya, aku mohon maaf atas segala kekasaran bahasa dan kelakuan. Di sini juga ingin aku berpesan, kalau terjumpa aku di mana-mana sila jangan segan-segan nak tegur. Dan jangan terkejut jika melihat perbezaan diriku. Mungkin aku akan bertambah bulat, mungkin juga semakin tinggi dan seksi. Semoga kita berjumpa lagi. Aku doakan agar kita semua berjaya dalam apa jua bidang yang kita ceburi waktu ijazah nanti. Jaga diri baik-baik, kalian!

Salam sayang,
Khaleeqa Idrus.

4 noteworthy reasons why I find Mat Sabu amusing

2011-09-14T03:31:00.007+08:00

Following the insensitive remarks made by Mohammad, also known Mat Sabu, government’s insecurity towards the possible long-term consequences and public’s comments have been occupying the front pages of daily newspapers these past few days. For some reason, I find these days’ newspapers much more enjoyable than before.

My friends and I have merged into serious and deep conversations on the matter of the cowardice and stupidity of the freak, so-called Mat Sabu, this lately. We might not have the expertise to talk about the politics as we are just about to finish our foundation of law in a few weeks to come but discussing about the subject helps us stimulate our minds. So I like it.

I like stimulating thingy.

Thus, I would like to put the points that we have ever come out with into words. To be exact, into my own words. Here we go!

1. Because of the one freaking book.

September 6, 2011 – News Straits Times.
“Book Supports My remarks”
Ahmad Fairuz.

Mohammad or unfashionably called Mat Sabu (2011, as cited in Ahmad Fairuz, 2011) claimed that he did not make the insensitive remarks baselessly as he came out with them from reading a book published by Yayasan Warisan Johor called Pengukir Nama Johor. It has been confirmed that the book is a compilation of articles written and edited by a range of editors who let the historians and experts to interpret their writings.

That was just a summary of the article.

First of all, I thought he was one of the heads of PAS. Parti Agama Islam Se-Malaysia. He is supposed to be practicing and be more acquainted with the teaching taught and urged by Prophet Muhammad. If he is not, then would you still want him to be the next president of Parti Agama Islam Se-Malaysia? Are you out your mind or something?

"Go in quest of knowledge even unto China." - Prophet Muhammad S.A.W

With regards to the saying, I bet he has heard and even advocated other people to study and gain knowledge as much as one can. We are to seek knowledge from the cradle to the grave.

Because of the one freaking book – Pengukir Nama Johor, he dared to emerge with the remarks. I wonder if he really has finished reading the book. He appeared with a conclusion without a consensus from other leaders of same party as articulated in “Pas Leaders Stay …” (2011), or even the experts. Does not it clearly show he brought about the issue emotionally and selfishly? Does not that show our religious heads are as corrupted as they ever claim we are for supporting the government?

Additionally, he did not quote the part of the book he claimed was supporting. Okay, he might not have had the book with him at the time he admitted that to the press. Even so, he would have remembered a saying or two from the book for he was so excited and keyed up with the book! The quotation had not had to be perfect or exact as in the book. Paraphrased quotes with citation would do.

2. The presence of nationalism

September 6, 2011 – The Star.
“Mat Sabu insists Mat Indera was a fighter”

He asserted that credit should not solely go to Tunku Abdul Rahman and Datuk Onn Jaafar, the founder of UMNO in the fight for independence as the twosome merely assisted Malaysia to gain independence as UMNO was the only political body that was not banned by the British then.

I wish I could say this to Mat Sabu:

Dude, why-lah on this earth are you so narrow-minded? Did you ever attend a school or play truant instead, and loaf in the toilet? Tunku Abdul Rahman and Dato On Jaafar went to Britain to gain independence as the representatives of our nation. The independence gained was not only for the members of UMNO, but for the nation as a whole.

Fine, you said that Tunku Abdul Rahman and Datuk Onn Jaafar were rightly freedom fighters but other freedom fighters should also be grouped with them. Come on, it is impossible to name all freedom fighters one by one kot! Like how impossible it is for Dato’ Siti Nurhaliza to name her fans who made her who she is today.

Tunku Abdul Rahman and Datuk Onn Jaafar were just the representatives of all freedom fighters. Even if Mat Indera was really a freedom fighter of Malaya (which the truth is he was not), he would have been proud of them and felt relieved with the independence gained.

If one is not racist, one will feel proud of what one’s leaders have achieved for the sake of their citizens.

3. An obvious fact

7 September 2011 – News Straits Times.
“Insensitive Remarks”
Tunku Abdul Aziz

The writer of the letter sent to NST wrote that:

“He said he did not use the word ‘communist’ to describe the attackers. The fact is they were communists.”
I couldn’t agree more with the writer. Isn’t it obvious that they were communists when they appeared with the ideology of communism? Communism practitioners are communists. -.-“

4. Out of the frying pan, into the fire.

Claiming that the real heroes were the communists, not the polices for the polices were the British officers is akin and similar to wishing the communists had won and taken over the land to be colonized, as though the communist had ever promised us an independence. We all would have not been born had the communists won. Neither would Mat Sabu.

It would have been like keluar mulut buaya, masuk mulut naga.

In brief, I would like to let you know that terrorists love publicity. Terrorists aim the media to promote their hazardous ideologies. Thus, do not point the finger at other races if Malaysian Muslims are hated and called terrorists.

Because you know why.

Top 10 Things That Make Me Go WTH

2011-08-18T10:09:00.000+08:00

Despite of wearing baju kurung to classes almost every day, I do also swear and curse at times – I have mentioned previously that my behaviors and attitudes are contradictory with my appearance. I can’t help but to feel annoyed with some silly things done by others as do others when it comes to the silliness of mine.

Like you would say, we are just ordinary humans with feelings.

To be true, I do not always exclaim the WTH words. Sometimes I do helplessly burst the F word out and people around me will stare at me as though I was a total freak. This invariably happens when I have my premenstrual. Like seriously, dude. Do not mess with me if you are not married yet and planning to soon. (smug)

So here are the top ten and most common things that make me go “WHAT THE HECK, ~~BULLOCKS~~ DUDE?”and blurt the F word out. Helplessly.

10. A female-senior in the institution you’re studying at tells you, “Girl, short-sleeved T-shirts are forbidden, aren’t you aware of that? How long have you studied here?” when her own oh-so long-sleeves of cardigan are rolled up to her arms.

9. Guys or girls with unpleasant looking are not meant to be loved.

8. A girl with skinny jeans and tight dress claims that she is fat and gonna start banning rice and almost all food.

7. A girl just lost her phone and instead of worrying about how she is going to contact her parents for she doesn’t remember her parents’ phone numbers, she cries, “How is my boyfriend gonna call me now? He has promised to call me every morning to wake me up so I won’t be late to class.”

6. You are a slut if you wear a baju kurung and the color of you bra or your panty line is visible.

5. TESL or Law students are arrogant and posh for they have better proficiency in English.

4. When a girl and her male-friend are high-fiving, someone shockingly rebukes, “Hey! You both are not muhrim.”

3. You say that the courses you are learning are hard because all the text-books are in English.

2. You go to a bazaar and come across some kuih and say out loud to your friends, “Kuih ni banyak kalori. Menggemukkan,” and indirectly offend the seller.

And last but not least, the thing that gets on my nerve the most is,

1. Just because your friends are not going to any particular place, you cannot go because you’ll look lonely if you walk by yourself.

Pergi ~~mati~~ blah.

At First Sight

2011-08-17T10:13:00.000+08:00

Do you really like Khaleeqa?
Muka dia sebenarnya biasa saja tapi I suka personaliti dia

Being asked whether you have ever fallen for someone at first sight is – not to mention – too cliché. Am right, people? Girls – I’ll bet – have been asked by those among themselves and answered such a question more than guys could have thought. Unlike girls, guys mostly do not ask and answer that kind of question because they experience it quite often. Just so you know, guys by and large tend to look at the physical beauty of girls’ before getting or even trying to know what the girls have inside them.

I am not stating this baselessly. Dato’ Fadzilah Kamsah once claimed the same thing. He said that the physical beauty a girl owned would attract a guy to get to know her. That is why it is imperative for girls to care for their appearances and never take the way they dress up for granted. I guess our pride – I mean us, the girls – is there somewhere, in our image. Hmm… I guess so.

Instead of answering or mulling over the have-you-ever-fallen-for-someone-at-first-sight question, I would rather ask myself whether or not I have the qualities for guys to fall for me at first sight. And that’s actually the thing that I wanted to tell in the first place!

The only thing that would never ever happen to me is: Guys falling in love with me at first sight.

I am not kidding, guys. I am dead serious.

1. I am short and my height has not grown since I was 12. If people shout shockingly out loud that I look like a 12-year-old kid, they are not kidding and you ought to believe them. The proof is, the baju kurung I wore when I was 12 still fits me right.

2. I am podgy. Podgy, according to TheFreeDictionary.com means short and fat. I am, yaw. I hope you’re not fooled by the picture put at the side bar. My sister said that it was a camera-trick. As a proof to the fact that I am fat, my weight is you-do-not-want-to-know, seriously.

3. People say that being podgy makes me look cute. I wish I could screw them but they are my friends. Of course they have to say that because they are my friends. How about other strangers? Would they think the same thing too? Guys do not regard being podgy as a cuteness. They regard it as a ~~sickness~~.

4. I do not dress to kill. I still wear the archaic tudung bawal. I am not up to hanatajima or whatsoever. I wear a loose t-shirt with jeans to a shopping complex. I put on what I am comfortable with.

5. I do not wear cosmetic products except for eyeliner. I am sadly allergic to cosmetics.

To sum all up, I do not have the qualities to be fallen for at first sight. I guess it is important for all of us to know whether or not we have the qualities because knowing the fact – be it we have the qualities or not – will prevent us from being jealous of others who own the criteria, make us even more sensible and perhaps teach us to improve our weaknesses or be grateful.

You know what, if any guy tells me that he likes me because I am cute, I will just thank him and ignore him after that. My physical cuteness will not last forever. There are times when I wake up from a wonderful nap, I look like a zombie. There are times when I sneeze unstoppably, I look like a clown. And when I laugh, my cuteness automatically disappears for I sound as though I was shouting instead of laughing gleefully.

"I would rather be liked and loved for who I am, for how I stand in front of my class and do my presentation and speak up my mind, for the knowledge I am eager to share with people, for why I do not wear makeup and stylish clothes, for how I care for those who are close to me, as well as other abstract reasons that one will learn after knowing me for a considerable length of time."

My latest ex-boyfriend – who some of you might already know – used to like me for who I was. He never said anything about me looking cute or pretty. He said things like, “My baby is a genius,” “You’ve got the brain,” and etc. The conversation I wrote at the beginning of this post was the conversation my friend had with him when we were at the stage of getting to know each other.

That is why I have more net-friends than real friends because my net-friends know my personality through my writings but friends-wannabe? They are hardly attracted to me because I do not own the attractiveness that pulls them to get to know me better. Another way of saying this is,

I would never be fallen for at first sight.

Okay. I just made myself sound danged pathetic. I did not mean to but I was just being sensible, you know? Hehehehe.

Ps ; The title of this entry refers to Nicholas Sparks’ novel. A must-read novel.

Perempuan

2011-08-12T11:39:00.003+08:00

Tibanya musim 'test' dan 'exam',

"AKU NAK KAHWIIIIIIIIIIN"
+________+"
Pfftt.

10 Reasons Why I Am Still Single

2011-08-05T07:04:00.000+08:00

I have been seriously, deeply, madly, truly, passionately and head over heels in love for three times. From the last time I broke up and thus far, I have been single, riding to every corner of the world all by myself, alone without a so-called boyfriend or soul mate or whatever you may call a partner as, by my side. As you would have thought, I am happy with how I am now that not a second I regret for letting my last ex-boyfriend go.

Just so you know, a boyfriend or a girlfriend is like an element of ourselves which the absence of the element would make us seem incomplete – whereby as a matter of fact we are still a human even without the freaking element, duh. I can’t help but to admit the idea mentioned because after being a one-year-old grown-up, it is hard to get rid of being asked by long-lost friends or meet-once-in-awhile relatives or even people standing in near relation, whether you are currently in a relationship or why on earth you are still all by yourself.

For I never spared a time to think abstrusely about why the hell I was and still am single, I used to give annoying-yet-acceptable responses like, “I am too cute to be loved,” “I have had enough,” “Haven’t you heard of love being the slowest form of suicide? I am just too young to die,” and other conceited answers a growing kid could ever give.

I was pompous like that.

I have no idea if the ten reasons I am about to list are acceptable but they are what I think that make me unfavorable, dislikeable or unlovable. I am not a guy. How would I know what guys think of me, right? Just take them as thoughtful ideas, okay?

Here we go the top-ten reasons why I am still single.

10. If I went to Mc Donald with a boyfriend of mine and he asked me to choose a double-cheese burger or a chicken porridge or a Big Mac burger or Oreo McFlurry, I would choose all.

9. I would rather go from one place to another on our date by public transports instead of letting him drive his car or ride his motorcycle because I was not going to let off his hands. Most of the guys, at least the ones I know, hate using public transports.

8. I myself love riding a motorcycle rather than driving a car, even though I presently do not own any car.

7. If I was in this kind of situation, this is how I would react.

Situation: In a bus for a long journey, a guy sitting next to me was sleeping and without consciousness, he landed his head on my shoulder. When he suddenly woke up and realized that he was sleeping on my shoulder, he shyly apologized. And instead of just smiling and saying “It’s okay,” I would pat my shoulder, signifying my willingness of letting him sleep on shoulder back or if he was completely awake, I would immerse both of us into a deep conversation about current momentous or political issues rather than "kau-dari-mana-dan-berhenti-kat-mana" conversation.

6. I laugh as if I was doing a toothpaste commercial.

5. I do not walk. I march.

4. Even a person I am talking to is standing right in front of me, I speak to the person as if he or she was 10 miles away. It is an irremovable habit.

3. Instead of going for a lovey-dovey movie, I would rather go to a place or for a walk and have a debate session. You-are-my-world or I-miss-you-every-second-even-you-are-right-in-front-of-me conversation is void.

2. I do not entertain gibberish message for I hate texting every matter of minute or conversing via a phone call for hours. I would prefer to meet or make a surprised call for a short time only to let him know that he was the one who occupied every inch of my mind.

Last but not least, the reason why I, Khaleeqa bt Idrus am still single is,
1. I am one of the kind of girls who wear baju kurung to classes and my attitudes and behaviors are contradictory to my appearance.

It’s annoying, I know right?

Metro oh Metro ...

2011-07-23T01:41:00.000+08:00

I do not mean to brag or whatnot but I grew up with The Stars and News Straits Times. Oh and yes, not forgotten – Reader’s Digest. My siblings and I have been encouraged since we were born to read English reading substances. Well, as a growing kid, I used to be self-righteous, thinking that what my parents had decided for me might not necessarily be the right one for me. I thought that yeah, my brother who was and still is excellent in English might have been born for our second language but not me. I used to prefer Malay Language rather than English for I thought that our mother tongue was the most beautiful language which had the most pleasant rhythm.

As time goes on, I discovered that resisting to learn other languages or the international language in particular which is English – duh, as we all are well-aware – is a big loss. Just so you know, there is more that you are to discover over time. Thus, reading this particular article cited in Metro has made me admittedly rage because the statements are all baseless. The title itself is offensive and nocuous. I am afraid that Metro will get into deep trouble for publishing such a thing.

"Beliau juga menafikan bahasa Melayu tidak boleh memberi impak hebat seperti bahasa lain kerana masyarakat antarabangsa sudah berlumba-lumba mempelajarinya. Jika bangsa luar menyokong, mengapa tidak kita sedangkan ia sudah dimartabatkan sebagai bahasa dunia."

You may click here to read the whole article.

So here is my rebuttal.

Yes, others races in abroad are enthusiastic to learn our language because our language might be their second or third language, not their mother tongue. They have mastered their own mother tongue, so why would they waste their time focusing on one thing? It’s just not them. They are kind of persons who keep on moving and developing – not to mention, not like us.

Therefore, we’re supposed to emulate them. In order to gain more knowledge, we have to get out from our comfort zone. Duh – Aren’t you all aware with the cliché? They want to learn our language because they want to make a living here. To learn our cultures that used to be exemplary. They never get enough of learning. Thus, to know what we know that they think they might not know yet, they learn our language.

That’s what we are supposed to do. We learn their language so we can accumulate their knowledge more easily. And for those who want to pursue their studies in abroad, is it gonna work by resisting to learn the international language and keeping on studying our mother tongue instead? I tell you what, it’s going to bring you nowhere. Nowhere, man.

Please read this article which was written by Tun Dr. Mahathir in one of his blogpost. You’ll get the idea better.

Untuk memahami tulisan mereka dalam bahasa Inggeris kita memerlu kelulusan Phd dalam bahasa Inggeris dalam bidang-bidang khusus. Tidak ramai saintis yang belajar dalam bahasa Melayu yang boleh mengguna bahasa Melayu untuk tujuan ini. Setahu saya tidak ada banyak buku berkenaan tajuk-tajuk ini dalam bahasa Melayu.

Pengajaran sains perubatan menggunakan buku Inggeris walaupun syarahan dibuat dalam bahasa Melayu. Untuk post-graduate studies dalam pelbagai kepakaran perubatan bahasa Inggeris digunakan. Kalau ada pensyarah yang boleh bersyarah dalam bahasa Melayu dalam bidang-bidang pakar ini, mereka akan terdiri daripada yang belajar kepakaran ini dalam bahasa Inggeris.

Mungkin ada yang belajar sains di peringkat rendah dalam bahasa Melayu dan mampu mengikuti syarahan dalam bahasa Inggeris diperingkat ijazah pertama. Tetapi untuk kelulusan yang lebih tinggi penguasaan bahasa Inggeris di perlukan.

Sudah tentu untuk ambil bahagian dalam seminar dan konferens antarabangsa, untuk berhujah, bahasa Inggeris di perlukan.

Saya tidak ingin bangsa saya ketinggalan hanya kerana nasionalisme kita terhad kepada kefasihan bercakap dalam bahasa sendiri. Nasionalisme saya meliputi kejayaan bangsa saya yang setaraf dengan bangsa-bangsa lain di dunia. Jika untuk ini kita terpaksa menguasai bahasa Inggeris dan belajar sains dan matematik dalam bahasa Inggeris, sepertimana orang Arab belajar bahasa Greek untuk mendapat ilmu orang Greek, sepertimana orang Eropah terpaksa belajar bahasa Arab untuk mempelajari ilmu orang Arab pada kurun ke-15 Masihi, saya rela berbuat demikian.

Bagi saya mempelajari Sains dan Matematik dalam bahasa Inggeris tidak berbeza daripada menghantar penuntut kita ke Eropah atau negara-negara Arab untuk menuntut ilmu tertentu dalam bahasa-bahasa mereka. Mereka pergi sebagai orang Melayu dan mereka kembali dengan ilmu yang diperolehi juga sebagai orang Melayu. Mereka tidak menjejaskan ke-Melayuan bangsa. Sebaliknya mereka mempertinggikan maruah dan martabat bangsa.

Do you get it now? Think abstrusely before making judgement, would you, Metro? Pfft.

Who is to blame?

2011-07-20T01:25:00.000+08:00

While the government is trying to nip the chaos caused by Bersih 2.0 in the bud, majority of the citizens sneer at how paranoid and anxious the government is towards their noble intention to clean up the dirt in election – at least that’s what they think.

Arresting innocent people for wearing yellow T-shirts on the day when the sorority held the so-called illegal assembly has somewhat shown a lil bit insensibleness of on-duty polices. I’ve heard of some who are strictly in the opinion of the gathered rebels are to blame and some of those who are on the other hand.

Well, according to my comments posted on some blog posts of other bloggers’ regarding the so-called illegal union, I believe you know which side I used to be on. Yes, used to. I had simply forgotten that I was and as a matter of fact, still am studying in Kedah which is – as you’re well-aware – conquered by PAS. You know how persuasive its leaders and followers are, don’t you?

Sadly to say, they had managed to influence my fickle mind – pfftt.

Never mind, people. I’m all wise now. My dad and brother had brainwashed me right after I got back home for mid-semester break.

Bersih 2.0 followers, you do not want to know what they've said to me, do you? For the sake of keeping the harmony of our country as a whole and my blog, in particular, I’d rather not tell you.

To be true people, I’m posting this one particular post not to discuss about the big issue that has shocked the world but how pathetic most of our minds’ are and no exception to the on-duty polices’, guards’ and whoever involved in arresting people in yellow T-shirt on 9 July – the anniversary of my broken relationship with him which he isn’t even bothered to remember (you do not want to know about this, seriously =.=”).

Well, all I wanted to say starting from early of this post was – accusing the innocent people in yellow T-shirt of supporting the so-called illegal assembly is just the same with the following situation which I tell you, is based on a true story. My true experience.

Early of this year, when I was in Kedah, I had almost succumbed to death. Okay, that’s a lie. No, I hadn’t had succumbed to death but I’d lost lots and lots and lots of blood which had caused me to think that I’d come near to death. That was pretty my assumption. So, I was brought to Sultan Abdul Halim Hospital to check what was wrong with me.

Right after I reached the counter – accompanied by my kind roommate named Afiqah Hassanor – the persons who were in-charge asked me what was wrong with me – which of course I myself didn’t have the answer or I’d have not been there otherwise – with not even a tad bit of sympathy. Damn you, men.

So, this was what happened.

Person in-charge 1 : Kamu sakit apa?
Me : Saya tak rasa sakit di mana-mana bahagian tubuh saya tapi saya tengah berdarah.
Person in-charge 2 : Berdarah di mana?
Me : *turned hesitantly to Afiqah* Di bawah.
Person in-charge 1 : *craned his neck to take a glimpse of my bottom*
Person in-charge 2 : Di bawah mana?
Me : *WTH I’d thought* Saya tengah pendarahan. Darah tak berhenti mengalir keluar dari kemaluan saya.
Person in-charge 1 & 2 : *Looked at each other*
Person in-charge 1 : Sejak bila?
Me : Pagi tadi.
Person in-charge 1 : Berapa pad dah kamu pakai?
Me : Dari pagi tadi sampai la ni, dah empat kali saya tukar.
Person in-charge 2 : Kamu mengandung ke?
Me : Maaf, saya baru 18 tahun.
Person in-charge 1 : *Asked in a raised voice* Kamu mengandung ke?
Me : TAK! Saya tak mengandung!
Person in-charge 1 : Kalau tak, kenapa berdarah?
Me : Manalah saya tahu sebab tu saya datang sini! Nak check apa sebabnya. Nak buat check-up.

The two of them had indirectly accused me of being pregnant out of wedlock. They didn’t have to tell. I know from their facial expression. They had looked at me as though I was the most disgusting girl they had ever met. They went inside and told some of other workers who later looked at me suspiciously and chatted with each other in a very low tone that I couldn't hear a thing they'd said.

