Undoubtedly, tomorrow is the date that I have been waiting all this while.

I have been away from my blog for almost three weeks just to focus on my preparation for it. Only GOD knows how I miss to write and crap so much. A lot of stories I want to share with my readers (I am not sure whether my blog is still being followed by my used-to-be-my-readers or not but hopefully yes). Surely I will come back after the three suffering weeks end. Would you wait for me, friends? :smile:

Tomorrow SPM will begin!

All the best for all SPM candidates and nonetheless myself.

Nasib kita bukan kawan.

Ada orang menunjukkan kasih sayang mereka kepada kawan baik mereka dengan memanggil kawan mereka sendiri "Babi" , "Puki" , "Setan" , "Sial", "Najis". Aku bukan tak faham golongan macam ni, tapi aku tak boleh get along dengan orang macam ni.

Aku bahagia sebab kau orang bukan kawan aku.

Kau rasa kau kuat tapi kami nampak kau lemah, kalau kau nak tahulah.

Aku khususkan entri ini untuk para wanita yang pernah putus cinta, baru putus cinta, akan bercinta, sedang bercinta serta perempuan-perempuan yang masih bertatuskan solo. Dan kalau laki-laki nak baca juga, amat dialu-alukan.

Before I go any further, segala isi entri ini ialah pandangan aku sebagai seorang remaja 17 tahun. Aku tahu dan sedia maklum pembaca blog aku terdiri daripada pelbagai lapisan umur, jadi sekiranya ada yang bercanggah dengan pendapat aku, sila campak saja komen kau orang di ruang komen.

Terima kasih.

Perempuan-perempuan, aku pun perempuan juga. Ah, jelas sungguh, bukan? Baru-baru ini, aku melawati satu laman web yang aku tak rasa ingin kongsikan dengan kau orang. Laman web tersebut berperihalkan seorang kenalan Internet aku. Dia perempuan. Aku pun perempuan juga ("Hello guys, I'm girl and single!" Euuw.). Dia pernah bercinta. Dan sekarang dia sudah putus cinta. Semasa dia bercinta, dia sangat terkenal. Sangat-sangat terkenal kerana gambar-gambar dia dan kekasihnya sangat manis. Sangat membuai perasaan.

Siap ada yang labelkan mereka "Couple Of The Year" dan "The Most Loving Couple Ever". Dia orang belum tengok lagi aku couple dengan David Archuleta atau Cristiano Ronaldo. Gerenti aku dinobatkan "The Hottest Couple Forever". Malas nak riak-riak ni, tapi David Archuleta terkedu dan terpesona tengok aku masa dia datang Malaysia itu hari. ;P Baik, kembali semula kepada topik tadi. Bagi aku, mereka dipuji lambung-lambung sebab pakwe dia tu kacak gila. Dan perbuatan pakwe dia dalam gambar tu, seperti cium tangan dan renungan tajam pakwe dia tu yang buat gambar itu sweet.

Dan sebenarnya, ramai gadis-gadis yang telah jatuh hati kat pakwe dia. Ya lah, jejaka panas, siapa tak pandang, kan? Dipendekkan cerita, setelah mereka putus cinta, mereka bawa haluan masing-masing. Pakwe dia jenis yang educated, aku percaya pakwe dia boleh handle perasaan yang berkecamuk selepas putus cinta. Walaupun memerlukan tempoh masa yang tidak diketahui berapa lama atau berapa singkat. Sebaik sahaja putus cinta, kenalan Internet aku ni yang berjantinakan perempuan, terus buang gambar-gambar dia dengan bekas kekasih dia tu dan tampil dengan gambar-gambar baru dia dengan kawan-kawan laki dia.

Berserta caption pada setiap gambar, "Boyfriend 1", "Boyfriend 2", dan seterusnya. Berapa banyak sekalipun boyfriend dia, aku tak peduli. Kononnya, dia nak tunjuklah dekat bekas pakwe dia yang dia tak rugi apa-apa kalau bekas pakwe dia tinggalkan dia, sebab banyak lagi laki yang nak dekat dia. Dan ramai lagi kawan dia yang sayang dia lebih dari segalanya. Kononnyalah. Dia nak tunjuk yang dia tak lemah walaupun putus cinta dengan lelaki gilaan dan dambaan ramai perempuan.

Pada pandangan akulah, perempuan tu nampak lemah walaupun dia kata dia kuat sebab masih ada kawan-kawan laki. Ya, kawan-kawan laki dia memang kacak-kacak belaka. Bagi aku, dia tak kuat sebab pendirian dia daripada boleh berdiri sendiri tanpa kawan laki berubah kepada bolehnya dia berdiri sendiri kerana ada kawan-kawan laki.

