Lovely day, visitors and followers ❣ *wink
I really love the word ‘lovely’. It has been a habit to wish people ‘lovely day’ instead of ‘good day’. Perhaps, it is because I just love you readers so much but of course-lah, I love my blog more. He has been with me for four years. I would never delete any entry ever written although I might hide some in order to avoid a lot more controversies. I have hidden blogposts about Mat Sabu and Wardina, for instance.
I was asked by someone if I would delete the posts about my ex-boyfriend, Khairul Helmi and the person suggested me to delete them because my ex was getting married this coming June.(Congratulations, dude!) So, he was worried that one day, Khairul Helmi’s children or even his wife would find the bloody posts and I would indirectly rock the boat.
To be honest, I never thought of deleting them. The least I would do is probably just hide them. The memories are so sweet to be removed just like that. I believe his future-wife will understand that she was not his first love. I mean, she might have been because they were school-mates back then but she must know that along the way before he met his true love which was and for sure is her or before they hooked up for like uh-gain which occurred right after I broke up with him, he had had a few other girlfriends.
And if I am not mistaken, I was one of the hapless girls. *face palm*
I have accepted the fact that the love I had had with him was merely a puppy-love. (Oh I love puppies!) His future-wife, I must admit, is a natural beauty. I saw some pictures of her without make-ups and she looked adorably lovely. Congratulations in advance, sweet couple of the year! Good luck with the new journey called a married life that you both are about to embark. Lots of love from Klang!
For God’s sake, that was not the main point of this post. My ex is not my man that I wanted to talk about. That’s me. I cannot stop once I start blathering. For the umpteenth times, pardon me, fellows.
I am of the belief that you guys are well-aware of how mad a girl can be when it comes to talking about her prince charming or the one she wishes she would marry. Well, since I am just an ordinary girl who lives an ordinary life, I do get excited about having someone in my life called a husband. Yes, a husband. I am not bothered to find any more boyfriends, puh-lease.
Of course, who isn’t excited to be pronounced “Man and Wife” with your loved one? Nonetheless, the thrill I used to experience when talking to my girlfriends about those guys with undeniably perfect looks can nowhere be found anymore. I am starting to feel that I am no longer the fun person I used to be. The joyous Khaleeqa people love being around. The cheerful Khaleeqa who can smile in her soundless sleep. The talkative Khaleeqa people seek informational materials to talk about from.
I am lost. My family and buddies have lost me.
As cited in another post, I had written about my problem but I had not had it published because I found it unnecessary. Finding it needless does not mean it is not tearing me into shreds. Just like @faliqfahmie said, “Just because we don’t talk about it, doesn’t mean it’s not killing us inside.”
I have been mulling over the problems and possible antidotes these days. What makes my problem differ from yours is the leader of my family is jobless and the one who is enduring all the expenditures is the queen whose monthly salary is less than a thousand. My heart ruptures every time I hear my mom borrow money from my brother to buy us meal.
Our house runs of food every now and then and it happens when you have a demanding-yet-unwaged dad. I am stressing out because I have to commit to being the most helpful person to my mother, making sure my brothers and sister do not fall asleep in hungry and being a loyal listener to my mother who sometimes cannot control her anger – of course, some women would just leave my dad if they were in my mother’s shoes.
My mother is the toughest woman in the universe.
"And I will never stop praying to God that my mother will keep being strong and HE will keep bestowing my mother the strength to live on from above. I believe God is good and this is just a mere test to make us continually think of Our Creator."
Alhamdulillah, despite the being of the leader of the family who is on the dole, I have supportive siblings who are – not to mention – annoying at times but they are always there with me and my beloved mother. I love the fact that my elder brother’s attitudes and behaviours are contrary to my dad’s. He cares for my younger sister’s and brother’s education. He is concerned about the burden our mom is enduring and he always tries to perform his responsibilities as a child to our parents, as a brother and as a student at his best.
He makes my mother chill out with his excellent examination results. Not to boast, my brother’s pointer has never been below 3.7. I am the opposite of him because my pointer in contrast has never been above 3.7. Not even 3.6. The highest I have ever got is 3.5. Still, Alhamdulillah. Some struggled to pass 3.0 but I watched more than five episodes of a Korean drama during my final semester’s examination week and got 3.5.
What kind of creature am I if I am not grateful with what got?
What I wanted to say is, the man of my life at this moment in time is my elder brother, Aqeel Idrus. If supposedly a dad’s wish comes second, I will put my bro’s next to my mom’s. I will prioritize theirs for they care about me more than our supposedly leader of the family does. They inspire me to change for the better even though I hardly make a move.
Another thing that I want you to know is, my dad is a loving man. He really is. He loves his grandchildren so much that he is willing to send them to school and fetch them back. I know he wishes he could change the world. Our world. And I know he tries to make ends meet. Maybe it is not the time yet. I am angry with him for taking his responsibility in stabilizing the family's finance for granted. He acts as if he could not care less but I know deep inside his heart, he does not mean to do this to us.
I believe in you, Baba. I always do.
My prayer is God will shed my father some light on the means to make ends meet. As well as prolong my brother’s and mother’s lives so that my younger siblings and I can grow up without a lack of love. Indeed, one word frees us all the weight of pain of life and that word is love (1997, as cited in Aisya Sofea, 1977).