Later, I went inside a doctor’s room. The doctor asked me the same question – what my sickness was. After she heard about my blood flowing out unstoppably like a river, she started to say something which was nonsense to me like my sickness was relatable to my had-yet-to-be-known pregnancy, and asked whether or not I had a boyfriend.

Doctor : Awak pelajar mana?
Me : UiTM Kampus Sg. Petani.
Doctor : Berapa umur awak?
Me : 18 tahun beberapa bulan.
Doctor : Hmmm … awak ada boyfriend tak?
Me : *staggered*
Doctor : Haaa! Adalah tu!
Me : No, I don’t! Saya tak ada boyrfriend.
Doctor : Kita ambil darah kamu dulu untuk buat ujian mengandung.
Me : Whaaaaaaat?
Doctor : Ya. Kita ambil darah sikit saja. Kamu pergi ke bilik belakang. Nanti aka nada nurse ambil darah kamu.
Me : Tapi saya tak mengandung!
Doctor : Jangan risau. Kita cuma uji darah kamu saja.

Consequently ...

Doctor : Jadi keputusannya ialah … *chuckled cutely*
Me : *furrowed my eyebrows*
Doctor : Kamu tidak mengandung! *laughed* Kamu takut ya?
Me : I knew it.
Doctor : Betul ni tiada boyrfriend?
Me : Betul! Sumpah!
Doctor : Okey. Apa-apa pun, take precaution ya?

Hence, who’s to blame for having such prejudice like that, huh? Why wouldn’t they be sympathetic instead of judgmental as though they were psychics or something? When questioning why they had acted such a way, a part of me told that they were not to blame. My sickness was coincident with the momentous issues at that time which were abortions being illegally held around the world and out-of-wedlock babies being cruelly dumped.

But still, muka punya suci macam wa pun dorang boleh fikir wa mengandung anak luar nikah ke? Hampeh betul.

Isn’t my experience akin to what had happened to those innocent people who were arrested simply for they’d wore yellow T-shirt on that day? No, not the part of being accused but the part of how current issue affects all of us regardless of who we are, what race we are, and what our stand is and etc.

"Can you see what I see? We live in a societal country. Because of a number of rebels, other innocents are likely to be affected as well. Do you know why?"
Because we are one.

The relevance of banning jeans

2011-06-22T10:45:00.002+08:00

Well, it seems that UiTM is gonna hit a snag in no time, man! Students are no longer allowed to wear jeans to classes starting this coming June 26. The backlash – aha, I bet you readers can imagine it.

“Why do they create this fucking policy?”
“Are we guys gonna wear slacks everyday?”
“This is a fuck-you, man! Why are jeans being banned?”
“The staffs would do the laundry for us, wouldn't they?”
“This is bullshit! What have jeans got to with our studies?”
“They think by ordering us to wear slacks can straighten us up?”

Has any of these reactions come across your mind when imagining the backlash?

I tell you what, one of the above reactions was mine. It is you to guess which one. Although this newly-created policy has no big impact on me because I am the type of girls who wear baju kurung to classes every day except on Thursday when I have only a class. I’m not gonna waste my 15 minutes ironing a baju kurung and my energy doing the hand-wash laundry unless you wanna do the errands for me.

So, yesterday; 16 June 2011 – I went to a class at 8 in the morning. My group mates who consist of Daniel, Shatri and Adzhim, and I sat together at the back, preparing an outline for our first BEL332 assignment which is a forum. Another group from H class was sitting on the table in front of us. Well, I know them but rarely talk to them. Yesterday was my first time having a discussion with them about a momentous issue that hit us recently.

The jeans-being-banned issue.

To tell you the truth, we hardly see the relevance of banning the wearing of jeans. Do you see any? Well, if you do, readers, I’ll be honored if you drop me a comment, telling and clarifying the relevance of banning the wearing of jeans that you see. It’s because I seriously cannot see any other else but to standardize the appearance of the students which was clarified by a member of the group from H class named Amiera.

This institution wants us to look uniformed like we used to formerly in primary and secondary schools, when the boys wore green trousers and white school-shirts whereas the girls wore sky-blue skirt or pinafores with white school-shirts too. My current classmates and course mates, do you still remember how we used to look like back then?

It’s okay if you don’t. Just look at your younger brothers and sisters who are still schooling. It’s gonna make us look like school kids. I thought they wanted us to grow up! What is with the policy then?

Calm down, mates. Don’t rant baselessly. I do agree with most of you who disagree with the new policy. Well, let’s back to the main idea of never pointing our fingers at others before we delve this matter. Just so you know, these policy makers won’t add more and more policies if they didn’t see any drawbacks that they could not handle by means of advising one by one.

They might have seen the delinquency of us which has probably made them miss making new policies. Let them be. One of my group mates who you-are-to-guess suggested that we ignored and pretended as though we had no idea of the newly-created policy. I wondered and still do if it would work. What do you think, readers? Would ignoring and pretending as if we didn’t know about it, work? I don’t know, seriously.

All I have in mind right now is, hadn’t any of us wore slippers to classes, this policy would have not even existed! According to Amiera who is one of the Pre-Law High-Committees, wearing slacks would make all the students wear proper shoes as they ought to. It’s simply because no one wears slippers with slacks!

She’s got the point there! *claps*

However, there’s something obvious that people will bring up, nevertheless. Or I might just be the starter?

Just because of the fucking slippers, we all aren’t allowed to wear jeans? It’s just the same, man! What have slippers got to do with our studies? What, those who wear shoes are more serious in their studies compared with those who wear slippers?

Wearing shoes to classes signifies the manner the students have in them? And wearing slippers shows how immoral the students are? What is the institution trying to show to us? The institution lacks of high-quality lecturers, which is what they should think about! Not messing with students who have more material stuffs to blitz on. Oh gosh! What is happening to the world?

As a matter of fact, if they observe with awareness, they will barely find male-students wear slippers to classes, seriously. The boys even always strut with their expensive shoes kot! It is like if they could, they would want the whole world to know what they had got on. The girls usually wear sandals or sneakers.

This is the result of the policy makers trusting the incredibly annoying guards who have got nothing else to do that they are too free to wreck the students’ lives. My friends’ lives. My life.

In a word, I believe they have the right to make rules and policies, I believe there are some among us who are overly obstinate not to wear slippers to classes – duh, I apologize on behalf of them, I believe uniformity embraces all races together but I cannot accept the banning on the wearing of jeans for I believe that wearing jeans has got nothing to do with our studies or us attending classes or playing truant.

Change is good even though it may be hard, but this one particular change is going to deter the present problem of delinquent teenagers. You’d better be prepared with the coming snags, beloved university!

Turn Over a New Leaf (Updated)

2011-06-11T07:23:00.000+08:00

Third semester started three weeks ago. Before I came back to college, I have made a promise not to be the old me who was a sluggard. I want to be someone who is independent and does not rely too much on my roommate who used to be a 24/7 adviser as if she was a mother of mine for the past two semesters.

I managed to wake up early in the morning without having to be woken up by my roommate in previous semester. But it lasted for merely several weeks. Then I started my habits back. It went on till the second semester ended. During second semester’s break, I felt danged stupid. Really, really stupid.

"Indeed, laziness is one of the reasons why Malays hardly develop."
I do not want to be a typical Malay like other typical Malays who I abhor for how they behave. If I keep on being sluggish, it means I am just like them. Sluggish sluggards.

Thus, I made new resolutions right before I set my foot back in UiTM. No more waking up late even on weekends. No more deliberately escaping from praying five times a day. No more complaining over this and that, including annoying lecturers. No more this, no more that. And some other rules I have made to comply with in my daily life.

Basically, I am turning over a new leaf which means I am starting to behave in a better way. Change is good even though it is not easy. Discipline is demanded to change. I used to lack of discipline. I oversimplified almost everything. Come to think of it, I was actually terrified of accepting changes made by myself or anyone who was close to me. I don’t know why, seriously.

Alhamdulillah, up till now, I have managed to wake up at 6 in the morning. I will take my bath right after I wake up and perform a prayer after that. Then, I spend 15 minutes on Facebook and Formspring before getting prepared to buy breakfast in the dining hall. Oh by the way, I have managed to eschew eating rice for three weeks! A slight change on my body is barely seen but I do feel healthier. My body seems lighter. I thought I would die for not eating rice in a day. What a silly thought, huh? Then I fill my days with attending all classes without playing truant and spending my leisure in the library.

There is another thing I would love to share with my readers. I know some people who hardly accept corrections for they think that is the way they are and I am to accept it. Yes, it is who they are but if they know someone whose behaviors are exemplary, it is not wrong to emulate the person, you know.

For instance, I have a friend who folds her clothes untidily. Clothes untidily folded are like a blot on the landscape. And I have another friend who folds her clothes exceptionally nicely. In fact, everything she touches will turn into something that makes people gaze in awe like walla! So one day, this friend of mine who folds clothes exceptionally nicely wants to help our friend who does not seem to know how to fold clothes. Nonetheless, she refuses to let and says, “It is my way of folding clothes. What has it got to with you? You have your own way, and I have mine. We stick to ours and never bother about others. Okay?”

That is just an example, okay. It has got nothing to with any of my friends. However, the scene is common, isn’t it? It happens everywhere. Some people are just too egoistic to be corrected whereby the correction does not bring any harm to them. The correction will simply make them a better a person if they accept with open heart! Am I right?

It is indeed not wrong to emulate others. It is not wrong to change ourselves as long as the change we intend to make does not lead us to darkness. Changing to a better person does not make us not be ourselves. We are simply developing and moving a step forward.

We are not gonna keep being a bunch of trash, are we?

The Disgraceful 14-year-old lass

2011-06-10T07:10:00.000+08:00

This one little girl who is full of herself (I guess) has put Malaysians in shock with her provocatively controversial and scandalous statement of her no longer being a virgin. I have not visited her blog nor have I given my opinion regarding this stimulating issue. Yet, some people have asked for my opinion regarding the girl and I don’t know whether it’s me who is being so sensitive or whatnot, but I am offended by the way their questions seem to sound.

“Have ever got yourself involved in similar scene like Datin Milano’s?”
“You sure are fine with Datin Milano’s statement?”
Well, let me tell you this. Some might already know that I am a broadminded kind of person who is open to any questions but that doesn’t mean I will embarrass myself! Hell no, people.

I have never got myself involved in any kind of sexual relationship that puts my virginity at stake. Yes, I am embarrassed with some people of the same race with me which is Malay but I am still a Malay and my everyday life is accustomed to Malay’s way of life, which means I am well-aware of the Malays’ acceptance on Malay girls without virginity. Although I kind of disagree with most of the Malays’ thought that girls who have lost their virginity are likely to be immoral, I can never divest myself of being Malay. Can I? It is in my blood.

Am I fine with the girl’s thwarting statement? Compose yourself, people. Condemning and cursing the girl will bring you and her no good, in any way. Why would you do something wasteful? Aren’t you witty? Aren’t you smart? At least smart than the girl? Come to think of it, the statement would not matter if she were a white people or a non-Muslim or a Malaysian. As a matter of fact, losing her virginity would be something to be proud of. Her statement is somewhat true, though. It is true that many Malaysian girls regardless of what race have lost their virginity at a very young age. It was either by means of being raped by inhumane people or the girls’ own willingness.

Guys, the truth is always bitter. So is the past. You can either run from it or learn from it. You choose. I would not say that I am fine with the statement but I think it is her right to say whatever she wants. It is her blog, anyway. She was simply trying to express her view regarding sex, I guess. Unfortunately, she's used incorrect words which has caused her to be misinterpreted by others. You know what, if she were an American, she would win the case.

A French philosopher once said, “I may not agree with what you say but I will defend to the death your right to say it.”

Just because you strongly disagree, guys, doesn’t mean you’re right. If you could choose to advise and lead her to a better life by means of a better way, why would you prefer violence? Accusing, cursing, swearing are violence, for fear that you don’t know.

Well, I thought you guys were not terrorists.

My race (Corrected)

2011-06-05T08:03:00.000+08:00

It seems that Malaysia’s football team has improved its achievements and it's getting better, which I believe is not merely my opinion but an unquestionable fact as it's won the cup that we, the citizens first would love to see Malaysia’s team win but the belief that we could was still at that time in the state of wobbly. We were still unsure whether or not we could make it.

However, the players have opened our eyes and proved to us that they've changed and are no longer big losers.

I am here not to talk about the victory of our team, though. But the improvement made is. Students of Faculty of Law and TESL have been shocked by the rumor that MUET requirement has been increased to ban 5 which by hook or by crook, they have to achieve it in order for them to further their degree in the same course they are in now, later.

The shock later then turned into anger. A group of students was formed to oppose the upsurge of MUET requirement. The backlash was actually predictable and to some extent, saddening. I was overwhelmed to see them insist to stay at the level they have been at for only God knows how long and refuse to develop. They have refused to develop. My race has refused to develop, a fact I could not endure. Who would love to see their own race incessantly being taken too lightly?

It was even more upsetting to hear a student of faculty of Law claiming, “I’m not going to be an English teacher. Why would I learn English that deep?”

Even worse, there was a student who stood up with a statement, “UiTM was originally built to help the Bumiputras. It is considered as betraying the Bumiputras if the MUET requirement is really increased to ban 5.”

Can’t they see that increasing the MUET requirement is akin to trying to put them at the same level as other races that are always developing?

Can't they see that mastering English will lighten up their futures?

Can’t they see how undeveloped we have been all this while?

Increasing MUET requirement would help the Malays particularly, to get out from the ragged box they have been in since ancient times. In addition, we could then see if they're serious with their studies or not. They would have to work harder and their hard work would be paid off with hefty payments in the future.

After all, improving English proficiencies is not that hard. Somewhat, it involves a hobby of majority of the Malays which is watching movies. They only have to revolute from watching Korean or Hindustan movies to English movies with subtitles.

"Taking things lightly is the main reason why the Malays are taken lightly by others."

Refusing to take the risk by facing dicey challenges is the other reason. How pathetic it is that they would rather remain unchanged than face the failures that would take them nearer to a success.

Just so we all know, each failure is a step to a success.

I wonder if my race could develop their pathetic minds into witty ones.

#1 Acid Splashers : Don't You Guys Think So?

2011-05-20T18:55:00.000+08:00

I believe the emergence of acid splashers is a good thing as :

"They stop the teens especially the girls from wandering aimlessly and make them stay at home which they're supposed to, instead. Allah is actually controlling the behaviours of our teens that are getting wilder these days."

What say you?

Said Favourite Boy.

2011-05-11T11:23:00.007+08:00

As I kept changing the story-line of my has-not-been-written-yet novel for I wanted to make it as logical as possible, he left me a message through a best friend of mine:

"Imagination & fiction make up more than three quarters of our lives"

- Mr. S, favourite boy.

Thank you, baby.

A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out - Walter Winchell

2011-04-27T17:40:00.009+08:00

I used to talk about my friends when I was still in high school. Friends really mattered to me back then. I had even thought that they knew me better than my family did. At that time, never had I had in mind that my friends were more curious to know what my problems were than they were to help me whittle down my stress. It was for the sake of gaining some stories to talk about, not for the sake of reducing my tension. I had loved them, once.

Some of my best friends that remain the best to me up till now are Maisarah and Nazwatul. We don’t have to chat every day. We don’t have to mention how immeasurably we love each other every matter of time. We don’t have to declare on Facebook or any other communities that we have been friends for years that our friendship means a lot to us. We just know it that we don’t have to tell.

Damya Hanna once said, “Bila hati sudah berbicara, bibir tidak perlu berkata-kata.”

After studying for two semesters in UiTM, I had met lots and lots of people! Out of hundreds, only several I found trustworthy. And one of them is my roommate, Amalina.

She had walked in when the others walked outClick the picture for a larger view
I can talk limitlessly with her. I can joke around with her without having to mind my words. I am pompous and my words are callous. She never takes my words to heart but to mind instead where she keeps as new vocabularies to be used in her writing assignments. She annoys me with her lackluster comments on my taste of music and guys but that makes me want to be close to her even more.

I annoy her with gibberish talks that do not make sense most of the time but the talks she finds annoying are actually drugs that she is addicted to because she inquires me to blab unstoppably in a phone call she specially makes for the sake of hearing me babbling. She never tells me how fun I am to her but I know I am because I am the one who she talks a lot about when she is with her other friends who will end up knowing how I am without meeting me.

She always threatens me by telling that she will throw my favourite pillow named Baby in no time when she never will actually because she knows I can’t bear losing it and she knows that she herself can’t bear having me by her side on the same single-bed every night and being a replacement to my Baby. She doesn’t mind to hurt me at all when she knows it is for my own sake because I myself do not mind either.

"When we have each other, we never bother about other things or even other people. Having each other is more than enough. We just have to sit on a bench near Koperasi or in the middle of the cracked badminton court with a bunch of snacks and talk randomly limitlessly and get into our room with a big smile drawn on our face, feeling like we just had the best conversation ever and our hassle that bugged our minds had found its end."

That is about my friend who I love the most named Nur Amalina! We have another semester left and we don’t know whether or not we will meet again in the future. But I tell you what, I would not even want to finish my last semester if she did not come back to UiTM next semester!

I love and have missed you, buddy. Get well soon!

Let's start with Basmallah, shall we?

2011-04-08T09:07:00.000+08:00

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.

Assalamualaikum and generally hi to everybody. I was asking myself what I should start with before starting to write this one particular post. I rarely started with greetings back then because I used to be kind of keen to express out either my unutterable happiness or despair. Just so you know, my religious realization is like a drop of water in the ocean. How shameful it is. I guess it is fine to say that I am nobody but just like how ordinary others are, trying to make a change for the better from day to day.

Dear readers and followers,

My urge to write has lost to nowhere can be found. Writing this one post is not easy for me, honestly. I am forcing myself to write further, to provide my readers and followers a reading substance. An educational one, for sure. Even if I failed to write an educational post, I hope my well-written English sentences would make up for it. One of the alternatives to have good English writing skills is, observe and read each of the written sentences in an English article.

Semester break has actually started a month ago, which means I have been on holiday for a monthlong. I have done nothing truly exciting, though. I planned to visit the kindergarten I once worked at but I was dropped a bombshell with the news of the principal’s loss. She had suffered from breast cancer, the first killing disease in the world ever! May she rest in peace. Very motherly and lovable, she indeed was. As a matter of fact, I am still honored to be given a chance by God to work with such an amiable person, even just for a month.

I have been thinking of making a video blog this lately. If you have followed my blog since day one, you would know how long I have wanted to make one. Yet, due to some technical problems such as having no good-quality camera, I had to put it aside. For I already have a camera now, why not I proceed with my procrastinated wish? But I am not going to speak like how Anwar Hadi or Maria Elena does. It is not that I feel like doing it because they both are on the crowning of video blogging world now. I frankly have no intention of following them. Thus, please accept the emergence of me in the area of video blogging openly.

Guys, I am hooked on twitter now. I no longer am active on Facebook. I have been telling people that the mere reason I on my Facebook, is to feed my fishes in Fishville. I guess that is the only game that is remarkable. Hence, if you are interested to follow my twitter, you may click here or the photo below. I have even provided a twitter button in the sidebar. Brace our relationship on twitter, why don't we?

Twitter is exciting, I had no idea.

The most exciting happening ever happened so far is I got replies from BabyTard, an adorable daughter of Shaycarl. Those who have no idea who Shaycarl is, I suggest you to view his channel on Youtube by clicking here and watch his videos. They're all amusing! What makes me so exciting about getting replies from a little girl? It's because I adore her freaking much. Really much.

Not to boast but I just feel like sharing with my readers and followers that I have got a new mobile phone and it is X3. I think it is fine to say that it was a blessing from God my dad could afford a new phone for me, Alhamdulillah. Even up till now, I have been trying hard to get used to the non-common keypads.
Until here, take a good care fellow readers and followers.

Ps ; Today - 8 April is my best friend's 19th birthday named Hilal but I love to call him Meteor. Let's wish him happy birthday, guys. I love him and I love you.

#April Fool : Yes Google, you got me.

2011-04-02T04:02:00.001+08:00

You know what, guys? I knew it that yesterday was April Fools Day. It doesn’t really matter to me if my friends want to celebrate April Fools by jocosely fooling other people, from year to year. It’s pretty up to them.

BUT!

Don’t you ever mess with me. Or you’ll die. I’m dead serious, fella.

Okay, thank god no one did yesterday. Neither did anyone seem to even remember my existence, I guess. So, no one fooled me. No one! Not a single person.

But guess what?

Google did. Yes, Google did!

There was a notice up on top of my inbox saying that Gmail had a new feature which was GmailMotion (BETA). I usually don’t give a shit about such notices but I don’t know why the notice this time seemed really appealing that made me give it a click. And yeah I did.

Right after I clicked on the notice and proceeded with the following “appealing” instructions, Google excitingly said :

OH GOOGLE! IT WAS DAMN FUNNY! HA-HA! -.-“
So, you thought only people could make a fool? In your face! Okay Google, thank you. I felt really foolish indeed that I don’t know where I should hide my face now.

Ugh.

Kenapa aku tidak kisah bergaul dengan perokok

2011-03-21T20:52:00.012+08:00

Rata-rata orang lihat "PEROKOK" sebagai manusia yang kurang disenangi dan ramai melihat perkataan "PEROKOK" itu sendiri secara negatif. Aku berani jamin, jika aku tanya mana-mana perempuan pendapat mereka tentang "PEROKOK", pasti respon mereka begini :

"Perokok? Elakkanlah! Lebih baik cari laki lain buat laki."

Atau yang terlebih ~~manja~~ gedik, "Euuuw! Yuck! I tak sukew laki pewrowkok. Bushuk!"

Aak! Akuw yang pewrewmpuan pun tak sukew kaw.

Kebanyakan kawan perempuan aku memang tak suka laki yang merokok. Seboleh-bolehnya mereka cuba cari laki yang tak merokok. Kalau dalam senarai laki yang minta couple dengan mereka, berhempas-pulas mereka menganalisa senarai tersebut dan meletakkan laki yang merokok di paling bawah dalam carta laki boleh buat pakwe.

Tapi di belah laki pula, kawan-kawan aku tak sedar yang mereka pun dalam senarai "permainan" budak-budak laki tu dan kawan-kawan aku ni pun terletak di paling bawah dalam carta buat bini. Bini dengan makwe lain, tolongsss! Okey, malas nak komen lebih-lebih!

Cuma yang penting, jangan bajet sangat tolong?

Ogos 2010, aku dan sekumpulan rakan sekelan berbuka puasa di Tanjung Dawai. Kemudian kami singgah minum di Kedai Mamak Nashmir. Okey, kami memang begitu. Buka puasa tu lapik perut je. Aak!