Perempuan-perempuan, kalau kau orang tak pernah ambil gambar dengan lelaki dengan pose sampai bibir nak bersentuhan lah dan berpelukan bagai, lebih baik jangan walaupun kau orang dan putus cinta kelak. Tak payahlah nak poyo dekat bekas pakwe kau orang yang kau orang masih ada lelaki pandang dan gembira walaupun ditinggalkan oleh lelaki panas. Kalau kau orang buat, nampak sangat keretakan hubungan kau orang dengan bekas pakwe kau orang memberi kesan dan menjejaskan pendirian kau orang walaupun kau orang berbuih mulut menafikan.

Kegembiraan dan kebahagiaan selepas berduka kerana putus cinta akan datang jua. Dan hadirnya kegembiraan dan kebahagiaan itu bukannya daripada kawan-kawan laki yang kau orang tunjuk-tunjuk dekat bekas kekasih kau orang. Lagi kau orang poyo-poyo dengan kawan-kawan laki kau orang, lagi kau orang nampak bodoh. Dahlah poyo, bodoh pula. Nak ke macam tu?

Yang penting ialah jadi diri kau orang sendiri. Just be yourself. No need to be other woman or utterly change you attitude just to show your ex how strong and hot you are.

Selain daripada "tiba-tiba rapat gila dengan kawan-kawan laki padahal sebelum ni tak pandang langsung sebab sibuk berbelangkas dengan pakwe", terdapat juga perempuan-perempuan yang setelah putus cinta akhirnya menjadi lesbian. Mungkin golongan ini nak tunjuk yang dia boleh peroleh kebahagiaan dan kegembiraan daripada teman sejantina. Dan mungkin golongan ini berasa rendah diri dengan menganggap diri mereka tidak dipandang langsung oleh lelaki.

Aku bukan nak jaga tepi kain orang. Cemburu dengan mereka yang bahagia dan gembira, jauh sekali. Tapi cuma ingin mengingatkan, jangan biarkan lelaki lamar kau orang sebab simpati. Sebab pandangan lelaki punya seribu satu erti. Sebab terjalinnya hubungan cinta atas dasar simpati daripada lelaki, yang akan menjerumuskan kau orang ke lembah maksiat. Misalnya, kau orang (perempuan) nak tunjuk yang kau orang hot sehingga sanggup memberi lelaki kesempatan merasa kau orang, padahal dalam hati lelaki tu, dia orang rasa kesian dan simpati dengan perempuan yang terdesak macam kau orang.

Percayalah, you don't need any guy to be somebody. You can stand by yourself and you can make it through the rain. All you need is high-confidence (not overconfidence). Lagi satu kata-kata spiritual,

"Trying to be someone you are not, is a waste of who you are."

I only love you physically because your handsomeness melts me.

I just realized that Chuck and 'F' look alike.
No wonder I could fall for F ♥.

Tolong blah boleh?

Aku dah lepaskan kau lama dah, kenapa kau melekat lagi?

Belakangan ini aku sering termimpikan Khairul Helmi. Aku sendiri kurang pasti, kenapa dia yang muncul dalam mimpi aku? Padahal aku tak terfikirkan dia pun sepanjang hari. Tidak terlintas langsung nama dia di hati, mahupun tergambar muka dia di ruang mata.

Dalam banyak-banyak mimpi yang aku mimpi, mimpi tentang dia sahaja yang aku ingat. Dari mula sampai akhir pulak tuh! Aku tak rasa rindu. Malah, setiap kali lepas bangun tidur dari bermimpikan dia, aku pasti berasa meluat. Aku mimpi dia sudah ada kekasih baru. Yang jauh lebih cantik dan ramping daripadaku yang berpunggung besar dan berbadan gempal. Tak, aku tak merendah diri. Jauh sekali cemburu dan dengki. Oh, pleaasee..

Kalau dia nak bagi tahu yang dia ada awek baru sekali pun, yang nak masuk mimpi aku apa citer? Kenapa aku mimpi dia padahal laki lain yang dah tambat aku punya hati? Susah betul nak dapat mimpi tentang lelaki yang telah aku jatuh hati. Entah apa fasalnya entah. Bagi merungkai pertanyaan aku, seperti biasa, seorang ustazah menjadi rujukan aku setiap kali aku berkonflik dengan hati dan perasaan sendiri.