I believe God is hearing me.
I really love the word ‘lovely’. It has been a habit to wish people ‘lovely day’ instead of ‘good day’. Perhaps, it is because I just love you readers so much but of course-lah, I love my blog more. He has been with me for four years. I would never delete any entry ever written although I might hide some in order to avoid a lot more controversies. I have hidden blogposts about Mat Sabu and Wardina, for instance.
I was asked by someone if I would delete the posts about my ex-boyfriend, Khairul Helmi and the person suggested me to delete them because my ex was getting married this coming June.(Congratulations, dude!) So, he was worried that one day, Khairul Helmi’s children or even his wife would find the bloody posts and I would indirectly rock the boat.
To be honest, I never thought of deleting them. The least I would do is probably just hide them. The memories are so sweet to be removed just like that. I believe his future-wife will understand that she was not his first love. I mean, she might have been because they were school-mates back then but she must know that along the way before he met his true love which was and for sure is her or before they hooked up for like uh-gain which occurred right after I broke up with him, he had had a few other girlfriends.
And if I am not mistaken, I was one of the hapless girls. *face palm*
I have accepted the fact that the love I had had with him was merely a puppy-love. (Oh I love puppies!) His future-wife, I must admit, is a natural beauty. I saw some pictures of her without make-ups and she looked adorably lovely. Congratulations in advance, sweet couple of the year! Good luck with the new journey called a married life that you both are about to embark. Lots of love from Klang!
For God’s sake, that was not the main point of this post. My ex is not my man that I wanted to talk about. That’s me. I cannot stop once I start blathering. For the umpteenth times, pardon me, fellows.I am of the belief that you guys are well-aware of how mad a girl can be when it comes to talking about her prince charming or the one she wishes she would marry. Well, since I am just an ordinary girl who lives an ordinary life, I do get excited about having someone in my life called a husband. Yes, a husband. I am not bothered to find any more boyfriends, puh-lease.
Of course, who isn’t excited to be pronounced “Man and Wife” with your loved one? Nonetheless, the thrill I used to experience when talking to my girlfriends about those guys with undeniably perfect looks can nowhere be found anymore. I am starting to feel that I am no longer the fun person I used to be. The joyous Khaleeqa people love being around. The cheerful Khaleeqa who can smile in her soundless sleep. The talkative Khaleeqa people seek informational materials to talk about from.
I am lost. My family and buddies have lost me.
As cited in another post, I had written about my problem but I had not had it published because I found it unnecessary. Finding it needless does not mean it is not tearing me into shreds. Just like @faliqfahmie said, “Just because we don’t talk about it, doesn’t mean it’s not killing us inside.”
I have been mulling over the problems and possible antidotes these days. What makes my problem differ from yours is the leader of my family is jobless and the one who is enduring all the expenditures is the queen whose monthly salary is less than a thousand. My heart ruptures every time I hear my mom borrow money from my brother to buy us meal.
Our house runs of food every now and then and it happens when you have a demanding-yet-unwaged dad. I am stressing out because I have to commit to being the most helpful person to my mother, making sure my brothers and sister do not fall asleep in hungry and being a loyal listener to my mother who sometimes cannot control her anger – of course, some women would just leave my dad if they were in my mother’s shoes.
My mother is the toughest woman in the universe.
Alhamdulillah, despite the being of the leader of the family who is on the dole, I have supportive siblings who are – not to mention – annoying at times but they are always there with me and my beloved mother. I love the fact that my elder brother’s attitudes and behaviours are contrary to my dad’s. He cares for my younger sister’s and brother’s education. He is concerned about the burden our mom is enduring and he always tries to perform his responsibilities as a child to our parents, as a brother and as a student at his best.
He makes my mother chill out with his excellent examination results. Not to boast, my brother’s pointer has never been below 3.7. I am the opposite of him because my pointer in contrast has never been above 3.7. Not even 3.6. The highest I have ever got is 3.5. Still, Alhamdulillah. Some struggled to pass 3.0 but I watched more than five episodes of a Korean drama during my final semester’s examination week and got 3.5.
What kind of creature am I if I am not grateful with what got?
What I wanted to say is, the man of my life at this moment in time is my elder brother, Aqeel Idrus. If supposedly a dad’s wish comes second, I will put my bro’s next to my mom’s. I will prioritize theirs for they care about me more than our supposedly leader of the family does. They inspire me to change for the better even though I hardly make a move.
Another thing that I want you to know is, my dad is a loving man. He really is. He loves his grandchildren so much that he is willing to send them to school and fetch them back. I know he wishes he could change the world. Our world. And I know he tries to make ends meet. Maybe it is not the time yet. I am angry with him for taking his responsibility in stabilizing the family's finance for granted. He acts as if he could not care less but I know deep inside his heart, he does not mean to do this to us.I believe in you, Baba. I always do.
My prayer is God will shed my father some light on the means to make ends meet. As well as prolong my brother’s and mother’s lives so that my younger siblings and I can grow up without a lack of love. Indeed, one word frees us all the weight of pain of life and that word is love (1997, as cited in Aisya Sofea, 1977).
I believe God is hearing me.
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