Masa tu, kawan-kawan laki aku dengan tabiat biasanya, merokoklah. Tengok mereka merokok, fikiran aku serta-merta teringat si dia bekas kekasih yang pernah tanya dalam penuh kesangsian, "Betul ke awak tak merokok?" hanya kerana aku tidak mengerutkan muka dan menutup hidung ketika aku duduk di sebelahnya yang pada waktu itu sedang merokok.

Ingin saja aku jawab, "Awek kau yang muka gila comel punya suci kau syak merokok?" Bahlul! Tapi sebab cinta yang memekar di hati, aku menjawab dengan sopan lagi bersantun, "Tidak, sayang! Tidak! Sesungguhnya babymu ini tiak menyentuh rokok! Percayalah!"

Okey, tipu. Memang tak la aku nak jawab macam tu, kan? Aku cuma geleng dan ukirkan senyuman diabetics aku pada dia dengan harapan dia akan terus buang rokok kat tangan dia tu dan terus lekapkan bibir merah dia ke bibir aku. Tapi hmm .. hampeh. Tak dilayannya.

Selagi dia hormat aku sebagai seorang perempuan dan tak hembus-hembus asap rokok ke muka aku macam aku ni pelacur RM 10/malam, aku tak kisah kalau dia merokok
Jadi di sini aku nyatakan dua-tiga sebab utama aku tidak kisah bergaul dengan perokok. Jadi kenapa agaknya, ya? Kenapa? Apakah kalian ada idea kenapa? Ingin cuba meneka? Lupakan saja -.-" Macam kau kenal aku siapa.

Sebab-sebabnya adalah ...! (nada seperti mengumumkan calon-calon pemenang Anugerah Bintang Populor)

1) Dari moyang hingga ke bapa merokok.
Arwah moyang dan atok-atok aku, semuanya arwah perokok. Bapa aku juga. Dari kecil sampai ke besar, aku melihat mereka merokok. Tapi di luar rumah. Aku tekankan di sini, DI LUAR RUMAH. Jadi tak perlu nak pandang serong pada moyang atok bapak aku sebab tak sorok-sorok merokok dan menuduh mereka membahayakan kesihatan darah daging mereka sendiri dari kecil. Maka, aku dah lali. Dah biasa dengan bau rokok. Dengan bau badan perokok. Come on, it is not a big deal, dude!

Ps ; Bau badan orang yang merokok rokok Malboro sangat "hot", tiada penafian.

2) Merokok tidak melambangkan jati diri seseorang itu walaupun yang ketara ialah mereka pembazir nombor satu.

Merokok ni tak menjadikan seseorang itu jahat. Mungkin ada! Budak-budak di bangku sekolah yang poyo-poyo nak cuba merokok kononnya merokok menjantankan mereka hingga sanggup merompak duit mak bapak sendiri. Yang itu, pengaruh kawan. Biasalah, mentah lagi kan? Tapi tak semua, okey? Tak semua perokok ni buruk perangainya. Cuba kita jangan streotaipkan orang?

3) Aku faham dengan kesukaran yang dialami perokok-perokok untuk berhenti merokok.

Kalau kau ketagih dengan apa sekali pun, memang susah nak berhenti. Jadi tak perlu nak paksa-paksa pakwe kau ke, bapak kau ke, atau sesiapa untuk berhenti merokok. Nasihat sekali dua, cukup. Depa taknak dengar, pi lantak depa sana!

"Mana boleh! Merokok haram di sisi Islam!"

Bab agama ni, aku tak nak komen lebih. Tapi aku boleh kata situasinya sama dengan orang yang hangat bercinta. Sms dan gayut sampai dua tiga pagi. Dating dekat tasik, overnight depan dan dalam hotel dan sebagainya. Padahal kau tahu semua tu haram sebab buat maksiat. Maksiat mana yang tak best kan? Tapi susah nak berhenti kan? Lagi-lagi melibatkan perasaan sayang yang kononnya tak boleh dihalang kerana ia datang tanpa dipinta. Awww, cweet. Sama juga dengan "PEROKOK". Tahu haram tapi susah.

Nak faham keadaan mereka, imbau perasaan kau orang bila hangat bercinta dulu. Atau mungkin sekarang? Kan?

"Aku nak bersama suami aku sampai akhir hayat aku? Dia mati dulu kang macam mana?"

Dude, kalau laki kau bukan "PEROKOK" pun, dia boleh mati dulu dari kau. Merokok tak menentukan tarikh kematian atau panjang hayat seseorang. Ada orang yang bukan "PEROKOK" tapi mati di usia yang muda akibat jantung berhenti secara tiba-tiba, atau dilanggar lori balak dan sebagainya. Ada orang yang bukan "PEROKOK" tapi hidap penyakit lain, akhirnya mati juga.

Janganlah jadi macam FIRST LADY yang percaya bala yang menimpa mampu dielak kalau langkah-langkah keselamatan diambil. Sangatlah tidak .. ah! Lantaklah.

Hikmahnya "PEROKOK" ni menghidap kanser paru-paru, menanggung kesakitan mampu sedikit sebanyak menebus dosa-dosa kecil mereka yang lalu. Bukankah dosa kita terhapus dengan setiap kesakitan yang kita alami? Mungkin Allah nak beri "PEROKOK" ni pengajaran di samping DIA memaafkan dosa-dosa "PEROKOK" ini akibat tidak mampu berhenti merokok, siapa tahu kan?

TETAPI dengan syarat, "PEROKOK" perlulah insaf, taubat tidak membuatnya lagi dan sabar menanggung musibah seperti hadis di bawah :

“Tiada sesuatu musibah yang berlaku ke atas seorang muslim seperti kecelakaan, penderitaan, kedukaan, kesempitan, kesakitan dan kesedihan melainkan Allah akan menghapuskan segala kesalahan-kesalahannya”. (Muttafaq alaih)

Hanya dengan kesabaran menanggung musibah tersebut Allah akan menghapuskan kesalahan-kesalahan kamu.

Tak, aku tak galakkan laki-laki untuk terus-terusan merokok. Aku pun kalau boleh nak bersuamikan laki yang sihat tubuh badan dan merah paru-parunya dengan cinta dan kasih sayang dia untuk aku. Aak!

Kepada perempuan-perempuan di luar sana, jagalah kata-kata anda apabila memberi pendapat tentang "PEROKOK". Silap hari bulan, kau orang yang tersangkut dengan "PEROKOK", tahniah dan baru padan muka aku ucapkan. Tak salah untuk menasihatkan kenalan terdekat yang merokok untuk berhenti, tetapi jangan mendesak hingga mampu menyinggung perasaan mereka dan membuatkan mereka bosan dengan sikap anda.

Janalah pemikiran optimis kerana sesungguhnya ia sangat membantu dalam maju ke hadapan dan mari hentikan fikiran pesimis.

Nostalgia Zaman Myspace

2011-03-18T00:35:00.008+08:00

Entah kenapa, terbit secara tiba-tiba rasa untuk menjenguk laman sesawang Myspace yang telah berkurun ditinggalkan. Okey, sebetulnya tidak berkurun. Tetapi boleh dikatakan agak lama, sejak sebelum bergelar mahasiswi lagi.

Terlalu banyak pembaharuan yang telah disenggera dan dikemasikini oleh pemilik laman sesawang tersebut. Kalau tidak salah, Tom namanya. Giliran rasa kasihan pula menyelinap hati aku yang satu ni. Rasa kasihan terhadap Tom kerana berusaha keras menarik kembali perhatian pengguna-pengguna Myspace dahulu yang kini telah menjadi pengguna bijak dan tetap Facebook.

Aku harap Tom dan Mark tak berperang.

Satu-persatu bahagian aku lawati. Dari profil sendiri hingga ke bahagian senarai kawan-kawan. Saat aku melawati bahagian senarai kawan itulah aku berasa sebak. Kenangan-kenangan bersama kawan-kawan siber ligat bermain di ruang mata. Terimbas kembali betapa akrabnya kami walaupun tanpa berjumpa di dunia reliati. Keakraban yang diperkukuh dengan balasan komen setiap hari. Bahkan setiap saat dan ketika sewaktu di bangku sekolah dahulu!

Perkenalan yang dimulakan dengan pertanyaan-pertanyaan 'bodoh' yang dirasakan lucu apabila dikenang kembali sekarang seperti,

"Ello! Thanks for adding me! Keep it touch! I'm Eeqa! You?"
"Aha dak mana ni?"

Dan banyak lagi yang tersenarai olehku di sini! Tanpa disedari, aku dan kawan-kawanku saling berkaitan kerana mempunyai kenalan yang sama sehingga membentuk sebuah komuniti besar. Komuniti siber yang besar.

Saling berbalas komen gambar. Masing-masing dulu sibuk menunjukkan bakat mengedit gambar menggunakan Adobe Photoshop. Setelah gambar yang dimuatnaik, maka tertampallah di buletin,

"New picture uploaded!"

Yang ada ego sendiri pula, ayatnya panjang lebih sikit, "New picture uploaded. You may leave comment if you want to."

Aku sendiri agak sombong dahulu kerana enggan komen gambar orang lain melainkan aku rasa gambar seseorang itu jauh lebih baik editannya berbanding editan aku. Di bawah ini adalah antara gambar-gambar yang diedit yang pernah menjadi gambar terhangat di pasaran Myspace. HAHA! Kelakar!

Klik pada gambar untuk lebih besar
Terbuktilah yang bukan aku sahaja sudah beralih ke Facebook dan mengabaikan Myspace, tetapi ramai lagi kawan-kawanku yang beralih ke Facebook secara beransur dan diam-diam hingga terputus hubungan dan agak sukar dijejaki di Facebook memandangkan di Facebook, kita semua lebih matang mengguna nama sendiri. Tidak seperti di Myspace, bermacam-macam bunyi nama panggilan!

"Aku Budak Baik" lah,
"Pa'an"
"Traffic Crewz"

Dan sebagainya! Ini yang buat aku sebak. Sebak betul apabila fikirkan yang di Facebook, ramai tidak menjadi diri sendiri. Jika orang kata di Myspace kita hipokrit, cuba menciota diri yang bukan diri kita dengan cuba menjadi orang lain hingga tercetus plagiriasm dan sebagainya, tetapi di Facebook aku rasakan orang semakin 'bajet'.

"Tak mainlah komen-komen gambar."
"Ah, tak mainlah tegur macam ni kat Facebook : 'Haaiii, ngah wat pe tuuuu? Nak kacau leh?'

Nak ambil gambar ada gaya tersendiri. Gambar yang hanya bertumpu di muka dikatakan "gambar Myspace" yang mana cuba dielak orang ramai kerana enggan dicop "budak Myspace", yang mana akan dianggap ketinggalan.

Kebaikan Myspace dulu ialah, apabila penggunanya bergaduh besar, tidak terlalu umum memandangkan kita kena view bahagian komen seseorang itu untuk melihat komennya, yang kebanyakkannya disembunyi pengguna.

Berbanding dengan Facebook dulu dan sekarang, pergaduhan tidak mampu disembunyikan mana-mana pihak. Terlalu umum. Tetapi still, orang masih nak Facebook juga sebab lebih mudah dan lebih mesra pengguna.

Haih. Sesungguhnya Myspace banyak tinggalkan kenangan berharga bagiku. Melalui Myspace jugalah aku berkenalan dengan dia, si pengarang jantung. Sungguh, aku tidak teringat langsung akan dia. Tetapi sewaktu melihat bagaian gambar aku sendiri, tersentap aku sejenak melihat gambar kami bersama yang diambil pada perjumpaan pertama kami.

Tiada apa yang dikesali. Hubungan yang tercipta antara kami dulu banyak mengajar kami berdua erti kehidupan. Dia dan aku sekarang sudah punya haluan hidup sendiri. Entri-entri tentang dia yang aku tulis sewaktu hangat dilamun cinta dahulu masih wujud lagi dalam blog ini. Pernah juga kawan-kawanku bertanya ; Tidak mahukan aku membuang entri-entri tersebut? Kerana ia akan membahayakan hubungan dia dengan kekasih barunya.

Aku percaya dia dan kekasihnya kenal aku siapa. Aku tak mahu buang sampai bila-bila. Sebab episod hidup dengan dia sangat bermakna. Kalau tiada episod itu, tiadalah aku sekarang.

Kerana komen di Myspace juga kami pernah bergaduh besar. Lagi seperkara yang melucukan hati. Pergaduhan yang menyebabkan aku hampir kehilangan kawan sejati akibat cemburu si dia terhadap kawan baikku. Aku pula dengan lurus bendulnya sanggup berbuat apa saja demi mempertahankan hubungan cinta yang tidak aku sedar kala itu, entah kekal lama entah tidak. Akhirnya, aku kehilangan dua-dua. Mujurlah si sahabat menerima diri ini semula.

Sedar tak sedar, jika aku dan dia masih kerap berhubung hingga kini, hubungan kami hampir menjangkau empat tahun. Empat tahun, beb! Tempoh dua tahun pertama, kami berkawan kemudian berkasih dan sayang, dan kemudiannya putus di tengah jalan. Di tahun ketiga, masing-masing cuba bangun semula dan melangkah ke haluan masing-masing. Hujung tahun ketiga, dia mengikat hubungan pertunangan dengan jodohnya dan aku baru bergelar mahasiswi.

Kami adalah antara cinta monyet Myspace! Siapa sangka? Sungguh ego kami berdua dulu. Tidak mahu bercinta melalui siber konon! Hakikatnya, perasaan sukar dikawal. Lebih-lebih lagi rasa sayang. Ia datang menerpa tanpa kita pinta dan pergi begitu saja bila tiba masanya.

Haih, Myspace, oh myspace.

Ingin aku beritahu di sini. Tidak mustahil untuk sesuatu hubungan siber itu jadi hubungan realiti. Apabila telah temui keserasian, bawalah hubungan itu ke dunia nyata dan kukuhkah dengan menerima diri masing-masing seadanya.

Aku sertakan gambar profil aku yang telah lama tidak aku edit. Mungkin tidak akan diedit lagi. Tetapi gambar baru telah pun aku muatnaik. Rendahkan ego, mari hidupkan semula Myspace. Taklah teruk mana Myspace sekarang pun. Alahai, kau orang ... (:

Profil sendiri - myspace.com/dzeqa07th

Bahagian senarai kawan yang turut telah meninggalkan Myspace

Assalamualaikum 2011, Another Love Story, Apology and New Resolution.

2011-01-24T12:54:00.007+08:00

Assalamualaikum 2011 and to all my readers. I hope it's still not to late for me to wish my readers a happy new year. Sorry for the rare updates -- like you really care, duh. I've not been updating my Khakihaku just because I've been busy, really busy. I wish you guys a happy new year, may this year bring us more luck and happiness. Amin.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Note : This is another English story originally written by me with grammatical errors all over the place. It's my sixth English story and I will be writing more and more. English experts are always welcomed to correct the errors for my betterment. Thank you for reading.

Author : Khaleeqa Idrus
Title : You Never Know

Getting up in the early morning to attend classes is the toughest thing I have been continuously doing with success ever since the second semester got started. It is a new-year resolution of mine that my roommates have been amazed by. Formerly, I would rush to the bathroom and have my bath taken as hurried as I could at this hour. At this particular hour when the birds have just gotten themselves out from the nests, flying hither and thither in the fleecy sky – looking for worms to feed the baby birds that have started to chirp in hunger as anticipated.

There was this one day when I educated myself to always predict the unpredictable things and expect the unexpected things that might have not even for once come across my mind. I was getting myself prepared to class when my heart without warning palpitated uncontrollably. Ignore and keep loading my bag with a number of files and books was what I did but no matter how hard I tried, trembling hands by no means can be void when you are catching your breath.

What was wrong with me? I quizzed myself soundlessly. Would anything bad happen today? Was anything going to happen to family who was miles away that I could never reach them in the blink of an eye? Would my classmates and I be taken aback with a sudden law test?

As sickening question by sickening question banged my head, butterflies that seemed lost started to flutter in my stomach. I became woozier to think of what was actually going to happen that I out of the blue, became terrified of getting out from dorm and making a move to the class. I glanced to the watch and knew, I had no other choice than to start to walk to class or I would be late otherwise.

I felt calmer when I set my foot out of the dorm. Seeing other students waited for their companions chilled the bottom of my heart. There were other people too, lass. The world did not revolve around you, I had thought. The icy I felt didn't seem to last for long as it had melted when this one posh car which didn't only past me by but it had even made a U-turn before it stopped right where I was standing, causing other students who were about to attend their respective classes in the morning to draw their attention on us – me and the posh car, and the posh car’s driver.

I could tell they were asking silently with their eyebrows furrowed, “What the heck is going on here?” through their facial expression. As a matter of fact, neither did I myself know what was going on that time. I felt sorry I could not answer their marvel.

The driver could be barely seen that made me brave enough to raise my right-middle finger up for snatching my breath early in the morning as well as putting me at the center of attention which girls like me never liked and never would. I would bet the public would feel safer if there were a law entitling these breath-snatchers legal sanction such as giving a free ride to the victim who would be me if my case were to be referred – which of course, beyond absurdity.

Who would give a damn about breath being snatched? If there were, it would be me. Merely me.

Letting myself fooled or astounded by the perfection of the posh car, I never would. Thus, I made some steps forward, leaving the undeniably tempting car behind whose driver was probably dead as no movement was detected in there. Did the driver intend to flaunt his posh car or something? If yes, he or she had chosen a wrong person to brag about his posh car to.

Sound of door being slammed hit my ears. I intended not to turn but the voice that sounded very familiar had caused me to. I could not insist not to turn when I believed the voice was speaking to me. The voice was asking me.

I had Goosebumps and heart palpitation once I turned to the owner of the voice.

‘Oh my gosh! It’s him!’ my heart squealed.

All screws on my knee started to loose. My blood circulatory system didn't seem to function properly any longer. There was no blood managed to be pumped to redden my pale face. It was my friend who I just noticed her presence, supported me to stand straight and gain my strength back.

I never knew I was this fragile! What happened to me? Where was the Allie that everyone had been respected for her rare daringness?

“Baby, would you give me at least a chance to explain?” he asked with some steps toward me.

He had called me with that name again! And it caused me to sweat worse than pigs did.

“Would you?”

I was too surprised by his unexpected presence to reply even a word. Speechless, I really was.

‘Girl, come back to your senses? You’re not gonna let this meet-up relentlessly be seen by others, are you?’ I alleviated myself.

I peeked to my friend who had been loyally standing beside me. I knew she had been so because she was demanding an explanation of what was actually happening at the moment. She would not have been so if the happening involved me and other person from the same sex. It was because the happening involved two persons from different sexes that caused her to stay and allege she was my friend.

Gosh, how could I have such thought in me? That was so mean of me!

“Allie?” the voice hit my eardrum again, indirectly brought me back to the reality.

“Huh?” was all I could give as an impulsive response.

“Can we talk for a minute or two?” he seemed sorry for being here unexpectedly that was kind of similar to attacking a seemed-to-be-innocent person like me.

“I am sorry. I’ve got a class to attend,” I replied.

“I’ll give a ride and we can talk in the car,” he paused and seek for my eyes before he added, “I really mean it.”

I felt my hand squeezed. I thought it was my friend who intended to reassure me but out of awareness, it was him who squeezed my hand. I had no idea when he reached it but I could tell even he was anxious. He managed to hide it, though – which never could be done by people with honest faces like me.

And beyond expectation, the squeeze was truly heartening!

“I’m sorry. I – we’ve got to go!” I pulled my hand before grasping a hand of my friend’s and trying to leave him behind again which led to no avail again.

He did not grasp my shoulder but my friend’s instead. She was taken aback but I would bet she was happy to be seized by him even she had no idea what this fella had to do with me and even only on the shoulder.

“Are you Allie’s close friend?” he had asked with his eyebrows raised.

I was shocked to see her nod. She had nodded to the question and she had claimed to be my close friend! I was also shocked to happen to notice that I did not protest her for so which could not be happening! She just came from nowhere and stood by me with a gaze at him and claimed that she was my close friend? Hell no would I admit she was because the fact is, she wasn’t!

‘Why did I keep still? Say something, lass!’

But would I dare to embarrass my just-happened-to-be-close friend whom I could guarantee that I would meet her more than I meet him? Would I?

“You’re not going to give her a ride as well, are you?” I managed to voice my marvel out, finally.

I saw him smile and my new close friend grimace on impulse.

“No, I’m not. I just wanted to ask her to help me tell your lecturer that you would probably be late for five minutes or ten but not more. You can hold me to my words, seriously,” he said with a smile which I could probably say I had been missing since I could remember.

I did not know why I nodded but it was a relief to hear him say that and I saw his smile widen even though he tried to cover it. I was not blind not to see it.

“So pretty lady, could you help me tell her lecturer, err – are you guys classmates?”

She nodded.

“So, could you help me tell your lecturer that Allie would probably be late for five or ten minutes?”

For umpteenth times, she nodded. I never knew I had a soundless friend.

“Thanks, may God bless you.”

We both watched her go before he opened an arm directed to his car, politely inviting me to set myself in his posh car. His car was really posh, you!

“Shall we?” the smile drawn on his face seemed to get wider bit by bit.

I was secretly amused. I hoped that I could keep my face static but as honest as my face had always been, a smile slowly drawn on my lips. I quickly pursed my lips so he would not know I was amused by his smile.

“I’m guessing she isn’t any close to you,” he raised his eyebrows with an eye-catching smile at the end of his lips.

I took at glance at him.

“You should have known. She came from nowhere and suddenly claimed to be my close friend? What was that all about? Nonsense!” I was stunned to know that I could spit it out.

He chuckled while leisurely turning the air-conditioner on.

“I missed you. I’m glad you haven’t changed a bit except you seem to get speechless very easily now and you’re now a bit, err – flabbier.”

I was stunned for like again. It was not because of his comment on my body figure, but his honesty in confessing his true feeling. I had received such comment regarding my flabbiness since day one. I was used to it already.

“Despite me missing you too, how on earth can you be here? This is not UK, this is Sungai Petani, you know? When did you get back? And why are you here?”

“See, I knew this conversation was essential. Okay, let me answer one question at a time.” He paused.

“I just got back here three days ago and right after I got here, I was told lots and lots of stories about you that I couldn’t wait to see you. I’m here because I want to meet my baby that I have missed like hell. Are all your questions answered now?”

I threw my glance to the front just to realize that he was driving at a snail’s pace.

“Could you drive any slower?” I mocked.

Again, he amused me with pleasing chuckles.

“Why are you in this suit?” I asked, looking at him from head to toe.

He was wearing a black collared shirt with a black slack suited with a pair of black shoes that looked really exclusive. Was he a CEO of a company or something?

“Do you think the guard at the gate would allow me to enter if I didn’t wear proper attire?”

I raised my eyebrows.

“You’ve got yourself in this suit just to be allowed to enter here just to see me?”

He grinned.

“Am I that 'somebody' to you?” I asked in disbelief.

“It should have been more obvious that you’re somebody to me that I was willing to travel all the way long just to get here merely to meet you.”