"Ustazah, saya penatlah mimpi Khairul Helmi. Saya tak peduli pun apa yang berlaku kat dia. Ya, memanglah saya doakan kesejahteraan dia setiap hari. Tapi saya tak minta pula petunjuk yang memberitahu dia sudah ada pengganti ke belum. Sumpah, saya tak peduli, Ustazah."

Ustazah senyum. Manis sekali. Cepat-cepat aku berdoa dalam hati supaya aku dikurniakan senyuman semanis senyuman Ustazah.

"Lagi kamu tak peduli tentang dia, lagi kerap aku mimpi pasal dia," balas Ustazah.

Mendengar saja jawapannya, aku tersedak tidak semena-mena.

"Kenapa pula? Kalau peduli tentang dia pun bukannya memutikkan cinta ke ape ke. Buat saya tambah dosa je. Apa petandanya, ya Ustazah? Ustazah rasa-rasa, apakah sebenarnya yang Allah nak tunjukkan dekat saya?"

"Putus cinta memang menyakitkan hati. Tapi ia tak mengajar kita untuk serik bercinta lagi. Bercinta boleh, tapi jangan berzina dengan hati."

Ceh! Ustazah macam menggalakkan aku bercinta lagi je? Aku menggeleng perlahan.

"Apa geleng-geleng?" tanya Ustazah.

"Saya tak nak cintan-cintun ni, Ustazah. Bosanlah. Saya cuma nak tahu cara-cara untuk tidak mimpi Khairul Helmi. Kalau boleh saya nak masukkan 'F*****' dalam mimpi saya. Kalaulah saya boleh kawal mimpilah kan, heh!"

"Kamu rindu dia ni," komen Ustazah.

Aku terlopong.

"Rindu? Tidak sama sekali!" sangkalku.

"Cuba malam ni kamu fikir macam mana nak dapatkan A untuk kertas Pendidikan Islam kamu sebelum tidur. Kamu fikir tentang SPM je. Kalau kamu mimpi dia lagi, tak payahlah kamu tegakkan benang yang basah sebab memang dah sah kamu rindu dia," kata Ustazah.

Kehilangan kata-kata, itulah yang aku rasa. Kawan-kawan sekolah yang tahu sejarah aku dan dia pun kata yang sama. Weh, cuba support sikit aku untuk buang yang keruh ambil yang jernih? Aku nak pandang orang baru. Aku tak nak pandang orang basi.

Ps ; Apalah agaknnya nama fenomena yang aku alami sekarang ni eh?

My first English short story, what say you readers?

Another long post. You may close your tab if you hate too-long post. This is my first English short story. All of you are welcomed to correct my grammatical errors. Sorry if it is abhorrent.

_______________________________________________________

“Hey, what did you get for your birthday? How was the celebration?” asked Sarah through a phone call.

Her questions reminded me of someone who I thought would be the first person to wish me on my birthday two days ago. However, he did not appear as expected and he gave me no messages or phone calls. How could he do that to me?

I sighed.

“What’s wrong, dear?” she asked again.

I tried to stop the tears from pouring down but the tears were like unstoppable rivers. I cried finally. As usual, I will only cry when caring and soft-spoken people like Sarah talk to me. I did not know why the feeling of waiting for his messages and calls and even himself to appear were really a suffering. I am very glad to have Sarah as my best listener.

“He has not wished me yet,” I said through my tears.

Then Sarah replied me, “It’s okay, honey. Just be patient, would you? He is going to give you a big surprise! I am very sure about that. Just wait and see.”

Nobody can deny how supportive Sarah is as a friend. She really is.

“What makes you very sure that he would surprise me? I am pretty scared now.”

“Do you still remember how he had surprised you on your birthday last year? As far as I know through the stories you have told me, he is a puckish guy full of surprises.”

I was amused. Yes, he had given me a big surprise on my birthday last year that made my day and brought bliss to my day. I almost cried that time when he still did not wish me till late at midnight of the day. I kept on waiting with patience and hope. When my phone rang, I vigorously jumped off the bed to get my phone and read the message with curiosity. He asked me to sneak out to the playground near my home, just for the night because he had something to show me. At first, I refused to, not because I was not daring enough to sneak out from the house and meet a guy at midnight but because I wanted him to be a little bit sensitive to my feeling. He should know how difficult I was feeling for the whole day.

I wondered what the thing was that he really wanted to show me. When I came to the playground where he waited for me, I was touched to see him wearing a white T-shirt with “I love you, Kate” written on it. He sang me the birthday song and gave me a birthday hug.

“It does not matter how late I wish you but what matters is how meaningful and memorable my wish to you,” I would not forget these beautiful words.