Out of consciousness, I had stared at him for a moment, saying nothing but just gazing. Silent started to draw us apart. I did not know what else to say but I would bet he did. He owed me an explanation, if I was not mistaken.

“Allie, I know you’ve been so mad because I went to UK without telling you and neither did I write you any letter," he said as if he just scanned my mind.

Okay, that was terrifying!

"I know you had resigned from being a member of our society because you’ve been mad and no one was there to reassure you. I tell you what, there wasn’t any second you were off my mind. You were stuck as if I had you imprisoned in there.

If I have disappointed you, I truly am sorry. I left without notice because honestly, I was hurt when you said I wouldn’t have felt jealous if I did not let the feeling grow in me. I was a bit mad because you refused to accept the idea that the growth was inexorable. It was out of my control, Allie. Then, I thought you wouldn’t care if I just left so I went away on my birthday, when you refused to wish me after the despicable fight of us. Only three days ago I happened to find out that you had actually baked three birthday cakes for the past three years with my name written on them and kept them up till now in your refrigerator. I don’t know what the ingredients were but they have not got rotten even a bit, really,” he paused, letting me to drown with my thoughts.

Speaking of resigning from the dancing society he just talked about, I had lost all the dancing skills and movements. With my body getting chubbier, making some thrilling dance moves would for sure be difficult. It was three years back when I was still in high-school, I had joined the society to kill my ample time.

I did not mean that I had clean-forgot about him but I had had so many assignments I did not manage to spare him a thought. It was my bad, I admitted.

“I wasn’t mad,” I interjected before he continued.

“You weren’t?”

I shook my head.

“I’ve been loaded with tons of tasks. I didn’t manage to spare you a thought,” I admitted.

He nodded and did not seem as delighted as he was just now.

“I apologize profusely for leaving you. I should have waited a bit longer till both of us had calmed down. I suppose we both were too young that time to think that way. It’s not that I think we’re now matured enough but we are at least grown-ups now, aren’t we? But I hope, I do really hope that I’m not too late to cherish our relationship and win your heart back because I love you, Allie. I really do,” he sounded so regretful in the first place but I could see a ray of lights in his eyes which was filled with hopes.

I did not know if accepting his presence back in my life would be right. But if it was wrong, I wouldn’t want to be right.

“I’ve been really muddled-up, trying to blend in with the new environment. At first, I wished you were here but this is the reality I have to face. I’m going to face the world, alone. No matter how many loved ones I have, I still have to face it by myself. I had a good start, though. As time goes by, your face had slightly faded away from my mind then, I honestly admit that. Nonetheless – I don’t mean to flatter you by the way – but I had only you back then. Only you – and my mind was filled and heavy enough that I could not endure any more loads. You filled every inch of my brain and heart that no more space left for others. Your name was like transparently written all over my body. It was only you I thought of," I made a clean breast.

"However, I knew I had a long way of journey to go. I couldn’t simply rely on your love which I hesitated would last forever even though you kept telling me that it would. I even thought it had lasted since you just went away without any notice left for me. And now, you yourself are still trying to stabilize your financial even though you don’t have to because your wealthy background and I just started my study here which I have no idea I would stuck or not later. For sure, I hope not but life always goes against the plan. I plan to finish my studies successfully but anyhow, God always has better plans for us. I am afraid my plan isn’t good enough.

Thus, I started a new life with a belief there was nothing else missing. I held that belief tightly till you showed up and I saw you just now, and the belief vanished right away. I never knew I missed you so much that I did not want to say a word but to have your arms around me when I saw you.

I don’t care nor do I want to care about what happened between us three years ago. All I know now you won’t let me go away from you anymore because I’ll make sure I am eternally attached to you and have no chance to even escape a step from you.

I know I haven’t told you this but I’m going to tell you know that I love you immeasurably. The speechless state I was in when I first saw you just now showed so, didn’t it? I am sorry too for …”

“Shhh …,” he cut in.

“Say no more word or I’ll kiss you straight away because that’s how I feel right now,” he narrowed his gorgeous eyes and shut me up.

I did not know what else I should say.

“I better send you off to class now. Otherwise, we might end up at Tok Kadi’s office,” he said with no sense of humor which it was supposed to have but instead, he had said it seriously as if he really meant what he said. Did he?

When we reached the class, he did not unlock the door. Instead, he threw himself back to the couch, leaning groggily backward and I could tell he was under duress as if there was something in his mind.

“Fakhriez?”

His opened his eyes and set himself properly before he faced me.

“I don’t mean any harm but would you let me hug you only for this time because I couldn’t be more grateful that God has given us another cha…”

I pulled the collar of his black shirt and hugged him close to me, very snugly that I did not want him to go anywhere anymore – before he managed to finish his words.

He was dazed a bit before warmly returned the hug, pulled my waist closer to him and laid countless kisses on my shoulders and neck. I believed he won’t cross the line. He put both of his bare hands on my cheeks and heartwarmingly kissed my eyes.

“I’m sorry for taking your love lightly back then. I’m sorry I was …,” I did not manage to finish my words when he silent me by putting his lips on mine with no tongue slipping. It was just lips-touching. His lips were warm, just as warm as his love.

He then leaned his forehead against mine, letting the point of our nose to touch each other. He had said over and over again that he loved me till his phone rang, signaling a message received and which had abstractedly crashed the sweet moment that was just about to assemble, into pieces.

Gently, he set me free and the hassle I saw in him just now disappeared to nowhere could be found. I smiled gleefully.

“Off you go now. I’ll see you after your class and we’ll discuss our future after that. God might have a better plan for us but we can pray for the better of this relationship, can’t we?”

Being surprised by unpredictable and unexpected happenings had taught me not to be afraid of making decisions beyond prediction and expectation. People might have thought that I would not hook up with him, for him has left me but you never know what future actually would reward you. If you don’t take the risk, you would never move forward in exploring the mysterious world that is way more complicated than it may sound.

I was actually 30 minutes late when I entered the class but it was another blessing from God that the lecturer herself could not make it because of a sudden meeting which meant the class was cancelled and I did not miss any class.

Even more, I had spare time to be with him and draw our future together before turning the drawing into reality in no time.

Spontaneous things always lead to exciting expeditions and outcomes, don’t they?

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

For those who have been asking what my new-years resolutions are, I would name the resolutions here but I will elucidate the reason I resolute so in next post, InsyaALLAH.

1) I don't want to be pious but I want to pray five times a day.
2) I want to post an English story every month, at least.

That's all! if Take a good care, guys.

Sex In The City

2010-12-31T15:02:00.000+08:00

“Don’t you feel ashamed for being

widely open about sex?”

“Isn’t it embarrassing to

confess that you watch porn?”

“Don’t you mind about what other think

of you talking about sex in public?”

“Is sex that entertaining to you?”

“How many boys have you shagged?”

“Are you still virgin?”

“Can I fuck you?”

“How bushy is your vagina?”

I tell you what people, I have been asked by many about sex at formspring. Some of common questions ever asked are the ones stated above. Those cowards have been spamming me with such questions ever since I confessed to a boy that I had like him once and he had then told me that I did not make the cut to be his girlfriend or even net-friend.

I thought his friends were professional enough that they did not take my silly confession into account. I am afraid that I am that interesting that they feel so curious about me and want to try me in bed. Seriously guys, I have no idea that I am fucking interesting.

Anyhow, I would like to make a clean breast here, in this post about my personal opinion regarding sex. In general, I would love to see Malaysia providing the kids sex education in the future. Yes, I have heard the rumors that seven-years-old kids would be taught about sex and etc, meaning that sex education would be listed under their core subjects.

Plus, I am well-aware that majority of Malaysians are against that decision because they think that seven years old kids are way too young to be taught about sex. About too young to be taught, I agree. But I do not agree that sex education should not be taught in school at all, nevertheless.

I do not know if I am wrong but I believe, the main reason why there are countless unwanted babies in Malaysia is "the teenagers and the adults are sexually uneducated". They were not taught in schools about the protections and risks they would suffer later if they had unsafe sex. They were not explored to the sexual world which is highly horny and educative to some extent. And after they found out about it, they became eager to try without knowing the risks and precaution they ought to take to prevent from suffering the risks.

I know that by providing the kids sex education would not solve the baby dumping issues. Instead, unsafe sex between unmarried couples would grow bigger although the number of unwanted babies produced might decrease. The fact that Malaysians have to accept is to solve a major problem like this, "we have to solve one by one at one time". Reduce the number of unwanted babies produced first, and we can think together of how to stop unmarried couples, the Muslim ones especially from making out next.

I will answer each questions stated above with a hope that I would not be spammed with the same boring and answered questions after this.

“Don’t you feel ashamed for being widely open about sex, Khaleeqa?”
I honestly and certainly don’t. I have my own belief that sex is educative and the most effective way to strengthen a marriage. I do not get it why I should be ashamed of being open about it. Come on guys. Are you still in the medieval mind once owned by the elders in olden times? We’re going to enter a new decade tomorrow, already. Wake up.

“ Isn't it embarrassing to confess that you watch porn?”
It is more embarrassing to confess that you have made out with your ex-boyfriend who has left you. Watching porn to intentionally learn for the sake of your future is good and indeed cool. It is so embarrassing to ask your husband-wannabe, “What do I do with your penis?” when he hands you his I-hope-it-is-yummy penis for you to blow.

“Don’t you mind about what other think of you talking about sex in public?”
I first did mind and I was scared that people would isolate me for being knowledgeable in sex. However, as time always does at every matter of minutes which is run, I now do not mind at all. Everybody has their own perspective, right? I just hope that my race will be open to discuss it in more matured way in the future. I tell you what, it is more embarrassing when men talk about how horny they were last night to their friends at kedai mamak or kedai kopi with a kopiah on their head. Seriously.

“Is sex that entertaining to you?”
Yes, indeed. Sex is the fun that you can have without laughing. It is a quote of a European’s whose name I already forgot. In addition, if you are a health-freak, you will know how good it is to regularly have sex with your partner . And of course, duh – safe sex.

“How many boys have you shagged?”
Even though I am not a pious Muslim, I do know that making out before getting married is forbidden in Islam. So, I have shagged none. Yes, I know there are Muslims who have shagged countless of people from the opposite and as well the same sex. I believe they know what they have done or been doing, so let’s hope that Allah will shed them some lights on how to go back to the correct path. Why would you worry? It’s their sin, not yours. Reminding them to stop is more than enough which is part of your responsibility as a Muslim.

“Are you still virgin?”
Do you know that those girls who have not shagged any guys can also lose their virginity by accident? I have not studied yet what the symptoms of losing virginity are apart from bloods coming out from vagina. Therefore, I do not know if I still am a virgin or I have lost my virginity without me realizing it. However, I believe that Allah loves me and if no one trusts me in this world, Allah does anyway. Allah knows every single truth about me. So why would I worry?

“Can I fuck you?”
I am sexually choosy. I believe your penis is dirty as you have shagged too many whores. Thus, I do not feel like wanting to be fucked by you. Unless you are entirely ‘clean’, outside and inside. This type of persons, who are clean, inside and outside, would know what they ought to do before they fuck me. I do not have to tell them. So, nah, I am sorry. "Dirty penises are meant to fuck whores only".

“How bushy is your vagina?”
Don’t tell me that you are a typical Malay-boy who loves bushy vaginas. In fact, you don’t have to tell me because I know you are.

I really have no idea how to bring my race out of the box they are trapped in. I really have no idea why my race is not supportive. I really have no idea why my race doesn’t want to develop. I really have no idea why they passionately love to look down on those who intend to improve their English language. What is so irritating about English language? Why does my race hate the language? Why can’t my race see what the English language rewards them if they master it? Why can’t my race accept the importance of English language?

I know that one of the reasons I am spammed with such questions is some of my readers are not satisfied with the language I use. They find it boring and annoying. And of course, the other reason is they cannot fuck a person who seems to be so into sex who they believe must be interesting because she’s mastered it.

Right? I know right.

Sayonara 2010

2010-12-31T02:14:00.001+08:00

In the blink of an eye, we all will be celebrating the New Year in three days to come, meaning that 2010 is about to reach its end. Whether or not we are willing to set 2010 free, we have to no matter what. As oblivious as it may seem, time does fly without enabling us to stop it even for a second. It keeps moving forward unlike some of us who hanker to stay in their past, unwilling to let the bygones be bygones.

I am not that malicious to revile people in each post. As a matter of fact, I have tried my best not to be callous but I would rather describe myself as daring in speaking her mind than mean for not caring how many people have cried over my coldhearted words. This is the reality. The reality has never been sweet. It has been bitter and scarcely chosen to be swallowed since olden times just like how naked the truths always are that people feel embarrassed to reveal and witness them.

There are a few things I have done throughout this whole year and there are loads of things I wish they happened and I had them done into the bargain, but I did not manage to. I believe I still have a long way to go on my journey and I can achieve things I wish I could achieve this year but did not manage to, along the way.

Hereby I list down things I have done and did not manage to have them done.

Things I have done:

1. I’ve got my first salary being a teacher in a kindergarten.

2. I’ve proved to other races that my English proficiency has improved by being given a chance to teach the pupils English subject in the kindergarten.

3. I’ve cleaned up my home and taken care of the hygiene along the period before I entered UiTM.

4. I’ve given my parents ¼ of my first salary.

5. I’ve learned not to disobey what parents have decided for me because they were the ones who raised me up so they know what is best for me.

6. I’ve stopped spamming my ex and accepted the fact that he is not meant to be mine.

7. I’ve been away from my family and indirectly learned to be independent.

8. I’ve hugged my dad and kissed him on the cheeks.

9. I’ve entered a debate club in UiTM.

10. I’ve joined a debate competition and been qualified to semi-final.

11. I’ve been a treasurer of my class for 2 terms, juggling the thing I hate the most which is money.

12. I’ve gone out with my classmates to break our fast together at Tanjung Dawai.

13. I’ve been counseled by my best friend.

14. I’ve told the lecturers what I expect from them.

15. I’ve got A’s for law subjects that I first refused to learn.

16. I’ve maintained the grade for English subjects since primary school to university.

17. I’ve been to Stadium Putra Bukit Jalil for the first time to watch football game.

18. I’ve had a couple of favourite seniors : Senior Helmi & Kak Nabilah ♥.

19. I’ve been waking up early since day one of second semester.

20. I’ve read English novels for readers aged 17 and above.

Things I did not manage to have them done:

1. Decode the ideas that I have abstractly in my mind into a book.

2. Stop watching porn websites.

3. Have my short stories published in The Star.

4. Submit an article to be published in News Straits Times.

5. Convince my BEL lecturers that my English proficiency has improved.

6. Encourage my father to find another job.

7. Finish up my English short story entitle “Mother Tongue, please?”

8. Buy new handbag to replace my ragged handbag.

9. Buy new baju kurung to be worn to classes.

10. Save money for the sake of my future.

Despite the things I’ve done and I did not manage to have them done, I never dream to starve myself, though. I know that obesity can cause me to die fast but I believe when the time has really and truly arrived, I will give a thought about it. But for the jiffy, I would rather eat as much as I please because I have my study to blitz on and I understand my body so well that I will easily lose my focus every time my stomach is empty.

I’ll be posting special New-Year greetings for chosen persons that have lightened up my days in 2010 in next post. Let’s pray that we will be rewarded long-lasting happiness next year.

Laki Semalam

2010-12-28T12:34:00.003+08:00

Saat aku melangkah ke arah kaunter pertanyaan Bank Islam di Shah Alam tadi, aku dapat merasakan diriku sedang diperhatikan. Lantas mataku melilau ke serata ruang legar bank.

Cis, mamat semalam!

Kelihatan dia turut terkejut melihatku. Bezanya, reaksi terkejutnya jelas di rupanya yang fine-kacak-lah-kan-hak-ala dan aku berlagak tenang. Itulah bezanya.

(Mengenang peristiwa semalam)

Aku dan laki itu telah bertemu semalam di Jabatan Pendaftaran Negeri di Shah Alam (juga). Suaratan atau kebetulan, hadirnya kami ke situ dengan tujuan yang sama ; membuat kad pengenalan baru. Secara suratan atau kebetulan lagi, kami naik lif yang sama.

Dan dengan uhuk-comel-lah-sangat, kaki dia yang berkasut Timberland memijak kakiku yang sekadar berselipar. Hak ala, nak pergi buat IC pun nak pakai lawa-lawa. Nak ambil gambar pun gambar muka je. Desis ku dalam hati.

Aku enggan memandangnya terus-terusan. Tidak seperti dia yang memerhatikan aku sedari aku mengambil nombor giliran dan bertanya itu ini di kaunter pertanyaan Jabatan Pendaftaran Negeri. Fine, nak tahu sangatkan, ya aku buat IC baru sebab dompet aku kena curi masa tengok bola kat Stadium Bukit Jalil hari Ahad lepas dan habis IC serta kad ATM aku hilang. Takpayahlah pandang sebegitu sekali.

Selesai urusan di sana, aku pulang ke rumah dan tidak sedikit pun perihal laki itu melekat di ingatanku.

(Kembali ke realiti)

Aku diminta isi dua helai borang untuk mendapat kad ATM baru. Maka aku isi tanpa banyak soal dan kepilkan borang tersebut dengan salinan kad pengenalan. Tatkala aku menoleh ke tepi untuk memandang ayahku, mataku berlaga dengan anak matanya yang duduk di belakang searah dengan ayahku.

Dia memandangku kosong. Tak sangsi lagi, dompetnya turut dicuri di malam yang sama dan di tempat yang sama, Stadium Putra Bukit Jalil. Mustahil laki setua dia tidak punya akaun bank dan baru nak buat kad pengenalan.

Kata laki berkot hitam kemas di kaunter pertanyaann, aku boleh pulang setelah mengisi borang-borang tersebut. Aku dan ayah pun menuju ke kereta. Apabila aku sudah meloloskan diri ke dalam perut kereta Volvo-pinjam, ayahku suruh aku masuk semula ke dalam untuk meng'block' kad ATM lama kerana khuatir habis duit-duit aku dikeluarkan pencuri yang telah disumpah jadi katak oleh aku semalam.

"Encik, kad ATM saya dah kena curi. Bagaimana saya nak elakkan kad ATM saya daripada disalahguna oleh pencuri yang bangang tu ya?" tanyaku penuh sopan-lah-sangat-kan.

"Oh. Adik pergi ke dalam sana, terus ke kaunter dan beritahu yang adik nak block kad."

"Tak perlu ambil nombor giliran?" tanya ku dalam ketidakpercayaan.

"Tak perlu. Terus saja ke mana-mana kaunter ya?"

Aku mengangguk dan berlalu bahagian kaunter yang agak penuh diisi umat manusia. Aku ternampak sebuah kaunter kosong. Tanpa berlengah sesaat dua, aku menuju ke kaunter tersebut. Laluan aku ke kaunter itu menyebabkan aku perlu melalui berbaris-baris kerusi.

Dan suratan atau kebetulan lagi kan, hak ala kan, laki semalam tu turut bangun dari duduknya dan kami berlaga buat kesekian kalinya.

Tanpa bersuara lagi bersapa, masing-masing menjungkit kening. Fine! Tak ada yang nak mengalah cakap sorry kan, kami pun ke kaunter yang dituju.

Suratan atau kebetulan, kaunter yang kami tuju sebelah-menyebelah. Laluan kami bersilang. Sampai di kaunter, dia menoleh ke arahku. Dan aku pun memandangnya.

"Ya, dik? Nombor berapa?" aku ditanya oleh pekerja di kaunter.

"Oh. Ha! Tak ada nombor. Saya nak block kad ATM lama saya."

"Nak block? Bagi IC jap."

"IC? Masalahnya IC saya pun kena curi. Jadi saya tak ada IC nak bagi."

"Oh. Kalau macam tu, adik tulis nombor IC adik kat sini," kata pekerja itu lalu menyerahkan aku secebis kertas yang dikoyak entah dari mana.

Selesai urusan aku, aku beralih ke kaunter. Suratan atau kebetulan yang ke-berapa kali, urusannya selesai di masa yang sama menyebabkan kami bertembung di pintu masuk lagi.

Aku memperlahankan langkahku supaya jarak aku dan dia besar lah sikit, kan? Di pintu, dia menoleh ke belakang. Mata kami bertembung lagi. Kali ini kening aku berkerut.

Amende kau ni? Gerutu aku dalam hati.

Dia terus menghala ke arah ATM dan aku berjalan keluar. Namun sempat mataku menangkap, dia menoleh ke arahku sebelum kami membawa haluan masing-masing. Aiseh! Macam babak Gossip Girl lah pulak. Tapi orang-orang tua cakap, kalau nak blah tu, kalau boleh toleh untuk kali terakhir. Sebab mungkin terjadi, kita tak akan bersua lagi.

Tapi yang pasti, kami sama-sama penyokong Malaysia dan aku pasti wallet dia kena curi Ahad haritu sebab tu dia buat kad pengenalan dan ATM baru sama dengan aku!

See, sukan mampu menyatukan rakyat Malaysia. Adik-adik sekolah menengah, boleh ambil kisah ni untuk karangan tajuk Kelebihan Sukan.

It's as annoying as that

2010-12-22T14:50:00.005+08:00

Dealing with things that always get our nerves on is certainly not easy. But as a matter of fact, we have to even though we don’t want to. Things like that are annoying. I mean, really annoying. It causes us to easily blurt the F word out, doesn’t it?

The simplest example I can give at the moment is dealing with people who are obsessed to be slim. I would not mind if they confessed to me about how eager they were to be slim – I believe the main reason is to look beautiful – but the thing now is, they do not just confess it to me but they keep bringing it over and over again but do nothing to make their dream come true.

What the F is that?
I think you have chosen the wrong person to share you keenness to be as skinny as Kate Moss with. If you talk to me about it to gain symbolic praises like, “Nah, you ain’t as fat as you think, arse!” (to be true, it isn’t a compliment as well because calling you arse shows how irritated I am with your damn eagerness), then you’ve made the worst decision ever.

Talking to me about wanting to be skinny? Are you daft or something? Hello, me, Khaleeqa bt Idrus is not bothered to be slim for the sake of being attention-grabbing or whatnot. I eat what I desire – but I have to cut down my zest in eating my favourite for the jiffy because of financial drawback, I drink blithely and importantly, I am not bothered with the amount of weight I gain every month or week or even day.

I believe my principle doesn’t bother you but it makes you happy instead because you’ve said before that you love seeing me eating with gusto. However, it doesn’t mean your enthusiasm to be skinny is innocuous. It is harmful because it causes me to be mad but it is not persuasive because I believe (I don’t just think but I strongly believe) I am central and I am not bothered to follow annoying things.

Do you get it?

You don’t have to cover up your main reason to be slim with seriously-sounds-fake excuse, “I want to be healthier,” whereby the fact is, you are terrified of losing the attention you’ve slightly gained since you’ve been thinner than before.

Alhamdulillah, I am happy with how I look now. I am healthy despite the incurable sinus I have suffered almost my entire life.

Hey, even skinny people have got sinus! So what?

Yang Sebenarnya (Tiada Kena-Mengena Dengan Yuna)

2010-12-07T00:13:00.001+08:00

Sebenarnya,

Aku tak pernah fikir pasal benda lain dalam kelas. Aku tak pernah fikir pasal 'favourite boy'. Aku tak pernah fikir pasal budak-budak laki kelas aku yang gila-dan-bengong-tapi-kacak. Aku tak pernah fikir pasal kenapa orang takut dengan aku.

Aku cuma fikir macam mana aku nak hidup dengan RM5 seminggu. Aku cuma fikir selama mana aku perlu ikat perut. Aku cuma fikir selama mana aku hanya boleh ambil bau makanan tanpa memakannya. Aku cuma terfikir bila aku boleh rasa minuman manis di dewan makan. Aku cuma fikir bila aku dapat rasa air bandung kegemaran aku di 'food court' lagi. Aku cuma fikir bila aku dapat join kawan-kawan aku makan di 'food court' setiap kali selepas kelas. Aku cuma terfikir bila aku boleh makan nasi berlauk lebih dari satu.

TAPI,

Aku tahu aku sepatutnya bersyukur sebab dapat makan nasi sekurang-kurangnya tiga hari sekali. Aku patut bersyukur sebab tanpa minum air bandung kegemaranku di 'food court' dan minuman-minuman manis di dewan makan, aku dapat kurangkan kandungan gula dalam badanku. Aku patut bersyukur sebab tanpa makan makanan tapi sekadar mengambil bau saja, aku dapat kurangkan berat badanku. Aku patut bersyukur sebab tanpa join kawan-kawan aku makan di 'food court' selepas kuliah, aku ada masa lebih untuk diri sendiri di bilik dan masa lebih untuk menelaah. Aku patut bersyukur sebab sekurang-kurangnya aku masih bertenaga tanpa makanan sedap-sedap. Aku patut bersyukur!

DAN,

Walaupun masalah kewangan aku dan keluarga di semester dua ini sempit sampai aku hilang fokus di dalam kelas memikirkan makanan apa yang berharga RM 1 tapi mengenyangkan untuk sehari suntuk,

Aku tetap suka kehidupan aku di UiTM Merbok. Aku tetap bersemangat menghadiri setiap kelas. Aku tetap sayang kawan-kawan aku yang gila-dan-bengong-tapi-kacak. Aku tetap suka semester 2!

Sebab aku dah banyak cakap dengan budak-budak laki kelas aku yang suka pandang aku macam aku ini raksasa yang sedang ingin memburu dorang.

Serta yang penting,

Aku dah banyak cakap dengan Amir Hakim (Kimi), laki beraut keturunan Cina ~~Celup~~ yang tak habis-habis suruh aku tulis pasal dia di blog aku.

Tapi,

Aku tulis ini bukan sebab diminta oleh dia apatah lagi dipaksa. Aku tulis dengan hati gembira kerana aku mula rasa kehadiran aku di kelas dirasai oleh budak-budak kelas aku terutama Kimi, arjuna yang aku tak mampu sembunyikan senyuman dan tawaku setiap kali mendengar dan melihat dia berbicara.

"Ya Allah, hanya satu pintaku, terus-terusanlah kurniakan aku kesabaran dan ketabahan yang tinggi dalam menjalani kehidupan dari sehari ke sehari dengan dibelengu masalah yang mencabar keimanan dan ketakwaanku. Amin ya rabbal alamin."

Ps; KIMI, :tayang sepuluh jari sambil jungkit kening:

Menjana kriteria seorang penulis blog yang disenangi

2010-12-04T09:43:00.003+08:00

Aku bukan seorang penulis blog yang hebat, apatah lagi yang terkenal. Tidak perlu dipertikaikan lagi. Lihat saja bilangan lawatan yang aku terima. Dalam seminggu, tidak sampai tiga-empat orang. Maka apabila aku dipuji melambung-lambung oleh beberapa kenalan, aku berasa tidak layak untuk menerima pujian-pujian sedemikian. Walau apapun, terima kasih.

Sedikit sebanyak pujian yang agak tidak berasas kalian tersebut merangsang aku untuk terus menulis dan mengemaskini blog yang serba kekurangan ini. Tipulah jika aku kata hatiku tidak tercuit oleh kerunduman bilangan pelawat yang aku terima. Tetapi, aku pujuk hatiku dengan tekad untuk menulis dengan niat yang tetap dan nan satu, memastikan kebolehan aku dalam menulis sama ada penulisan Bahasa Melayu mahupun Bahasa Inggeris tidak semakin lemah.

Sebab aku dan penulisan tidak boleh dipisahkan. Ia bagaikan sudah sebati dalam darahku tanpa dapat ditapis dengan menggunakan apa jua alat biarpun alat itu ialah alat tercanggih seorang manusia pernah cipta di muka bumi ini. Tolong jangan lupa tiada yang lebih canggih daripada ciptaan DIA.

Dalam entri kali ini, aku ingin kongsikan beberapa panduan menjadi seorang penulis yang disenangi mengikut pendapat dan pengalaman selama aku menjadi seorang penulis blog. Dalam tempoh dua tahun, telah banyak blog yang aku lawati. Ada yang aku lawati dan tinggalkan kata-kata semangat untuk terus menulis walaupun secara jujurnya aku tidak tertarik langsung dengan entri-entri yang pernah ditulis mereka.

Sesungguhnya, setiap penulis tidak boleh lari daripada memerlukan sokongan moral daripada mereka yang lain yang turut punya bakat dan minat dalam bidang yang sama.

Dan ada juga yang aku lawati dan jatuh hati serta-merta dengan gaya penulisan mereka. Lantas blog-blog mereka aku senaraikan di bahagian kanan ruangan blog aku bagi mengelakkan diri aku daripada ketinggalan dengan pembaharuan mereka.

Oleh itu, jika panduan yang akan aku kongsikan di bawah nanti tidak mencukupi dan masih samar-samar, bolehlah kau orang jenguk blog-blog yang aku gemari tersebut kerana tanpa pengetahuan mereka sendiri, merekalah perangsang utama dan idola aku dalam penulisan.

1) Penampilan blog

Pemilihan layout sebenarnya turut memainkan peranan walaupun terdapat segelintir penulis blog professional yang mengambil mudah terhadap kriteria ini. Blog yang terlalu gelap akan menyukarkan pembacaan si pembaca. Blog yang terlalu terang juga sama. Jadi, bijakkan diri dalam memilih warna latar blog. Tidak salah untuk menghias blog kelihatan agak kegadisan ataupun kelakian (girly or rock) tapi pastikan HTML untuk setiap alat tambahan (additional gadget) tidak terlalu berat kerana ia akan menyukarkan pelawat melayari blog kalian.

2) Muzik

Jika ditanya pendapat aku, memang aku tidak galakkan kalian meletak lagu di blog kerana ia merupakan sesuatu yang bersikap menganggu. Sudah menjadi kebiasaan kita, kita akan memasang lagu sambil melayari laman web. Dan apabila lagu entah dari mana datangnya muncul, bukankah ia sesuatu yang annoying? Tetapi, jika teringin juga untuk letak lagu dan merasakan blog kalian terlalu kosong tanpanya, maka letaklah mengikut citarasa kalian tetapi jangan sembunyikan alat (gadget) tersebut supaya pembaca boleh hentikan lagu tersebut jika mereka mahu.

3) Susun atur teks

Elakkan memilih “center” atau pun “left” kerana ia membuatkan teks kelihatan tidak kemas.

4) Saiz tulisan
Elakkan penggunaan saiz tulisan yang terlampau besar mahupun kecil. Ia bukan sahaja membuat pembaca berasa menyampah tetapi ia menunjukkan penulis blog tersebut buta seni. Buta yang terlalu buta. Even simple text is considered as an art.

5) Pengisian entri

Seboleh-bolehnya, mampatkan setiap entri dengan sesuatu yang boleh diteladani pembaca serta selitkan unsur-unsur hiburan yang mampu mencalitkan senyuman di bibir pembaca. Jadi, bagaimana hendak timbulkan kedua-dua unsur tersebut dalam penulisan? Tulis tulus dari hati. Sesuatu yang lahir dari hati mudah hinggap di tangkai hati pembaca. Jangan perah otak untuk menulis jika kebuntuan idea dan jangan berlengah-lengah untuk menulis apabila dikurniakan ilham tiba-tiba.

6) Hiasan entri
Penyertaan gambar yang saling berkaitan dengan entri akan memudahkan lagi pengisian entri tersebut untuk ‘sampai’ ke pembaca. Bagi yang rasa dirinya lebih kepada keislaman, elakkan meletak gambar yang menunjukkan aurat seseorang sebab dosa kalian bertambah setiap kali pembaca melihat gambar tersebut. Bagi yang ‘agak-agak’ tidak peduli dengan dosa dan pahala, jangan pula ambil kesempatan meletak gambar yang melampau-lampau hanya kerana kalian berfikiran telanjang (terbuka).

7) Penekanan isi

Untuk menekankan mana-mana baris ayat atau frasa dalam teks, tebal (bold) dan italickan mereka. Jika berhasrat menjadi penulis yang teliti, tebalkan perkataan sinkof seperti “kat”, “dorang”, “kteorang” dan sebagainya. Manakala bagi perkataan Bahasa Inggeris, ia memadai jika di’italic’kan saja daripada meletak simbol pembuka dan penutup kata bagi setiap perkataan dan frasa Inggeris.

8) Penggunaan Bahasa
Aku tidak suka bahasa rojak, secara jujurnya. Walaupun ada segelintir rakyat Malaysia yang dengan bangganya mengaku bahasa rojak ialah identiti rakyat Malaysia, tetapi aku rasa ia bukan sesuatu yang membanggakan tetapi sebaliknya memalukan. Gunakan Bahasa Melayu secara menyeluruh jika anda terfikir untuk berbahasa Melayu dalam menulis entri tersebut dan gunakan Bahasa Inggeris sebaliknya jika anda terfikir untuk berbahasa Inggeris dalam entri tersebut. Memang tak salah untuk guna bahasa rojak, tapi gunakannya hanya jika anda betul-betul tidak tahu sesuatu perkataan itu dalam bahasa yang anda guna pada asalnya.

Tun Dr. Mahathir pernah tulis di blog beliau, "I think in Malay when I want to speak and write in Malay and I think in English when I want to write and speak in English."

9) Ayat carut dan lucah
Aku tahu ada yang rasa hebat apabila mencarut dan berlucah dalam berbahasa. Aku pun pernah rasa sebegitu dulu dan sekali-sekala. Tapi untuk mencarut dan berlucah dalam penulisan bukanlah sesuatu yang bijak, ya kalian. Apa kata guna bahasa simbolik kerana bahasa simbolik secara tidak langsung ialah sesuatu yang merangsangkan (minda dan juga batin, sila fikir sendiri bahagimana ia berlaku) dan menghiburkan hati yang aku percaya, mampu mencetuskan tawa di bibir pembaca. Jika tidak suka membelok ke sana sini, dan lebih gemarkan sesuatu yang terang lagi nyata, pastikan ia tidak melampau.

10) Niat
Untuk permulaan, abaikan bilangan komen dan pengikut yang diterima. Aku tahu ia sesuatu yang mampu menjatuhkan semangat dan buat si penulis tertanya-tanya, ‘Apa yang kurang blog aku ni dan apa lebihnya blog dia tu? Aku punya lagi okey kot!’, ‘Apa ke hainya tak bertambah-tambah follower aku ni?’ Yang penting weh, jangan buat blog macam Myspace, pusat mengumpul kawan. Sejak azali lagi, blog diwujudkan untuk seseorang itu berkarya dan membuat kenalan yang punya minat yang sama. Jangan lawat blog orang dan tinggalkan pesanan, “I’ve followed you so follow me back.” That is indeed so bullshit! Bila niat mempunyai sebuah blog itu dah salah, sebab tu mudah lemah semangat apabila bilangan pengikut dan komen tidak bertambah.

Aku rasa tersebutlah panduan yang aku mampu kongsikan buat masa ni. Akan aku kongsikan lagi dari semasa ke semasa. Teruskan menulis dan semoga maju jaya! :D

Ps ; Edy Nuar & Yusoff, write as you please and the number of comments you receive should be the least of your worries.

Unavoidable Sensation II

2010-11-28T12:43:00.001+08:00

Wonderingly I peeked to the gazebo. It was empty. My classmates I saw sitting in it before I went to the toilet had gone, probably into the class we were waiting to be opened. When I came to think of meeting with the same lecturer who taught me last semester, I got a bit excited. I was sure I would not be detained for coming in late. All I had in my mind before entering the class was I wanted to head to my seat after greeting the teacher without having a peek to anybody’s face who would be smirking at me.

I stopped right in front of the door and breathed in deeply. The voice I was already acquainted with whacked my eardrum. I did not know what I was waiting for but my feet seemed glued to the floor. Hardly moved them, I seriously was.

“What have you got for your results, guys?” I heard the lecturer asking the class.

Without waiting any longer, I opened the door. As I expected, everybody stared at me. I grinned on impulse. It was reassuring to see the lecturer returned the smile. I wanted to greet her out loud but my voice seemed stuck in my throat. Even after I harrumphed, it was indeed very hard. It was even harder when I saw where my bag I asked a very best friend of mine to hold while I went to the toilet was located.

‘Oh gosh, my seat was right in front of him! What am I going to do?’ my heart screeched in disbelief. By no means could I let it out. The whole class would be dumbfounded to know who I had been secretly in love with. Ugh!

Each step I took was incredibly heavy causing me to move at a very slow pace. I felt like turning away back to the door and running to anywhere my feet could take me to but not to this place, not to this class. The breeze the air-conditioner blew did not seem to work at all. My body was sweating all over the place! Just like how pigs sweated. I’d bet even pigs did not sweat like I did.

“Good morning, my dear,” the lecturer said with a sweet smile.

But I did not think the lovability of the smile could whittle down the bitter I was feeling deep down inside me.

“Good morning,” I replied.

Oh my god! My voice was squeaky! Luckily the whole class did not think so. I could tell that for they did not laugh though I heard some uncertain buzzes coming from nowhere.

“She always comes with a sweet smile!” a compliment blurted out from someone’s mouth which I doubted was sincere.

How could my smile look sweet if I could not think of doing anything other than running away from going to my seat which was seriously in front of him? I was not some kind of angel who would look sweet no matter what. Was he going to face my back for the entire class?

This was indeed very sense-racking! I breathed in for umpteenth times. I saw my very best friend that had helped me to hold my bag and place it at a very right place smiling at me. The boy sitting behind her was also smiling. What were they up to? What was up with the smile?

The moment I reached the seat, I promised not to look at the face of the one’s who I thought might also be looking at me just like how the others were doing.

After laying my bottom on the chair, I felt my heart throbbed strangely fast. I could not even sit properly! I could not even lean my back to the chair! I got more troubled every time I got closer to him. Was this man a kind of alien with strange auras that nowhere could be found in this Earth?

I heard the boy sitting behind my best friend calling my name. I turned around and smiled at him. He commented on my figure which he thought was not as big as I’d ever told him at Facebook. My favourite boy was smiling at me but I was afraid to look into his eyes and return the smile. I wished I had the guts to do so. We both might be more satisfied otherwise.

Not to boast or whatnot, but I was sure that both guys sitting behind me and my best friend were talking about me. I heard them mentioning my name for more than twice but I did not know what it was all about. I felt like asking but just so you know, I had already turned into a statue after I sat on the chair. It was a magic my favorite boy owned – turning me into a statue. Alive but idle statue.

I have no idea when this feeling will last but I hope it won’t. It is important as it soothes me each time irritating things get my nerves on.

I love it and I love my favorite boy.

Fourth English Story : Unavoidable sensation

2010-11-25T09:43:00.000+08:00

At a snail's pace, I opened my heavy eyelids. The air felt so fresh making me feel so clean on the early morning when the sun had not set yet. Grateful, I really was for being given another chance to see the world for another day and hopefully, days afterward. Seeing such beautiful world for a day was never enough and never would. It would take the entire life to feel satisfied, I’d bet.

A Korean song entitled What I Should Do abruptly rang. My heart felt like being struck by a thunder. It was shocking, indeed! Afraid of the noise would disturb the others, who were still slumbering, I swiftly turned off the alarmed clock.

It had been that way since day one. Day one of the second semester. The roommates could see the idle Khaleeqa no more. There was no more Khaleeqa who used to wake up late. There was no more Khaleeqa who used to be yelled at to wake her up. There was no more Khaleeqa who used to get her roommates’ nerves on every time it was the time to wake her up.

I wondered if they missed their old Khaleeqa.

Thinking of the classes that I would attend for the day made me feel intrigued and excited into the bargain. The classes were not the combined ones which meant there would be no strangers. Instead, I would be seeing merely my classmates. It was indeed the time that I had been waiting since I could remember. Combined classes were never cool and effective for learning.

Suddenly his name came across my mind. Had he awoken by now? Was he waiting for me like me waiting for him every matter of time? I did not want to know the answers. Some things were just meant to be left unsaid and unanswered. Why would I wreck my fresh day with hurting answers for silly questions?

The time I reached in front of a still-locked class, he whom I meant was not there yet. I refused not to put high hopes on seeing him coming today. Based on the experience in the previous semester, I was always hurt with putting such hopes. I did not mean he was disappointing. I just believed that he had his own reasons for skipping classes on the days I’d hoped to see him.

I leaned my back to the wall facing the entrance of Court Yard – a block of classes. The sun was indeed very scorching. I could feel my heart started to boil slowly. I was afraid the blistering sun was not the reason why. My heart seemed to palpitate abnormally. Was I getting mad because of the hot sun or something? I pat my chest several times – such a silly way to soothe.

Out of the blue, my eyes caught a lad wearing black with red inner walking toward a bulk of guys who were undoubtedly my dearest classmates. For umpteenth times, I saw his hand stroke his front hair causing it to shape like the crowning of Everest. It was gorgeous and eye-catching, though. Even if he did not draw his hair that way, it was not hard to recognize him. Even if he was surrounded by thousands of typical people of the same gender and normalcy, it still was not hard to spot him. In fact, he was the one you were going to see first in the crowd.

I felt chilly in the bottom of my heart. The iciness slowly conquered the whole heart of mine. Seeing him smiling the way he was doing that time was so heart-warming. I’d bet it could melt each girl’s heart in this world. Only God knew how I wished I was the reason why he smiled that enjoyably each day of his life time. Only God knew how I wished he would smile like that to me!

The fresh air I felt right after I woke up that morning and along the way to the class as well as before the attention-grabbing boy showed himself up, lost to nowhere to be found. I tried to grasp it but it led to no avail. On the spur of the moment, tear filled the eyes just like the rain filled the hole of cracked road. The world seemed to be idle for a moment when our eyes were locked and each thing, be it living thing of non-living one stopped moving all of a sudden. The ones alive were only me and him.

The moment he caught me staring at him, I was breathless.

Everything was back to normal as fast as his smile cooled my boiling heart down. The moment was indeed sense-racking. I thought I would turn away the moment he caught me staring at him, but I never knew he could turn me into a statue even for awhile.

My favorite guy was so miraculous!

Desiring him was not the reason I answered ‘yes’ when I was asked by a lecturer of ours whether or not he was efficient when he held the responsibility of juggling a school of people before, though. Annotating the word ‘very’ with poise afterward was also not caused by the feeling of adoring him. It came from the bottom of my heart, no doubt.

Liking him the way I did and still do is more than enough. I do not need to be his. I do not need a declared relationship. I do not need to be liked in return by him. All I need is everybody to shut their mouth up and let me secretly keep this feeling till only-God-knows when and perhaps till the end of the world.

* * * * * * * * * * *

“Who was your previous leader?”
“The oddest one you see in this class, miss.”
“Him? Wow. Was he efficient?”
“Yes.”

A long, meaningful pause.
“Very," I added.
“Very?”
A small yet meaningful smile drawn on both faces, the student’s and lecturer’s.

Guess where I am now

2010-11-23T15:40:00.001+08:00

I am in a library! At UiTM Merbok, of course. The previous class which was MTC038 ended early. So here I am now in this library, blogging pleasantly. Let me update you guys what I have been up too ever since I got back to Merbok.

1) Changed to a new person
I am not kidding. I’ve changed! Even my roommates are kind of shocked. My favourite roommate, Amalina said yesterday morning, “So this is the new Khaleeqa, huh? A girl who wakes early in the morning, and is way more organized. You’re different!” I am tired of being the lame Khaleeqa. Being independent and disciplined is sometimes uplifting.

2) Got a new class representative
Last semester’s class representative was Yazid Mustaqim. The tallest student in UiTM Merbok. However, for this new semester, my class PL2I is represented by Muhammad Daniel. I believe it will do good to both of us, the rest of class and Daniel himself. I’m liking it and I certainly have no problem to devote my commitment to the class.

3) Remain as the treasurer.
I need to juggle a thing that I hate the most which is MONEY! I never like money and never will. However, they all believe in me so I will just give it a go! Being the treasurer makes me more disciplined, after all.

4) Loving and annoyed with the lecturers
I’ve been to all classes of each subject. Some lecturers are very inspiring and some are just so irritating. I love my lecturers for MTC037 and BEL260. To make it clear, I love strict teachers.

Conclusively, this second semester is going to be harder than the first. I am trying to build high-patience in me. I’ll update you guys again later. See ya!

Have a nice day.

Leaving

2010-11-20T07:42:00.003+08:00

In a blink of an eye, the time to go back to the place where I accrue knowledge as much as I can has finally come. I have been waiting this time since day one. Day one of my six-weeks semester break. I know it sounds like I am not happy at all staying at home but I do not mean like that.

I just cannot stay at a place without having to think of and blitz on something as well as having something to accomplish. I love going here and there, meeting and interacting with a lot of people and also having my work checked, marked and corrected. That is how I nurture my mind.

I wish I could bring my mother to Merbok too. I want to take her away from the mess she has been in since I can remember. Seeing her being hurt mentally by the one she once had faith in to shield her, hurts me fundamentally.

I am not going to update this blog as often I always do. Besides cracking down on my study for the second semester, I am in charge of organizing an event for my long family. As one of my cousins said the other day, “Make it happen!” By hook or by crook, I will make sure it happens!

I have resolutions for this second semester. Just so you know, we do not only make resolutions on twelve-monthly New-Year celebration. I determine to clean up my room once a week for the sake of hygiene and be cooler to the classmates and group mates into the bargain.

I am leaving today at 10.30 am by bus. I have accepted the fact that I am not as fortunate as my friends who are sent back to UiTM by posh cars. I am not bothered by that matter anymore. After all, I get to experience travelling alone, independently.

Lots of love,
Khaleeqa Idrus.

Ps ; Goodbye, Klang! And Asslamualaikum Merbok ♥

"Kakak ni gemuklah. Pastu pendek pulak tu!" - Adik lelaki tersayang, Amzar.