“Kate? Are you still there?” Sarah’s voice awoke me from my daydream.

I chuckled and blushed.

“Yes, I am here. Thanks, Sarah. Thanks a lot. I do not hope that he would surprise me but all I hope is he would come and greet me as I am missing him right now.”

We ended the call when another call waited me on the line. It was him! It was him!

“Kate?” his voice sounded fatigued.

“I’m here.”

“I am sorry for not wishing your birthday. Can we meet tonight? I have something to tell you,” he said.

“Sure. What time do you want to meet me?”

“We meet at 8 o’clock, shall we?”

Anxious and curious was how I felt. I had no idea about what he was going to tell me. I was a bit down when I saw him wearing just a loose T-shirt and a slack whereby I was wearing a gown for a dinner. He looked so worn out. What happened to him? I wondered.

“You look pretty,” he praised with a low voice.

“Thank you. How are you doing?” I asked.

He smiled as usual symbolizing that he was doing just fine but this time, the smile told me that he was hassled. I doubted he was in good health.

“Let’s sit there,” he led our way to a bench.

Another weird thing was he did not hold my hand as he used to and no kiss as a greeting. I started to feel uneasy. And I could smell something fishy that time.

“Anything’s up?” I asked through palpitation.

He heaved a sigh. I tried to calm him down by holding his hands passionately but he pulled off his hands. I was stunned!

“What’s wrong with you?”

I was palpitated.

“I am sorry. I am really sorry but I really need to do this,” he did not manage to continue his words when I interrupted due to anxiousness.

“Do what?”

Again, he exhaled noisily. It seemed that I could not control my palpitation. I was sweating.

“I am breaking up with you, Kate,” he said bit by bit.

I was stunned,again! My tears could not be controlled after he dropped me the bombshell. Was that my birthday gift? Was that his surprise for me?

“Why do you need to break our relationship? What have I done to you? What is my fault?” I shrieked when madness and depression merged into one.

“Do you know how much I love you? Don’t you appreciate me, our relationship and our memories? How could you do this to me?” I said through my sobs.

“It’s not that I do not love you or hate you. I am doing this for our own goods. Trust me; there is a better man for you out there. All I want you to do is believe in yourself that you are such a loving and lovable woman. You will find a true soul mate one day but the person would not be me. I know you have sacrificed a lot for sustaining our relationship and I really appreciate it. Starting from now, we are related no more. I need to go now. Please forgive me for all I have done,” he said and laid a kiss on my forehead before he disappeared from my sight.

I still remembered how grateful I was to have him as mine. I had even said, “Having him as mine like owns the heaven.” I thought I would own the heaven forever but I only got the chance to own it just for a moment. I thought my happiness would last ceaselessly but it was just passing me by. And now, I have lost it. I have lost the happiness that I dreamed all this while.

Underneath the moon, I cried, “Come back, love.”

Ps ; 31 days more to go.

I know it's there though I still cannot see it vividly.

Have you ever heard this idiom : Every cloud has a silver lining? Sometimes you don't need to search or google the meaning of the idiom because you can think about it logically. All you need to do is think abstrusely. Don't you think?

*giggles

My sentences are full of the word think. Because literally I have just revised Chemistry and to revise the subject and answer the exercises I did, I needed to think, not just memorizing the theory. Even though I flunked Chemistry in most of the examination, but I like the subject, still weh.

Speaking about the meaning of idioms, the actual meaning of the idiom I state above is : It is always possible to get something positive out of a situation, no matter how unpleasant, difficult or even painful it might seem.

As if you have read my previous posts about my personal problem regarding my family, I thought I would not get to feel the happiness that I got to feel when the particular person was a responsible person. But as I have been advised by many supportive people including my readers who dropped me the advices at the comment space, I think there is a way of getting and solving the problem.

Away

Because Allah S.W.T is there every moment of time. It is just me who was not aware how helpful and loving Allah is. I know Allah will shed me some light on to see the silver lining in my cloud. Allah will also shed me some light on about reaching the antidote to my hassles.

I love Allah S.W.T, I really do.

Since my father leaves his computer on, I use this chance to make this post to tell my readers how grateful I am to have you as my blogger friends who are not just supportive but certainly friendly. I might not able to update as frequent as I used to because the killing examination is just around the corner. Those kind-hearted blogger friends, do pray for my success.

I apologize profusely if you were offended with the says in my posts. I know even though it is my right to express my opinions but I do still need to express ever single of my words with care. I like sarcasm language though it's vexing. Hehe.

Thanks for everything, buddies.