2010-11-13T17:31:00.003+08:00

"Lantak kaulah, Zar. Kau dah besar nanti, tahulah kau yang orang tak pandang fizikal. Orang pandang hati dan personaliti."

Merbok, can you hear me?

2010-11-12T22:03:00.004+08:00

Do let me know if it's not working. It must have something to do with my privacy setting in facebook.

‎[Before you play this video, make sure you turn the volume of your speaker to the loudest. Otherwise, you can hear nothing.]

It looks like I'm making fun of the song in this video but the message I intend to deliver, I really mean it. Indeed, I love my buddies in Merbok especially Amalina and Afiqah, who have stayed by my side through ups and downs along the first semester there. And for sure, my classmates ain't forgotten.

As I always say buddies, loving you guys is like breathing. By no means can I stop. Lots of love - Khaleeqa.

Ps; Caring people, you don't have to ask where my scarf is. I thought of doing it spontaneously after seeing the webcam software on my desktop. So, I just gave it a go.

Luahan Hati Sekejap ; Bagaimana duit elaun aku habis.

2010-11-11T09:16:00.002+08:00

Ya, semua budak asasi dan matrikulasi dapat elaun. Untuk semester pertama, akan dapat RM 1700 sebab Mara tambah RM 500. Biasiswa asas kami terima hanya RM 1200.

Walau bagaimana pun, aku tak seperti orang lain. Aku hanya dapat RM 1200 sebab lagi RM 500 tu sudah ditolak untuk duit yuran memandangkan aku tak mampu nak bayar secara tunai duit yuran aku tu.

Aku dapat duit tu lambat sebab aku budak second-intake, ditambah lagi, permohonan biasiswa aku tu tak lengkap. Jadi ditunda, ditunda, ditunda sampai lah nak dekat tiga bulan aku belajar baru dapat.

Aku cakap awal-awal, keluarga aku tak kaya. Gaji mak bapak aku tak cecah RM 1000. Aku pula dikurniakan sikap yang tak suka buat mak bapak aku tension walaupun aku selalu buat jugak. Aku pantang betul telefon mak bapak aku sebab nak duit.

Melainkan mak aku yang telefon dan tanya. Kalau tak terdesak, aku bohong sunat cakap semua cukup. Padahal dah keliling pinggang hutang aku buat. Kalau terdesak, aku cakap aku cuma perlu RM 30, padahal aku perlukan RM 130. Banyak buku aku tak beli.

Pasal buku tu, aku tak kisah sangat. Aku tak kisah kena herdik dengan lecturer sebab fotostat buku secara haram. Aku makan berikat, apa lecturer tu tahu?

Sepanjang sebelum aku dapat elaun, macam aku cakap, hutang aku keliling pinggang. Hutang makan, minum, buku (macam aku cakap, fotostat punya) dan tiket pengangkutan balik untuk cuti sem.

Nasib aku baik sebab dapat kawan yang tak berkira. Aku cakap aku nak bayar, dorang cakap tak payah. Bagi mengurangkan rasa bersalah aku, aku bayar juga. Aku tak tahu berapa jumlahnya. Tapi aku bayar RM 100 kat kawan baik aku, Pika namanya manjanya.

Jadi, tinggal RM 1100. Kemudian RM 100 aku bayar kat rakan sekelas aku yang tolong belikan aku tiket keretapi untuk balik raya. Itu pun setiap hari aku tayang muka seposen, minta tangguhkan dulu pembayaran sampai dapat elaun.

Nasib baik dia tak kisah.

Sepanjang satu semester, cuma sekali aku telefon mak aku mintak duit walaupun aku sebenarnya tak nak buat macam tu. Lagi sedih dan luluh hati aku ni bila dapat tahu mak aku pula pinjam duit elaun abang aku sebab nak bagi aku makan kat Merbok.

Aku dapat tahu je kes tu dari adik aku (dia yang bagi tahu sebab dia suruh aku ingat-ingat bila berbelanja keluar dengan kawan kawan), sumpah aku tak nak cakap ngan mak aku lagi aku tak cukup duit.

Jadi duit aku tinggal RM 1000. Sebelum aku dapat elaun dulu, aku memang dah pasang niat untuk bagi mak RM 200 bila dah dapat elaun, untuk dia buat belanja. Lantak dia nak belanja rumah ke, nak belanja untuk diri dia. Kalau nak belanja rumah, pun bagus jugak sebab rumah kami dah kosong. Lagi-lagi tang dapur.

Aku bagi juga sebab bila dah niat kena buat, masa jumpa time cuti raya. Jadi tinggal RM 800. Aku memang tak pasang niat nak bagi bapak aku, tapi kesian pulakkan aku tengok bapak aku. Rasa bersalah lak jadi berat sebelah. Walaupun kite memang kena sentiasa beratkan sebelah mak.

Akhirnya aku tak bagi.

Sebab aku ada plan baru. Aku keluarkan RM 200, beli kan pakaian baru untuk beraya. Dan lima tahun kami tak shopping raya. Aku belikan adik-adik aku baju ikut suka mereka. Aku belikan mak aku satu baju, dan bapak aku satu kemeja. Aku tak belikan abang aku sebab aku tahu dia boleh beli sendiri.

Tapi aku juga belikan dia makanan kat The Store bawa balik. Aku spent RM 10 untuk makanan abang aku.

Aku bajet keluar RM 200 untuk semua tu, tapi aku keluarkan lagi RM 50 untuk tambahan. Tambang bas pergi balik tu masuk dalam RM 50.

Maka tinggal RM 550. Aku pulang ke Merbok dengan jumlah wang tu. Sampai Merbok, aku keluarkan RM 150 buat belanja.

Aku tekad tak nak pinjam kawan lagi. Tak nak hutang-hutang. Kang aku mati tengah jalan, tak sempat bayar hutang, tak ke naya?

Tinggal RM 400. Aku tekad nak simpan RM 400 buat simpanan memandangkan aku tak pernah ada simpanan. Dulu ada lah, tapi habis bagi mak bapak aku, cukupkan perbelanjaan untuk pembiayaan keluarga kita orang.

Aku guna RM 100 dari RM 400 tu untuk hiburkan diri aku. Adik aku cakap aku tak layak untuk berhibur sebab duit aku masuk ke UITM pun duit pinjam orang. Aku sedih.

Tapi aku degil. Aku guna juga RM 100, keluar jumpa kawan yang aku rindu gila nak mati. RM 100 tu termasuk duit tambang pergi balik naik bas, duit wayang, duit makan minum.

Tinggal RM 300. Sekali bapak aku alami kecelakaan. Mak aku kehabisan duit. Bayar duit rumah, bil elektrik, bil air, cukai itu, cukai ini, makan minum sekeluarga. Bil elektrik dah lama tunggak. Tinggal masa kena potong. Untuk kali ke berapa hanya Allah Yang Maha Besar je tahu. Lantak kau situ.

Aku benci bapak aku sebab tak berduit. Tapi aku sayang bapak aku sebab dia sayang aku, dia besarkan aku. Aku tak boleh tengok orang yang sayangkan aku dan aku sayang derita. Aku sumbang duit. Tinggal RM 119.

Aku tekad tak nak guna. Aku nak simpan! Aku nak simpan!

Tapi kawan sekolah aku yang belajar kat matriks balik cuti. Lepas ni tak boleh selalu jumpa sebab waktu cuti tak sama. Tempat belajar lagi lah tak sama. Banyak kat selatan. Aku kat utara.

Rindu ni. Keluar jugak RM 50.

Bila balik rumah, ada baki RM 30.

Pendaftaran course dah boleh buat. Kena bagi peringatan kat budak-budak kelas. Aku gunakan RM 10 daripada baki tu beli top-up.

Tinggal RM 20 dalam dompet.

Tak nak guna! Tak nak guna!

Tapi pagi tadi mak mintak pinjam RM 10 untuk beli sarapan adik-beradik. Aku tengok abang aku tidur. Adik-adik aku tidur. Tengok atas meja makan, kosong. Dorang bangun sekejap lagi. Mesti lapar.

Fine! Nah RM 10.

Tinggal RM 10 saja.

Ya Allah, aku nak simpan buat belanja balik Merbok nanti. Izinkanlah aku. Izinkanlah.

Sekali baba masuk bilik. Mintak pinjam RM 10 nak isi minyak motor nak pergi kerja. Kerja menunggu pelanggan komputer yang tak muncul-muncul. Habis minyak motor pergi balik macam tu je.

Tapi mana tahu kali ni ada rezeki?

Baiklah, ambiklah ba RM 10 ni. Ambiklah. Semoga baba pulang dengan rezeki untuk perbelanjaan kita sekeluarga.

Aku tak nak sentuh lagi duit dalam bank. Biarlah sikit, aku tak nak sentuh.

Kalau diminta juga, biarlah aku tanggung dosa membohong.

Tak terasa pun nikmat dapat duit elaun macam orang lain.

Tak apalah. Harap-harap bermanfaat perbuatan aku ni.

Aku benci duit.

Ya Allah.

I tell you what lasses; I’d rather be your boyfriend’s friend than his.

2010-11-11T08:41:00.003+08:00

It happens always, guys. It happens too often. The girlfriends of my male-friends’ accusing me for flirting with their boyfriends. If you really know me, you guys sure know that I don’t give a fuck about that. However, when my male-friends happen to eschew me for the sake of comforting their girlfriends and come back to me after breaking up with the stupid lasses, I know what our middle fingers are for.

Just a dumpy reminder.

Being a friend to your boyfriend is cooler than be their girlfriend. Do you know why, lasses? It’s because your boyfriends are wholly naked when they are with me as they share their secrets including about how bushy your pussy is and how brown your tits are. Guys usually find it tricky to confess almost everything to his girlfriend.

Creating secrets?
Yeah it’s between a sweet couple like you and him.

Sharing secrets?
It’s on the other hand between true friends, like me and your boyfriend.

So, don’t blame us for being so close. If you don’t want to see us getting closer and closer each day, then stop creating things for him to talk about.

Sempena Musim Putus Cinta

2010-11-10T02:28:00.000+08:00

Kawan-kawan yang rata-ratanya sebaya dengan aku sedang dilandai badai percintaan. Bukan badai asmara yang penuh nikmat ya. Tapi badai percintaan yang mencabar keimanan dan kesabaran mereka.

Aku tahu aku tidak boleh mengharap mereka menjadi seperti aku. Perempuan yang agak-agak tidak berperasaan. Kena marah ke, kena maki ke, kena tinggal ke, sama sahaja. Bahagia senantiasa. Sebab itu mak aku selalu kata aku tak pernah berpijak di bumi nyata. Katanya semedang saja berawangan di alam fantasi.

Aku cuba menjadi seorang yang memahami. Sebab sesungguhnya aku faham sangat dengan situasi yang dialami mereka kala ini. Situasi yang melibatkan hati dan perasaan. Situasi yang memerlukan mereka bermain dengan emosi.

Yang pasti, situasi itu tidak indah sama sekali.

Ada antara mereka yang bertanya padaku, bagaimanakah aku melupakan bekas teman lelaki aku? Aku sebenarnya tak lupa pun pada Khairul Helmi. Ah, aku spesifikasikan bekas teman lelaki aku kepada Khairul Helmi memandangkan kehadiran dia dalam hidup aku dulu memberi impak yang teramat besar dan mendalam. Dua bekas aku yang lain tu, tak ada benda aku nak cakap tentang mereka.

Sebab kami sekarang BFF ; best friends forever.

Situasi yang dialami kawan-kawan aku ialah si lelaki tidak lagi mahu meneruskan hubungan mereka. Pendek kata, si lelaki tu tak nak mereka lagi. Samalah seperti yang aku alami dulu bila 'dia' tak nak aku lagi kan? Habis madu sepah dibuang. Pfft.

Tapi semasa hubungan aku dengan dia dilanda ombak tsunami, aku dah redha. Aku dah redha untuk menamatkan riwayat aku di dunia kami berdua. Sebab tu bila dia minta putus tu, aku tak melalak, terpekik terlolong atau histeria bagai. Aku cuma tersenyum dan ketawa kecil sebab aku dah jangka.

Dia pun bijak juga sebab buat perangai beberapa bulan sebelum kami putus. Dia cuba memberitahu aku yang dia dalam proses membuang aku dalam hidup dia secara tidak langsung sebab dia tidak mesej, tidak telefon dan tidak langsung menegur aku di Facebook padahal kami online pada waktu yang sama.

Jadi, bila dah dilayan sebegitu, aku pun buat-buat fahamlah. Pada hari kami menamatkan hubungan kami secara rasminya di Facebook dan mesej, aku agak seram sejuk jugalah. Adalah juga rasa hiba sebab kena putuskan hubungan dengan dia yang aku pernah sayang bagai nak rak. Apa ingat aku ni patung bernyawa, tak berperasaan? Aku pun manusia juga, weh.

Cuma masa tu aku rasa bosan mengharap bulan jatuh ke riba. Aku tahu dia takkan kembali macam dulu. Kemudian, aku sedar yang aku baru 17 tahun masa tu. Muda dan comel lagi. Jauh lagi perjalanan hidup aku. Takkan aku nak bersedih dan berduka sepanjang hidup aku sebab cinta monyet kan? Tak rasa bodoh ke?

Aku harap sangat kawan-kawan aku boleh terima hakikat yang hubungan percintaan mereka akan putus juga. Bercintalah separuh mati ke mati-mati ke, memang akan tetap on off on off juga sebab kita muda lagi beb! Serius, muda lagi kot! Kalau bercinta pun, bukannya kau orang nak kahwin dalam masa terdekat ni. Jadi bawa bertenang dulu bleh? Hak ala haih.

Berkawan dulu dengan beribu-ribu manusia. Have fun dulu. Enjoy dulu dunia kampus. Belajar kasi habis dulu. Korang bukannya tahu kot-kot jodoh korang jurutera kapal kat masa depan nanti. Bercinta dengan peguam, kahwin dengan cikgu. Macam aku. Suka Hugh Dancy, tapi nak tidur dengan Matt Long. Bawa bertenang tolong?

Haih. Kembali kepada kisah aku dengan Khairul Helmi. Aku bersyukurlah sebab dapat dia, orang yang berakal panjang. Walaupun berjaya buat aku bengang, tapi dia pandai. Ya lah, dia jauh lagi tua dari aku kan? Lagi tua dari abang aku kot! Jadi, dia tahu apa yang patut dia buat untuk bantu mengatasi masalah yang aku akan hadapi selepas dia putuskan hubungan kami.

Dia pun dengan bijaknya delete aku di Facebook. Eh, serius. Perbuatan dia tu bijak. Aku tak perli ke apa. Jadi, aku tak boleh lihat perkembangan. Dia tak nak terus-terus sakitkan hati perempuan comel yang pernah dia sayangi sekejap dulu dengan keselambaan dia terhadap kejadian yang baru berlaku antara aku dengan dia, iaitu, cinta yang terputus.

Sepanjang aku cuba menelan hakikat yang agak masam-masam manis tapi lebih kepada tawar dan pahit sebenarnya, aku telah memberi Khairul Helmi segunung pahala secara tidak langsung. Cara aku buang dia dari hidup aku agak-agak kotor. Asal aku teringat dia saja, aku akan kata, "Bangang punya Khairul Helmi." Dia dapat satu pahala. Kalau geram sangat, terkeluar juga perkataan ~~babi~~ tu dan nama dia takkan ketinggalan. Dia dapat lagi pahala tapi berganda kot sebab ~~babi~~ kan lebih kasar dari bangang. Aku rasalah.

Jadi, kalau sehari aku cakap macam tu 10 kali. Bayangkan dalam seminggu berapa pahala dia dapat? Boleh tebus doa-dosa kecil dia kot pahala yang aku bagi secara tidak langsung tu!

You kena berterima kasih kat I, Khairul Helmi. Ha.

Kemudian, apabila kami berdua dah okey. Aku dengan muka temboknya add dia semula di Facebook. Tapi aku tak tahu macam mana nak tegur dia. Jadi, dia tegur aku dulu. Dia approach cara baik, wa pun balas cara baiklah. Dulu, memanglah aku layan dia macam musuh. Asyik nak cari pasal je dengan dia sampai dia tak terlayan lagi dengan karenah aku.

Setelah aku semakin matang, aku pun buang perangai buang tebiat aku tu yang suka serang-serang dia dengan mesej yang penuh emosi. Sebab aku rasa macam bodoh gila cari pasal dengan orang yang layan aku dengan baik.

Apabila laki bertindak sesuatu tu, adalah sebabnya. Jadi kita yang perempuan ni jangan mudah sangat lemah. Lagi-lagi, kawan-kawan aku. Tolonglah make up your mind.

Bagi kawan-kawan aku yang masih bercinta, janganlah cepat cemburu kalau pakwe korang chat dengan kawan perempuan dorang di FB. Lantak pi doranglah. Being in a relationship doesn't mean he is being imprisoned. Pakwe kau orang pun muda lagi kot!

Kalau dia nak perempuan lain pun aku tak rasa salah.

Dia nak main-main dulu, lantak pi dia. Kang dia dah agak-agak nak kahwin, dah matang dan profesional, dah berkerjaya, haaa! Masa tu kau orang nak kejar dengan air mata darah, aku sokong! Dengan aku-aku sekali ikut kejar. Kalau korang nak kejar pakwe korang yang masih ditanggung lagi makan minum pakaiannya oleh mak bapak dia orang sendiri, baik tak payah.

Lebih baik kau orang bermandi peluh dan bermain emosi dengan bersolat tasbih. Dunia nak kiamat ni, woi. Gunung berapi dan mengaum sana sini tak berhenti-henti. Separuh dunia dah ditelenggami air. Jangan bazirkan masa fikir cinta yang tak bawa ke mati. Baik fikir cinta Ilahi yang tolong kau orang kat akhirat nanti.

Okey, aku dah habis mencarut.

Third English story - My Happy Family!

2010-11-08T01:22:00.001+08:00

Taking a deep breath was what Ally had been doing since she sat on the chair in front of a study table of hers. A ton of assignments was nicely arranged on the table. Seeing the seemed-to-be-hardly-finished assignments made her feel like losing her breath. She did not know which one she should finish up first. Hardly decided it really was. She finally took a brown-paper-covered book. The book seemed to be sort of interesting as she needed to write about her family.

Nevertheless, still, she faced the same quandary – did not know where she should start. Very sure she was, she would not know where to stop after she started to write as well. She sighed. Back then, she only had the ideas in her mind abstractly. And now, she needed to put all the ideas in word form. It was supposed to be fun as writing was her passion. For uncounted time, she sighed.

All of a sudden a ball hit her head. Her eyes narrowed impulsively, as her head itching. It was indeed very pain! She turned to the door behind her back, angrily.

“What the hell do you think you are doing, dude?” Ally squealed.

Her brother, Billy laughed amusingly. The laughter that was amusing to all girls in the school they were in but squeaking to her. Annoying!

“You know that I didn’t do that purposely, don’t you?” Billy smiled puckishly and winked.

Ally squinted frowningly.

“Ugh! You’ve just done two slipups, are you aware of that?”

“Oh, really? Let’s just presume that I’m not aware of that so you tell me what they actually are.”

It seemed that his graveling smile could not even fade from his lips. The more Ally looked at him, the more she got pissed off.

“First, have I not told you to knock the door first before you enter? Second, is hitting my head with a ball without apologizing considered as an accident? I hate you” she groaned.

Billy crawled to Ally’s bed and let his foots dangled over it.

“Jeez! Chill, sister! I just wanted to know what you were up to and ensured that you were not wasting your life by means of sleeping all day long. Why are you being so moody? It’s still early in the morning. Plus, the weather is not hot at all as the day has been raining since last night unstoppably. So, what makes you so tense?”

Somehow Ally felt like crying. The words of Billy's sounded sweet and caring. A truth about Billy that no one could deny, even her who was pissed off by him approximately everyday though. She and Billy scarcely spent their times together. Busyness the reason was. Billy was such a sportive guy and he rarely appeared in class because he needed to focus on lots of basketball and soccer practices. Yet, he was brilliant and intelligent.

That was why Ally envied him. Even though their parents never compared their children’s’ achievements, still, Ally felt defeated like she had done nothing that could make her parents proud unlike her brother. What was her fault? Was it just her effort not hard enough? Why couldn’t she be like her brother?

“Come here,” Billy patted the divan he was on.

Ally jiggled her head left and right.

“I have tons of assignments that I need to focus on. I thought you should be on a field, kicking the ball’s ass off now. Why are you still here?”

“Can’t you see the day is raining? And it’s because like what I have just said. Here I am to secure my dearest sister and shoo away all her tenses! Oh, by the way, a ball has no ass for your information” said Billy, jocosely.

“Cut the crap, would you? Instead of checking what I am up to, you’re supposed to check what our father and mother are up to as we both have not seen them just yet. Where do you think they are now?”

“Where else can they both be other than in the kitchen? I can smell the scent of chocolate cake from here. Humph…”

Yes, why did she never think of that? Where could their parents possibly be? Her mother, of course, would be in the kitchen, preparing for their breakfast. Subsequently, she would bake cakes to be sold. A routine for 24/7, she guessed. And their father would be by their mother’s side until the time he ought to get dressed up to work. Such a loving couple, weren’t they?

“It’s you who have not been out of your messy room,” he added, fading the thoughts in her mind.

“Our parents love each other to the death. As the economy is kind of down now, I guess our mother needs to bake and sell the cakes till the economy grows. We can’t depend on our father’s income only. We would starve otherwise,” said Billy.

Ally nodded. She was very aware of that. Mother was a submissive wife, she could tell. She would do anything to make sure that her husband and children were not screwed up by any hassles. Her father was a businessman. An ordinary businessman who went through the up and down in the world of business just like others who were in the same field.

“Will the economy grow? Will our mother be like how she was on those days?” Ally asked in wonder.

“The glitch will one day end. Every cloud has a silver lining, right? We can actually help them. I’ve given a thought about working part-timely after settling all the matches.”

“What are you going to do about school?”

“School is school. I’ll work after school time. Just to help sinking their afflictions. I’ve grown up, haven’t I? So do you. It’s time to pay back what they’ve done for us. They only have both of us. And we only have both of them. I'm not gonna let them working so hard whereby at their age, they are supposed to rest and enjoy the last bit of life.”

Ally was touched by his words, again. She could not resist that what Billy had just said was indeed very true. It’s what Ally loved her family all about. Teasing each other till both got annoyed but still they loved each other infinitely. Billy had actually woken her up from a reverie. The world was not all about happiness and cool stuffs. There were somehow tricky consequences needed to be going through by each living things.

“You know what; you’ve just given me such a brilliant idea to write about our family for my assignment!” a smile finally drawn on Ally’s face.

Pulp!

Billy threw a pillow to her head.

“I thought I was making you aware of the hardship our family was going through now! Ally!” Billy shrieked with such a funny face.

All pillows were thrown toward Ally. She stood up and chased Billy to downstairs.

“Billy! You'd just messed my hair my pissed me off!”

There was no expression of grief. No anger. Only laughter could be heard. Ally wasn’t pissed off, actually. All of a sudden, she liked it.

She now had a luminous story to be written down on the book. About her family.

Her happy complete set of family.

Hati

2010-11-04T03:33:00.002+08:00

Perlahan-lahan, Fared menapak keluar dari perut kereta. Lemah saja langkah yang dikorak. Memang mahligai yang bertugu di hadapannya kini amat dirindui. Tambahan lagi, penghuninya. Penghuni yang bukan saja menghuni teratak ini, bahkan hatinya juga.

Dijemput pulang ke rumah oleh Dzul, abang kembarnya pernah menjadi sesuatu yang amat mengujakan. Tetapi itu dulu. Kini tidak lagi. Beban rasa bersalah kerana terampas kebahagiaan abangnya tanpa disedari menggunung di sanubari. Kadang-kadang tidak tertanggung. Hingga dia segan untuk berdepan dengan arjuna yang satu ini.

“Adik, apa yang tercegat lagi situ? Masuklah,” suara Dzul, secara tidak langsung meranap lamunan Fared yang sedang bermain dengan kata hatinya sendiri.

Anak mata Fared melurut jatuh ke bibir Dzul. Bibir yang tidak pernah lekang dengan senyuman. Bibir itu mampu menyembunyikan keperitan yang digalas, tetapi tidak mata kuyunya.

Fared menghela nafas berat. Betapa dia mengharap dengan menghela begitu, masalahnya turut berhembus pergi. Ah, realiti tidak pernahnya menyenangkan.

Dia cuba membalas senyuman abangnya itu. Tetapi yang mampu dia hadiahkan hanyalah senyuman yang pahitnya tidak terungkap.

“Dzul! Dzul! Dzul dah balik? Dzul pergi mana tadi? Pagi-pagi lagi dah lesap. Aleya ngan ummi tercari-cari tau. Keluar tak bagi tahu pun,” manja suara gadis yang dirindui siang dan malam menampar pendengaran Fared.

Serentak air matanya bergenang. Apakah khabar dia? Apakah dia masih merindui walaupun hatinya kusakiti sebelum aku meninggalkan tempat ini dulu?

Fared menarik nafas sedalam-dalamnya. Dia mendongakkan kepala, menghalang air matanya daripada menitis. Namun gagal. Segera dia memalingkan tubuhnya membelakangi pintu, lantas mengesat air mata yang merembes.

“Dzul pergi jemput Aleya punya ‘sayang’,” balas Dzul berserta senyuman.

“Hah?” sepantas kilat jantung Aleya berdegup kencang.

Dia berlari-lari anak ke muka pintu. Kaget dia sejenak melihat susuk tubuh insan yang saban hari ditunggu kepulangannya di situ. Saat mata mereka bertembung, air mata Aleya bagaikan sungai yang mengalir di hari hujan. Deras, tanpa mampu ditahan-tahan.

Jika diturutkan hati yang sarat dengan rindu dan kasih ini, ingin saja Fared menarik Aleya ke dalam dakapannya. Tetapi ada suatu suara di lubuk hati, yang mengingatkannya supaya lupakan saja. Sudah-sudahlah dia menyakiti hati abangnya. Gadis seperti Aleya hanya layak dimiliki laki seperti Dzul. Yang kemuliaannya tidak mampu disangkal oleh siapa-siapa.

Biar terhiris hatinya oleh adik sendiri, namun dirinya tidak pernah luak dengan kasih sayang dan pengorbanan.

“Awak?” bergetar suara Aleya.

Fared mengetap bibir. Direnung sepasang anak mata itu. Tahu benar dia betapa anak mata itu dahagakan pelukan dan kucupannya. Tetapi dia tidak mampu menunaikan dambaan itu, yang jugakan dambaan hatinya.

“Saya nak rehat,” sedaya-upaya Fared cuba memupuk ketegasan dalam suaranya. Enggan kedengaran lemah. Dia perlukan kuat diri, kuatkan hati.

Dia meloloskan diri ke dalam rumah. Meninggalkan Aleya yang terkapai-kapai di muka pintu dengan kelemasan perasaan sendiri.

Belum sempat Fared masuk ke bilik yang berbulan-bulan ditinggalkan, kedengaran Dzul memanggilnya. Lembut tetapi terdapat ketegasan di situ.

“Aku nak ingatkan, aku tak boleh lama-lama di sini. Lusa aku balik England semula. Aku banyak kerja kat sana,” ujar Fared tanpa sedikit pun dia menoleh ke arah Dzul.

“Duduk sini dulu,” arah Dzul.

“Aleya, mari sini. Duduk dulu. Kita bincang dulu,” lembut saja suara Dzul meminta kerjasama Aleya dan Fared.

Aleya menurut tanpa sepatah kata.

“Adik?” panggil Dzul lagi, penuh kesabaran.

“Aku tak ada benda nak dibincangkan.”

“Kau tak ada, tapi aku ada. Jadi, tolonglah duduk. Lepas ni, kalau kau nak 'blah' jugak, lantak kaulah. Tapi aku minta, duduk dan dengar dulu apa yang aku nak perkatakan,” tegas Dzul sambil cuba mengawal kelantangan suaranya.

Akhirnya, Fared akur jua. Di sebuah sofa antara sofa yang diduduk Dzul dan Aleya, di situ dia merebahkan punggungnya.

Dzul merenung segenap wajah Fared yang saling tak tumpah sepertinya. Melihat Fared persis melihat dirinya di cermin. Cuma dagu Fared yang berbelah dan gaya rambutnya yang membezakan mereka. Hanya Tuhan saja yang tahu betapa dia merindui saat-saat bergurau –senda dengan darah dagingnya yang satu ini.

Tetapi cinta mampu merubah segalanya. Hanya kerana mereka mencintai insane yang sama, kemesraan yang digarap sedari kecil ghaib begitu saja. Namun, Dzul enggan menyalahkan sesiapa. Kerana dia yang terang-terang bersalah. Dia yang tidak mampu menerima hakikat hati Aleya dimiliki oleh Fared. Dia yang tidak mampu berlagak seperti biasa. Jika tidak, Fared tidak akan dapat menghidu rasa hatinya dan hubungan mereka tidak akan terjejas. Dan pasti dia Berjaya menelan hakikat yang pahit itu kemudiannya. Namun, nasi telah pun menjadi bubur.

Oleh sebab dia melayan sangat hati yang lara, dia membawa diri ke Negara orang dengan harapan jauhnya kedua-dua insan itu mampu merawat hati yang terluka. Tetapi benarlah kata-kata orang terlebih dahulu merasa asam garam kehidupan, melarikan diri tidak menyelesaikan masalah. Sebaliknya, mengeruhkan lagi keadaan. Aleya yang tidak berdosa pula dilukai sedangkan gadis sunti itu tulus menyintai adiknya. Sebagai abang, tidakkah dia patut turut gembira dengan kebahagiaan adiknya?

Ah, serabut! Dzul meraup muka beberapa kali sebelum menghela nafas berat.

“Adik, Aleya … melarikan diri bukan jalan penyelesaian,” Dzul membuka kata.

“Siapa pula yang larikan diri? Aku cuma pulang ke tempat asal aku,” sangkal Fared, jelek.

Dzul ketawa sinis. “Tempat asal? Kau diberanakkan di Malaysia, adik. Sejak bila pula negara asing tu jadi tempat asal kau? Dah lupa daratan apa?”

“Yang pasti tempat aku bukan di sini,” Fared mempertahankan diri.

“Tak! Tempat Aleya yang bukan di sini. Dari dulu sepatutnya Aleya pindah. Aleya tak patut tinggal di rumah ni. Maafkan Aleya,” celah gadis yang tertunduk bisu tadi.

“Bodoh!” bentak Fared, tiba-tiba.

Spontan Aleya dan Dzul memandang Fared.

“Ini bukan masalah tempat tinggallah, awak. Along, jujurnya, apa yang kau cuba sampaikan? Straight to the point boleh tak?”

“Aku dah belajar terima hakikat yang tak semua aku ingini boleh aku miliki. Jadi, tak perlulah kau orang berdua bermasam muka begini. Sambungkan apa yang terputus, dan mari kita jalani hidup seperti sedia kala,” jawab Dzul.

“Masalah apa yang kau ingini selama tak pernah kau miliki pun! Termasuk Aleya. Aku tak faham kenapa kau tak rembat je Aleya ni. Aku tak faham apa yang kau tunggu sebenarnya. Kalau kau ingat aku ada hati kat Aleya, kau pun sama bodoh.”

“Adik?” suara Dzul, terkejut.

“Aku ingat kita ni kembar, kita adalah sixth sense. Bolehlah kau rasa apa aku rasa. Tapi ada benteng rupanya. Aku dengan Aleya tak pernah ada apa-apa kalau itu yang menghalang hubungan kau dengan Aleya. Ya, kami pernah rapat. Tapi tak lebih seperti adik dan abang.

Dulu kau hantar Aleya ke England, kau suruh aku jaga dia sebab kau anggap dia sebagai adik. Jadi, aku jaga dia pun macam adik. Tak lebih, tak kurang. So, selesai? Kau orang berdua boleh tetapkan tarikh pernikahan dan sebagainya. Aku nak rehat.”

Sangka Fared, dia mampu bertahan biarpun hatinya diremuk dengan helah sendiri. Tetapi saat Aleya bersuara, Fared seperti di awing-awangan. Dia keliru sama ada ia penipuan yang direka-reka demi menjaga hati Dzul ataupun kenyataan. Yang dia pasti, pedih kata-kata itu bisam menikam dada.

Sungguh, gadis itu mampu memecahkan kolam air mata lakinya.

Langkah Fared mati tatkala Aleya bersuara.

“Apa yang Fared kata tu betul, Dzul. Bukan kepulangan Fared yang Aleya tunggu, tapi lafaz cinta Dzul. Kemesraan Aleya dan Fared hanya untuk membuat Dzul cemburu. Aleya sangkakan Dzul akan perjuangkan rasa hati Dzul, tapi Dzul menarik diri sebelum bertanding. Aleya …,” dia gagal meneruskan kata-kata.

Yang kedengaran kini hanya sendunya.

“Aleya …,” panggil Dzul dengan nafas berat. Dia runsing. Apakah sebenarnya yang Aleya dan Fared cuba lakukan? Mengapa mereka menipu perasaan sendiri?

“Aleya kecewa dengan Dzul,” bohong Aleya.

Lencun pipinya dek air mata. Air mata yang bukan menangisi kekecewaannya terhadap Dzul, tetapi lebih kepada sakitnya hati menipu perasaan sendiri. Dia cuba redha. Jika ini yang diingini Fared, dia sanggup. Asalkan kedua-dua beradik itu kembali seperti dulu.

Dzul bingkas berdiri dengan berang di dada.

“Kau orang ni dah tebiat nak mampus ke apa? Apa yang kau orang dapat dengan menipu diri sendiri?”

Fared berpaling, menghadap Dzul. Wajahnya turut lencun dengan air mata.

“Aku dapat kau yang dulu! Aku bagi kau apa yang layak untuk dapat!”

“Kau ingat Aleya patung ke, dik? Main pass-pass? Hah?”

“Kenapa pula aku perlu peduli pasal perasaan orang lain kalau perasaan darag daging sendiri aku tak mampu jaga?”

“Aleya bukan orang lain, dik. Aleya perempuan yang kau cintai! Aleya penghuni ni, penghuni hati kau,” Dzul menepuk dada Fared. Cuba membawa adiknya kembali ke dunia nyata.

“Along, tolonglah!”

Kini, Fared tidak lagi segan-silu menangis. Dibiarkan sendunya kedengaran. Dia melutut di lantai.

“Along, tolonglah. Aku tak sanggup macam ni. Aku tak sanggup tengok kau sedih. Aku tak sanggup teruskannya dengan Aleya apabila kau lebih layak. Kisah aku ngan Leya tinggal sejarah je, long. Tolonglah,” teresak-esak fared menangis di kaki abangnya.

“Adik, apa ni? Bangun!”

“Aku sayang kau, Along. Aku minta maaf sebab rampas Aleya. Aku minta maaf sebab rampas kebahagiaan kau. Aku dah tak sanggup tanggung rasa bersalah ni, long. Aku pulangkan semuanya. Semua milik kau. Aku nak kau macam dulu. Aku nak kita macam dulu. Along …”

“Adik, bangun. Kalau aku dengan Aleya bersama pun, tiada bezanya. Bahkan, mungkin aku akan lebih sedih sebab aku hanya mampu miliki jasadnya tetapi jiwanya tidak mampu aku pisahkan daripada kau. Selama setahun kau di England, sudah cukup untuk aku belajar sesuatu yang aku tentang bermati-matian dulu.

Susah aku nak terima kata-kata menerima orang yang menyintai kita lebih baik daripada menerima orang yang kita cintai, yang belum pasti turut menyintai kita sebagaimana kita menyintai dia. Tetapi itu dulu. Apa yang kita inginkan ialah rasa dicintai, belaian kasih sayang dan perhatian. Jika ada insane lain yang mampu berikan aku semua itu, tanpa aku merayu dan meminta-minta, mengapa tidak aku beri dia peluang? Dulu, mungkin aku tiada apa-apa perasaan pada dia.

Tapi hari demi hari, dia tidak pernah jemu belai aku dengan cintanya sehingga akhirnya pintu aku terbuka untuk dia. Aku dapat rasakan perlahan-lahan, kehadiran dia mengisi segenap ruang hati aku ni, dik. Jadi, sebelum aku putih mata buat kali kedua, aku dah grab dia awal-awal.”

Fared dan Aleya terkesima.

“Kau maksudkan siapa?”

“Isteri aku.”

“Isteri?” pekik Aleya dan Fared serentak.

Dzul mengangguk dengan senyuman lebar. Jarinya mengesat air mata Fared yang berbaki di pipi.

“Siapa, along?”

“Arissa Elena. Dan sebenarnya aku kena blah sekarang! Sebab dia dah nak beranak sekejap lagi! Pandai-pandailah kau orang berdua fikirkan hubungan kau orang. Aku nak pi sambut baby aku! Bye-bye!” teriak Dzul, riang. Cepat-cepat dia memeluk dan mengucup pipi adiknya yang terpinga-pinga sebagai penutup proses memujuk Fared.

Ummi farhah yang memasang telinga dari dapur kerana kononnya ingin memberi ruang kepada anak-anaknya meleraikan permasalahan, terkejut bukan kepalang dengan berita yang tidak langsung pernah di duganya.

“Masya-Allah!” ucap Ummi Farhah sebelum rebah.

“Ummi!!” jerit Aleya dan Fared.

Irreplaceable Telenovela

2010-11-02T00:24:00.005+08:00

I listened and watched the music video below just now and it made me cry. It brought me to the mood of nostalgic. This one telenovela is irreplaceable. I had loved the heroin, Gabriela Spanic before but ever since she changed her look which she thought was prettier than the former one, I did not give a damn about her anymore. Before she did the plastic surgery, botox and somewhat (just so you know, non-Malaysian artistes can never get rid of doing plastic surgery and etc for the sake of looking prettier and sexier which causes them to end up with indescribable hideous look), she looked so decent and innocent. Very heartwarming. Lovable.

Before the holiday ends, I guess I'm gonna watch the full episodes of this telenovela. Oh my gosh, the theme song is sooo heartwarming, isn't it? Haih.

Ps ; Result for UiTM's Foundation students will be out tomorrow. Wish me luck, pals!

Masa kamu akan tiba jua

2010-10-27T21:21:00.007+08:00

Suatu masa dahulu.

Di sebuah restoran, kelihatan sekumpulan belia bergurau-senda di sebuah barisan meja bercantum tiga. Dalam tidak sengaja, aku mengeluh tiba-tiba.

"Dah masuk universiti nanti, bolehlah kamu merasa. Masa tu, pandai-pandailah kamu jaga diri. Dah bebas dari perhatian ibu bapa, pandai-pandai kamulah fikir mana baik, mana buruk," suara baba bagaikan memahami kehendak hatiku yang ingin bergaul dan bermesra bersama teman-teman laki dan perempuanku sebagaimana yang tertera di depan mata kala ini.

Dua bulan yang lalu.

"Bang, pinggan nasi untuk 20 orang makan. Air bagi dua jag air oren dan ...."

Senyuman aku memekar. Melihat teman-temanku saling menyakat, bergurau senda tidak kenal asal dari mana. Yang pasti, keutuhan ikatan persahabatan yang terjalin kini dibungai kasih dan sayang yang tidak tergambar dan terucap dengan kata-kata.

Dulu, memanglah aku tidak merasa keluar bersama kawan-kawan perempuan dan laki hingga tenggelam mentari. Bilangan kawan laki aku pun boleh dikira dengan jari jemari kurniaan Ilahi. Mana tidaknya, aku bersekolah di sekolah perempuan. Kenalan laki pun aku pun rata-rata semua dari Internet, jarian yang menghubungkan manusia dari semua benua.

Dulu, memanglah aku bengang. Kenapalah baba tak sekolahkan aku di sekolah campur? Kalau tak, aku boleh jamin sekarang ni, dan berpuluh koleksi bekas teman laki aku. Tapi, apabila sudah meningkat belia, apabila sudah menghadapi sendiri dunia nyata, baru aku tahu sebab-musabab babaku berbuat demikian.

Tak lain tak bukan, baba ingin aku tumpukan sepenuhnya perhatian pada pelajaran. Dan berjaya dengan gemilang. Memanglah tak semestinya belajar di sekolah campur tak boleh berjaya, tapi sebab baba kenal anak perempuan dia macam mana. Anak gadis yang pantang nampak laki berupa indah dan mudah tewas dengan hawa nafsu, terutama.

Apa yang diajar oleh baba dan mama sepanjang aku di bangku sekolah, semuanya untuk amalan di masa depan. Amalan sekarang ini. Amalan aku apabila aku menghadapi dunia seorang diri. Jadi, apabila aku jauh dari pandangan mata mereka, apabila aku dengan kawan sedang bersuka-ria, sekurang-kurangnya aku tahu ada batasan. Manusia yang pernah diajar untuk tidak buat sesuatu kejahatan lagi bodoh dah bahlul daripada manusia jahil di zaman kejahilan dulu apabila dia tetap buat sesuatu kejahatan.

"Jadi, budak-budak sekolah sekalian, tak perlulah nak memberontak nak pergi clubbing dan lepak di kedai mamak selepas tamat waktu sekolah. Balik rumah dan habis pelajaran dulu. Kau orang dan masuk alam universiti nanti, baru kau orang alami pergaulan bebas berbatas yang lebih reeaaaaal daripada yang kau orang rasa sekarang. Nanti baru boleh rasa fresh dan ucap, "Oh inilah dunia!" Kiranya kehidupan kau orang ada tirai baru. Kalau semasa di bangku sekolah kerjanya melepak saja, dan di universiti pun sama, tidak ke kehidupan kau orang mendatar tidak berklimaks?"

Bapak bosan hidup kau orang!

I may not agree with what you say but I'll defend to the death your right to say it

2010-10-15T01:46:00.003+08:00

It's a quote of Voltaire's, actually. Here are some of the current issues that I am utterly not satisfied with

1) People disallowing Adam Lambert’s concert

Okay, I am not his big fan. I don’t even listen to his song but all I know is he is undeniably a good singer regardless his social life as he was the top winner of American Idol. Just because he is gay, it doesn’t mean that he is going to spoil us. His only intention coming to Malaysia is to promote his songs. That’s what professional and never-give-up-in-developing singers do! Duh -.-“

You guys who disallow his performance in Malaysia really are sick-minded. It’s his personal life style, okay. Stop pointing your finger at other people when your attitudes are not exemplary too. There are tons of things you can study from him. Like people always say, the good shall be exampled and the bad shall be void.

Duh – you guys are sickening!

2) Sosilawati’s case being filmed

Is there any reasonable and rational reason to film the death of her? You guys are so avaricious. Taking advantage on the hot tragedy happening in the country.

Tak ada kerja lain apa?

Ps ; This is my latest addiction. It's really addictive, isn't it?

Typical high-school love story.

2010-10-09T00:16:00.004+08:00

First and foremost, I don't know why in hell I wrote this but this is my third English story. You may read as well as comment it for the sake of my improvement. Trust me, I am not an escapist. Be it a good or bad comment, I accept it with ease. Thank you.

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Being homey was what Kelly had been doing since her romantic relationship with Harry was broken into pieces. Something that Kelly never thought would happen. If she used to say that she loved Harry immeasurably back then, now she would say that she hated Harry fucking much like no one could ever imagine. The hatred was naturally established in her heart since day one of her being a single lady, for like again.

The thing she hated the most now was she needed to face him again for another half of the year as they were classmates. She felt like changing to another class but that would make her look unprofessional. She ought to act professionally or else, Harry would laugh his ass off knowing that she was fundamentally affected by the broken relationship as if she would die without a so-called boyfriend.

Kelly was going to prove to Harry that she could make it through the rain, alone.

All the pictures of them patched on the wall were taken off and thrown out of the window. I hate you! I hate you! I hate you, Harry! Kelly shouted her lungs out. If only she could tear his face off, it would be better. She would be even more satisfied.

But down in the dump of her heart, she missed him. She missed to receive his call every morning. She missed to have his arms around her. Would she get to feel those amazing feelings again? She sighed.

“Kelly, what are you doing up there? Get down and have your breakfast! You’re going to miss the bus if you keep yourself wrapped in your messy room!” Elizabeth hollered from down stairs.

“I’m coming! I’m coming!” Kelly replied, frowningly.

Effortlessly she took her back went down stairs just to satisfy her mother’s desire which was she going to school without skipping it even a day. Kelly herself would rather not go to school with herself in frown. She could not even smile for the jiffy!

“Would you shout any louder?” she squinted to out of the door.

“What were you doing, Kelly? It’s Wednesday! A school day? How many times should I remind you what a school day is? It’s a day you need to attend your school and accumulate as much knowledge as you can! In the school!”

“Mom, enough! I am not in the mood to listen to your nag today, okay? I’ve got to go,” without turning to her mother, she walked off the house.

“Where’s my kiss?”

Kelly just raised her right hand, symbolizing ‘later’. She was seriously not in the mood. She thought it was the worst day ever when she coincidently bumped into Harry on her walk to the bus stop.

“Hey, Kel,” he uttered

Why would he say hi to her her if he hated her? Kelly thought he had nothing to do with her anymore as they had broken up? Kelly wondered soundlessly in her mind. She only stared at Harry who was walking toward her.

“Are you okay?

“Like my okay-ness bothers you. Why would you care, anyway? We’re over, aren’t we?”

“Unquestionably, yes, we’re over. But not as a friend. You’re still my friend though. You can still count on me to listen to your chattering about anything,” he said with a smile that Kelly had missed freaking much.

“Friend? Sorry, I am not interested,” Kelly moved to the bus stop where she first intended to go to.

“Kel!” she heard Harry calling her name from way behind her.

“Kel, I really meant it,” Harry now stood in front of Kelly that was sitting on a bench, waiting for her supposed-to-be-already-arrived bus.

She ignored Harry as if there was no one standing in front of her. She really didn’t get it! What did Harry think he was doing?

“Move, Harry. You’re blocking me from seeing the bus!”

“I won’t move till you answer me.”

“What do you want?” Kelly shrieked.

Harry chuckled seeing at the madness of his own ex-girlfriend. Kelly always looked cute and adorable every time she got mad. Her face would turn reddish, making him feel like kissing her. Luckily the feeling of kissing the reddish cheek was exorable.

“Can we befriend?” Harry raised his eyebrows, moving his right hand toward Kelly, ready for hand-shaking.

“Unsurprisingly, no!” Kelly smirked before she squinted away.

“Why not?”

“I don’t need to have a reason in doing things,” she replied.

“Well, there must be reason that stops you from doing the thing you want the most which is befriending me.”

Kelly gawked for a while. How could he think that way? Never had she thought to be his friend. They were not meant to befriend. When their relationship was over, that was it. No more or lesser than that.

“How duff can you possibly be? You’re my ex-boyfriend and no one would ever befriend their ex! Don’t you get it? Do you know how hurtful it is when you can’t have your loved one as yours? I have had enough, Harry. I would rather not befriend you than hurt my own feeling forcing myself to accept the fact that I need to share my so-called friend that is secretly special to me with other people. Do you know how special you were and in fact, still are to me? I guess you don’t know and that’s why you’re asking thing that is ridiculous to be asked from your own ex!

You know what, the most stupid thing I’ve ever done in my life is, loving someone like you! I’m not going to see you anymore. Please, I beg you, get off my sight!”

Kelly couldn’t bear her feeling any longer. Her tears almost fell. She hardly controlled it. It was better for her to go away rather than being caught crying. She guessed Harry himself had had enough seeing her invaluable tears.

The stupid bus had not even come yet. She had probably missed it. Why couldn’t it wait for her? Why would it rush? Wasn’t the morning still early?

She peeked to her watch. It was already 7.00 a.m. The school gate must have been locked, no doubt. But she would not care, nevertheless. She would still go there as wished by her mother.

“Kel!”

Kelly heard footsteps of someone running. Without turning behind, she knew it was Harry.

“Kel, please,” Harry held both shoulders of Kelly.

Slowly his fingers touched her chin and their eyes were now locked.

“The biggest success I have ever achieved in my life is, making you cry,” he said.

That was atrocious! Kelly pulled his body away.

“Fuck off, Harry”

“Do you know why? It’s because each drip of your tears is a pearl. I am the luckiest man ever for I have seen the most precious and beautiful pearls though I could not keep it to see every day,” he whispered.

The tears that were barely controlled finally dropped onto her cheek. That was the most wonderful saying she had ever heard, indeed.

Harry rested his forehead on hers. At a snail’s pace, he laid his kiss to every inch of her face. Conveying his unbearable miss.

“Why did you break off our relationship? Why did you poach my heart?” Kelly said through her tears.

“I thought I was not good enough for you. I flunked my geography and chemistry. But just now I realized, leading separate ways would only hurt us more. It might be effective for some other couples, but not us,” he said before kissing her again on the cheek.

“Why didn’t you tell me? I could have helped you out. We could have studied together, idiot. Don’t you know the more you fail, the closer you get to the success?”

“I didn’t know that. All I know is, I love you and I want my swagger back.”

“I love you too and even more.”

It is normal to be in despair after breaking up with your loved one, but never think it is the end of the world. Too many secrets to be discovered out there. Just so you know, the world is so complicated. You would never know what would really happen in future. You may plan it but life will usually go against your plan just to make your journey even merrier and out of the ordinary!

To Kelly, she just happened to know that the hatred she ever felt along the way being a single lady before hooking up back with her Harry showed how much she actually loved him and how ridiculous it was to get Harry off her mind. She thought they would never hook up back.

But life is just so mysterious!

Those who live in glass houses should not throw stone

2010-10-07T22:42:00.003+08:00

NOTE : This post is indeed a long one. You may just ignore it if you have no interest to read.

And those who do not get what the idiom is all about, let me tell you the definite meaning of it. The meaning behind the idiom is we should not criticize others when we ourselves have faults and weaknesses.

Sadly enough, the habit of censuring others whereby we ourselves have done and still do bad things continuously seems to have blended in us. In our soul. We and the habit are synonymous, aren’t we? I am not saying that all people are just the same. Of course there are those who do not do this wicked doing but the number of them can be counted with mere fingers.

Even worse, I myself cannot get rid of the habit. I do judge people in random even though they are on no accounts related to me. Even though they have never picked a fight with me before. Even though they are said to be more lovable than I am. And even though they love me so much.

Trust me. I am not as cute as you think I am.

That was simply the opening. I was just giving you the hint and warning you not to get dumbfounded afterward. I mean, right after this.

I sound so spooky, don’t I?

I have had countless blog-walking since day one of me getting myself involved in this blogosphere. To be true, I hardly fall for blogs’ of bloggers who crap aimlessly about their daily lives or backstab their so-called bitches. I find that those kinds of blog are in no ways subliming or entertaining, like I can have my ass laughed off through reading them.

It is good to create your blog and have all your feeling expressed in it rather than keeping your feeling to your heart which in result may cause you to be mad. However, mannerism ought to be your priority in working out something. John Rawls who is a European philosopher even said that people were not supposed to do whatever they wished because there was always limitation in freedom.

"What I mean is manner in writing. You can be bitchy by backstabbing and talking bad things about people like what I did in previous posts, but of course with proper language. You can vent your anger through writing on your blog but for sure without harming other people’s reputation. We indirectly are responsible in taking care of each other’s pride. If only you have given a thought about the world with no toleration and respect."

Have you heard the phrase of Prophet Muhammad that says we will go through the process of accumulating knowledge till we are buried in our respective grave? Every single doing we do, ought to be educational. Thus, it’s not only us who can learn and revise but people around us as well. Let me give you an example. If you find tangible rubbish on the floor where you are standing in public, at a bus stop for instance and you pick the rubbish up to throw it in a dustbin, the people who see you will feel like being taught not to throw rubbish pleasantly as they wish. It doesn’t have to be in public, actually. If you go and visit a superbly clean house, would you dare to make a mess there? I bet you would not.

I myself have learned something from my friend’s good habit. I was taken aback to see her wardrobe where she kept her dresses was in a very neat state. Way neater and tidier than mine. It was when I had an overnight in her room. And to be precise, she whom I mean is my coursemate, Sumaiya Hakma. While we had our chit-chat, she was hanging up her newly-washed clothes. She folded the clothes first before tidily hanging them up in the wardrobe which was something that I had never thought of before. I had been thinking for a measure to make my wardrobe tidier that time and she had shed me some light on. Right after I got back to my own room, I took out all my clothes and started to fold them like the way I saw she did.

See, every single doing is and ought to be educational. I have not thanked her yet, though. Maya, if you’re reading this, I would like to thank you for indirectly teaching me how to clean up the mess in my wardrobe. I love you.

This is relatable to the world of blogging. If you write an educational yet entertaining post at the same time, people would never get bored, I can tell. If you find me rarely visit your blog, it might be because you are crapping about your oh-superbly cute pets or frustration regarding them who you are dissatisfied with. I do not read expression of people against people they hate except with proper language.

You guys may be wondering what my blog provides for you all to learn as I keep urging people to write educational-yet-entertaining posts. Here I am to answer your marvel. I have said earlier I do judge people like all people in general do. I express my feelings and thoughts out regarding my dissatisfaction on my blog like all bloggers in general do. I am a commoner. I do not deny my typicality or normalcy.

However, do you guys realize I am blogging in English – the second language of the Malays? I know my objective to receive readers from abroad is ambitious and I must not surrender in essence to really achieve it. After realizing it would not work in a matter of time, I started to think of another objective behind blogging in English.

Therefore I think, why not I help those who determine to improve their English proficiency? It is not that I have low self-esteem or whatnot, but I am a learner who is making sure her study is in progress to reach the crowning of development. I do make mistakes here and there but I always try my best to whittle down the number of mistakes from time to time, from a post to another.

If you find my blog is full of gibberish posts, why don’t you take a look at each English post circumspectly and try out the rare and unusual vocabularies that might be new to you? Search out the meaning and write a post to apply the words. Thefreedictionary.com may help you a lot. Next, learn the structure of sentence. I am still on my way to improve my proficiency in forming well-structured sentences to make my post even more interesting. There are lots of things you can learn via English blogs, you know?

Back then, I used to write Malay and English posts sporadically. Nonetheless, entering UiTM causes me to speak in Malay for 24/7 as I am surrounded by Malays. I was afraid that my proficiency in English would get weaker bit by bit. Therefore, a measure is taken. It is by blogging fully in English. You guys have no idea how pathetic it is when people come and say to you that they get pissed off and annoyed reading your blog which is fully in English. It is indeed very sad to think how narrow-minded our people are.

I guess I have the message delivered already. It is pretty up to you. Do you want to know what kind of blog I easily fall for? Look at the side bar. The listed blogs under Daily E-newspapers and Blog Stars are my favorites. I learned a lot from them.

Go and check them out, guys!

The best class I've ever been. I'm grateful that I am one of them.

2010-10-06T12:42:00.005+08:00

Click photo for a larger view
I ♥ you PL1I'10!

I am done with the first semester. No words can describe my feeling studying in UiTM Merbok, far away from beloved family. I thought I would die but I had fun instead. I enjoyed every bit there and felt so hard to leave the place for semester break - my class in particular.

What I've learned throughout the first semester is never be afraid of failure. The more you fail, the closer you get to the success. I know it sounds cliche but back then, I only bore it in mind without experiencing it. Now, I have matter-of-factly undergone a situation where the saying applied.

There might be annoyance that makes you hardly achieve whatever you want but annoyance is puckish or naughty. The emergence of the annoyance is merely to make your journey merrier and more exciting. Who would want a dull and boring journey, right?

First semester as a student of Pre-Law was a blast! I indeed cannot wait to enter next semester. I'm gonna be the most mischievous senior. LOL!

I love you

2010-10-02T00:17:00.001+08:00

I suddenly feel like saying the word. No, I am not actually just feeling to say it but I am also dedicating it to the loved one. Mama, I love you. Even if I die, my love to you will never ever die. It is eternal, indeed.

I know being a mother to even a child is incredibly tough. It’ll be tougher when one has a multitudinous number of children. I wish I could help in whittling down the burden you are enduring. But all I can do is loving you unstoppably for all the things you have given and done to me. I would be incomplete without you. I would not either exist without you.

I am writing this post because the load of my love to you is no longer bearable. If a growing-up typical teenager would die to kiss and make out with her boyfriend, I in contrast would die to kiss and let you know how immeasurable I love you.

I feel like spamming the wall of your Facebook with the word I love you. I feel like hugging and kissing you every second. That will do to fill my ample time till the end of the semester break. I don’t need other jobs. Because the money I get from those jobs is not compatible to the happiness I feel from staying by your side every second of my life.

I love you like no one can ever tell, Mama. I love you.

Reminiscence

2010-10-01T22:17:00.004+08:00

OH NO!
I got tagged!

Jeez! Being tagged ain't a big deal. Tag me for 10 more times, I wouldn't mind to answer it all. Hahaha gosh, why am I being so boastful? Nah, tag was an activity of the past that is now being exercised back so that is the reason I am entitling this post as "Reminiscence". I don't even know who the last person to tag me was.

Anyway, thanks Judiene for tagging me. I feel classic of doing something reminiscent. Heee.

1. Name one person who made you laugh last night?
My two younger siblings, Qaisara & Amzar to be precise.

2. What were you doing 1 hour ago?
Hanging the newly-washed clothes.

3. What was the last thing you said out loud?
"Apa mende?" when I was called by Qaisara.

4. Where's the next place you're going to?
My had-just-been-cleaned room. I tell you what, the floor is sparkling! Haha.

5. What was the last thing you paid for?
Rubber bands.

6. Where were you last night?
At home. Gone nowhere for the whole day.

7. What's the best ice-cream flavor?
I don't actually like to east ice-cream so I seriously have no idea.

8. Do you wanna cut your hair?
Indeed, yes. I'm gonna get my hair cut tomorrow, like seriously.

9. Do you love to melatah?
I do not melatah but I wouldn't mind if I did.

10. If that so (melatah), what will you said out loud?
Oh mak kau terbabom! ><"

11. What does the last tex-msg received say?
"Adik pergi open house rumah kak ina esok?" by Abang Erol.

12. Will you get married in the future?
For God's sake, I even feel like getting married now! If only I had found my true love -.-" Deng.

13. Do you chew on your straw?
For most of the time. LOL!

14. Do you make-up your own words?
Sometimes.

15. Is there anyone you love/like right now?
I would say no. A big no. Because love is the slowest form of suicide. And I'm too young to die.

16. Tag to other 5 bloggers?
For the sake of keeping in touch with all bloggers, it's mandatory for those who visit my blog to answer this tag. Hahahaha.

I am indeed kidding. You may answer this tag if you feel like to. Bloggers, do keep in touch. And have a nice weekend! :)

Pujinya sikit, kembangnya melangit.

2010-09-30T14:49:00.002+08:00

Air botol Ice Lemon Tea diteguk pernuh rakus. Bukan kerana cuba membasahkan tekak yang kering kerana hari yang panas terik. Tidak. Tetapi untuk menyejukkan hati yang kian panas membara oleh sebab bas yang dinantikan tidak muncul-muncul jua. Sedangkan di tiket tersebut telah terang lagi nyata, bas akan tiba pukul 2.45 petang. Kalau 15 minit lewat, tak mengapa. Aku tak kisah tunggu hingga pukul 3. Tapi ni dah pukul 3.15 beb! 30 minit lewat.

Mana gua boleh tahan beb.

Tak apa. Mungkin bas tersebut mengalami kesesakan lalu lintas. Bukankah apa yang kita ingini tak semestinya boleh terjadi atau miliki? Lagipun, bukankah semakin sabar seseorang itu, semakin seksinya dia?

Mataku melilau ke kiri dan ke kanan. Jika aku punya mukjizat untuk memusingkan kepalaku 360 darjah, pasti sudah lama mataku melilau hingga ke belakang juga. Mujurlah tidak berimbun umat manusia di Stesen Bas Ekspres Sungai Petani ini. Kalau ada, pasti kepalaku menjadi lebih serabut dan tertekan. Tidak cukup dengan tekanan perasaan apabila tidak dijemput oleh ibu bapa untuk pulang bagi menikmati cuti semester, kelewatan bas turut menambahkan tekanan aku.

Tiba-tiba, hatiku bergetar hebat. Tidak ku pasti mengapa. Apakah mungkin jodohku berada di sekililing ku? Aku menoleh sana sini. Tiada insan yang layak menjadi buah hatiku kelihatan. Namun getaran hatiku semakin kencang. Eh, kenapa ni?

Tapak tanganku ditekap ke dada. Perlahan-lahan aku menyedut nafas hingga ke lubuk paru-paru. Lalu dengan perlahan-lahan juga ku hembus nafasku.

CEH!

Bas yang aku nantikan dah sampai rupa-rupanya. Itu yang debar semacam. Aiseh! Lantas mountain bag aku galas dan berfikir sejenak sementara bas tadi mencari posisi yang sesuai untuk memarkir. Melihatkan empat buah beg lagi yang harus ku jinjit membuatkan aku gelisah.

Macam mana nak angkut beg-beg ni? Dengan beg tangannya lagi. Sekejap-sekejap mataku menoleh ke arah bas demi memastikan bas tersebut tidak meninggalkan aku seterusnya menjadikan penantianku selama ini sia-sia. Sadis!

"Awak nak ke mana, awak?"

Suara tersebut kedengaran seperti bunyi lalat terbang apabila aku mengelamun. Tidak begitu jelas tetapi membingitkan telinga. Aku menoleh ke arah suara tersebut dengan kerutan di dahi.

"Hah? Saya ke?" tanyaku pada laki yang berbaju putih.

Laki itu mengangguk laju berkali-kali. Eleh, ingat comel lah tu buat macam tu? Memang comel pun, desis hatiku.

"Apa awak tanya tadi?" tanyaku lagi.

"Awak nak ke mana?" jawab laki itu.

"Kenapa nak tahu?"

"Yalah, boleh saya tengok-tengokkan bas awak dah sampai ke belum. Awak naik bas apa?"

"Tanya macamlah dia kerja kat sini," gumamku lantas membuang pandang ke hadapan.

Namun dari ekor mataku, aku dapat menangkap dia mengangguk menandakan dia sememangnya bekerja di situ. Sepantas kilat ku menoleh padanya kembali.

"Awak kerja kat sini?" tanya seolah-olah tidak percaya.

Laki itu mengangguk lagi dengan mata yang membulat dan kedua-dua keningnya terjungkit.

"Awak kerja kat sini? Sini? Tempat bas ni? ulangku lagi.

Laki itu mengangguk lagi.

"Serius awak kerja kat sini?" untuk kesekian kalinya aku bertanya. Aku gerenti kalau orang yang tak ada kesabaran sepertimana laki ini ada, sudah pasti aku dilempang hingga berpusing kepala.

"Ya, awak. Saya kerja kat sini. Kenapa tak percaya?" giliran laki itu pula menyoal aku.

Dan giliran kepala aku pula membuat pergerakan. Tetapi pergerakan kepalaku bertentangan dengan pergerakan kepala laki di hadapan ku ini tadi. Dia mengangguk, aku menggeleng.

Jap, macam pernah dengar ayat tu. Tajuk lagu siapa ya?

"Bukan tak percaya. Tapi susah nak percaya," balasku.

"Awak terlalu comel untuk bekerja kat sini," tambahku lagi.

Kelihatan lak itu terkedu. Seketika dua, senyuman di bibirnya melebar. Jari-jemari tangan kirinya mengusap hujung rambut belakangnya.

Astaghfirullahalazim. Aku mengucap dalam hati. Sampai macam tu sekali 'kembang'nya? Hatiku berdesis.

"Maka dengan itu ... nah!" aku mengangkat dua buah beg jinjit lalu kutolak ke perutnya.

"Angkat beg ni pastu letak kat perut bas Super Nice tu," mulutku muncung menunjukkan bas yang aku maksudkan.

"Ceh!" suara laki itu sebelum menyambung, "Ada udang sebalik mi."

Aku sekadar menayang senyuman toya.

"Puji ikhlas ke tak tadi ni?" tanya laki itu sambil membetulkan pegangan tangannya pada tali beg yang aku suruh dia bawa tadi.

"Orang pasang cincin kat jari. Pergi tengok cermin dan fikir sendiri lah!" balasku acuh tak acuh sambil mengangkat lebihan beg di atas bangku.

Namun perbuatanku mati apabila dia terdahulu mengambil dua lagi beg yang ingin aku angkat. Amboi, efek dipuji sampai begitu sekali!

Ini sudah bagus! Jerit hatiku, riang.

Tanpa sepatah dua kata, dia menuju ke bas Super Nice berwarna biru. Memang semua bas Super Nice warna biru sebenarnya. Heh. Dan aku menurutinya dari belakang.

Laki itu menyusun beg-beg jinjit tadi di ruang meletak bagasi. Aku memerhatikannya tanpa bersuara apa-apa. Orang dah nak tolong, jangan mengada-mengada kambing nak menolak.

Setelah dia menyusun 'punya cantik' di perut bas itu, dia berdiri memandangku sambil menepuk-nepuk tapak tangannya.

Hak ala! Macamlah kotor sangat beg-beg aku tu. Getus hatiku.

"Tu, beg tu, tak nak letak sekali?" tanya laki itu sambil memuncungkan bibirnya, ke arah beg yang aku galas di bahu.

Aku menggeleng perlahan.

"Terima kasih eh sebab tolong angkat beg," ucapku.

"Sama-sama," jawab laki itu.

Aku terus berjalan ke pintu bas manakala laki itu masih tercegat memandangku.

"Awak budak UiTM Merbok ya?" tanya laki itu.

"Taklah. Mana ada," jawabku malas. Kakiku mengorak langkah menadi tangga bas.

"Habis tu?" laki itu bertanya lagi.

Aku meneruskan pendakianku tanpa menoleh ke belakang lagi.

"Habis tu, awak?" tanya laki itu, tanpa berputus asa apabila peertanyaannya tadi tidak aku hiraukan.

Masya-Allah. Apa lagi mamat ni? Aku menggumam dalam hati.

"UiTM Merbok," jawabku, akhirnya.

"Ceh!" getus laki itu dengan senyuman di bibirnya.

Laki itu terus-terusan tersenyum padaku. Untuk kali terakhir, aku menoleh ke belakang dan menghadiahkan senyuman 'paaaaaaaling' manis buatnya. Sebagai ucapan terima kasih.

Ps ; Tapi memang comel pun laki tu. Kelihatan berumur awal 20-an. Blogger-blogger sekalian, saya sudah kembali aktif! Semester satu sudah tamat! :)

Yes, let's be insolent for a jiffy or two.

2010-09-21T20:05:00.004+08:00

I am rather not sure how I should start yet, I have oodles of things to articulate regarding someone that indirectly connected to me because her so-called ‘baby’ used to be my buddy. Before I go any further, let me have you informed. Hey, it’s another side of me talking. To be precise, it is the hellish one.

If I was that girl, I would not be like the way she is now which is indeed incredibly annoying – I can tell. Nah, she is certainly nobody to me. She has never picked a fight with me hitherto. But I mayhap have caused her patience to reach its crowning for more than a few times nevertheless.

Like I give a shit?

Lass, why on earth must you utter the I-freaking-love-you word and hit your beau’s wall every so often? You know that Facebook is a public community website, don’t you? Or you want to me explicate to you how terrifically open Facebook is? Even married couples do not say I-love-you like every matter of minutes. So why would you do that if you had just gotten into a relationship for months? Not years yet though! Even if you are not listed in my list of friends – by no means would you ever be listed in anyways, your oh-fucking 'romantic' posts still itemized on my new feeds and cause me to puke as often as you spam your own love’s wall.

There is no need for you to waste your saliva by saying me being so envious. If I write this post because of my jealousy, how about those who backstab you though they are on no account related to either your sugar or any two of you then? Are you going to say that they are jealous of you as well? Jealous for you being so enchanting to your beau? As a matter of fact, you must be self-centered by thinking how Al-mighty you are.

I know that you do not give a damn about whatever I state here. I am doing this for the sake of my own satisfaction. It is not that I am a coward nor am I a twerp not to confront you and make a clean breast about my dissatisfaction, it is simply I do not think we have any association to meet in a powwow. Besides, I know you are an avid reader of my blog, aren’t you? You can get informed of my updates from time to time here.

How unfortunate my hellish side does not know what apology is.